Where can I get a diagram of the correct way to connect an HDTV with a directv dvr?
I am having a horrible time trying to get this right.

Did you not get a set-up manual along with your Direct TV control unit?

Also, you can go to directv.com to find installation instructions. The best way, is to simply use an HDMI cable connection between your TV and the Control unit. The HDMI cable will handle both Audio and Image.