I know I am clearly domiciled outside of New York City where I have maintained my permanent residency for 8 years, home, voting, car & registration, personal belongings, etc.

I do work in the city, but never had t file taxes in the city.

Now, I married and my spouse has and keeps an apartment in the city. I heard that this automatically makes me a "statutory resident" and it does not matter if I count days sleeping in the city. It seems that if I have a key with unrestricted access, then this triggers my residency.

Do I have the ultimate "married penalty tax?"

Are there any exceptions, or "married filing separately" that would help?

Or, can I count days and sleep more than 183 days outside the city?

Or, am I OK because my name is not on the lease and I really keep very few possessions in the city.

From the instructions for NY tax form IT-203:

Joint filing exception for some married taxpayers

If you are married and filing a joint federal income tax return but one spouse is a New York State resident and the other is a nonresident or part-year resident, you are required to file separate New York State returns. The resident must use Form IT-201, "Resident Income Tax Return." The nonresident or part-year resident, if required to file a New York State return, must use Form IT-203. However, if you both choose to file a joint New York State return, use Form IT-201 and both spouses' income will be taxed as full-year residents of New York State.

So you can file your federal taxes as Married Filing Jointly and your NY taxes as married Filing Separate. That way you can avoid paying NTC taxes on your portion of income.

The issue was not NY state income tax, but rather NY CITY income tax.

That said, I believe the answer given IS the solution: you must file separate returns to avoid both salaries from being taxed by NYC.