Ask Me Help Desk - What to do when my boyfriend has his 6 yr old daughter sleep in between us?

Ok so I've been with this guy for almost a yr.. At first he allowed her to sleep in between us but I stopped that.. Now she sleeps on the other side of him in our bed.. she is there every other weekend.. Problem is I feel lonely when she is there.. He actually turns his back towards me EVERY night ALL night and during the weekend an holds her like his wife.. His back never turns over toward me all night.. She has her own bed but he never makes her sleep in it.. I think it's odd.. He use to actually walk around nude in front of her which also pissed me off.. Weird behavior with a 6 yr old girl.. To the point his ex had the judge state in court to not bathe or walk around naked in front of her.. Now I hate being around every weekend she is there because of her and him.. Am I crazy for staying and dealing with this behavior? Any advice?

This does sound pretty odd.

Are you crazy for putting up with it? Only you can really be the judge of that. Me? I would tell him where it's at and if he doesn't change, be done with him.

Do you suspect him of doing anything with her? I hate thinking that but you never know.

You have to report this to child services. This is not right.

Why would you waste time here talking about this issue! This is CHILD ABUSE

I honestly don't think he would do anything to her but I do find it odd of the way he acts and sleeps with her! Im just wondering am I over reacting with the way they sleep together and his back away from me every night? Holding her and all? When we are alone he still don't hold me that way either? It has been addressed before but he says I'm just jealous of her..

Sorry. This is not a proper relationship between a six yr old and father. This needs to be reported to the mother. You need to STOP THIS BEHAVIOR ,

The mother knows part of it.. That's why it was addressed in court that he not bathe or be naked anymore in front of we by a judge.. He must have done this when the mom was around an she wanted it to stop.. So now that has stopped he is still sleeping with her I'm there and he doesn't sexually touch her just holds her like he should be holding me instead! It frustrates me and I feel she needs to sleep in her own bed

There is nothing wrong with co-sleeping. In fact, my son who is 11 still co-sleeps with my husband when I'm working nights, and he co-sleeps with me when my husband is gone. There is nothing perverted going on here. As a matter of fact, this is very common in some countries.

With that said though, the nudity is inappropriate.

I agree with cosleeping, but the g/f is in the same bed and being ignored. At the same time the 6 yr olds are impressionable. So you really agree J this is acceptable? Sorry, I don't under circumstances explained.

So... what country are we in for this?

Nessie, find yourself a better relationship. You don't need this stuff to hold onto a man !

I'm having a hard time with this. For me, nudity isn't a big deal, it never has been. I was raised to view nudity as being human, not as something dirty or wrong. It's the one thing we all have in common, our bodies, the way we were brought into this world.

I still undress in front of my kids, and because I've never expressed fear for nudity with my kids, they're completely comfortable with it. It's not a big deal.

I was raised in Germany until I was almost 4 years of age. Most stores in Germany don't even have a changing room. If you want to try on an article of clothing, you stand by the rack, and try it on. I remember going to a rollerskating rink when I visited my family at age 16, and after skating a girl that was also there, older than me, decided to change, and did it on the benches by the rink. She just took of her top, no bra, and put on another. No one even noticed. It wasn't a big deal. There are nude beaches, and no one cares if you're nude, or not. The human body isn't reviled like it is in most countries. It just is what it is, something everyone has, and it's not something to become upset about.

I find it strange that so many people think that being nude in front of your children, is inappropriate. Why? I'd love to understand why it's so wrong if the parent has never sexually abused the child, and never would. Being nude in front of your children doesn't make you a sexual predator! There's nothing sexual about it! It's your body, that's it. Everyone has a body, and everyone, under their clothing, is nude. So what's the big deal?

I'd really truly like to understand why so many people from the US, and Canada, and other countries, think this is wrong? Really, what's the big deal? We all have bums, we all have breasts, we all have either a penis or a vagina. What's the big deal?

When my son was not even a year old we went to a beach in Canada. My son was wearing a little swimmer. After being in the water and playing in the sand all day, he had sand in places he shouldn't have. Before we left I took off his little swimmer so I could put on a diaper. He was covered in sand. I decided to rinse it off before I put on a diaper. So I took him, nude, to the water to dip him in and rinse him off. A lady, also on the beach, actually yelled at me. How dare I strip my 11 month old son and take him naked, for all the world to see, to the water? No one needs to see his penis! It's just wrong?

Seriously? Until I moved to Canada I never ever wore a bathing suit, at least not for long. In Germany, as soon as my bathing suit got wet, I took it off, and spent the rest of the day on the beach, naked as the day I was born, like all the other kids on the beach. No one ever said a word, because it wasn't a big deal.

So please, tell me why nudity is such a big deal? I'd love to know why.

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Problem is I feel lonely when she is there..

I am not going to say that you are right or wrong, because I think this goes beyond sleeping habits. I think there may be a bit of jealousy and different expectations. I think you need to take a deeper look at your own emotions.

Does he walk around nude when his daughter isn't there? If he could, would he prefer a nudist or at very least clothing optional lifestyle?

The way you describe him holding his daughter sounds like a man who doesn't want to lose his child. A couple of days every other week is not much in the life of a child who is growing and changing every day.

You don't say how they act during the day. Are you included in 'family' activities or is his time spent primarily being a father?

What is the full dynamic? Are you perhaps subconsciously looking for wedges to place between father and daughter?

The father is not paying as much attention to the girlfriend when the daughter is there specifically because the child is impressionable. Just because two adults lie in bed together doesn't mean they have to get intimate.

Alty, I honestly have to agree with you on the nudity, for the most part. I bathe and my children aren't ashamed to walk in and visa versa. I change my clothes and they aren't afraid to walk in and visa versa. The US and Canada, just to name two countries has made nudity taboo.

Now, before you think I'm back peddling, I don't think that flaunting nudity by ambulating in your home, doing chores and/or housework nude, for example, is appropriate. There is a line that should be drawn.

I don't think nudity is a big deal. As soon as my son could walk he was nude running around in the sunshine. It was a healthy lifestyle. I just have a problem with this man cuddling his daughter in The same bed where his g/f is sleeping beside him. I am not a prude, but there is something wrong here.

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Now, before you think I'm back peddling, I don't think that flaunting nudity by ambulating in your home, doing chores and/or housework nude, for example, is appropriate. There is a line that should be drawn.

I completely agree. I don't walk around in the nude, it's too damn cold in this country to do that, and even if it were warm, no one needs to see a 43 year old walking around naked, especially the 43 year old in question. Also, cooking while nude is hazardous, especially if you're making bacon. Just saying. ;)

But I do change in front of my kids, I never lock the door to the bathroom in case they need me, so they have seen me shower, and seen me sitting on the toilet (sorry for tmi). In fact, I think I should lock the door when I'm using the facilities. If one kid comes in, the other does, and then the dogs, and before you know it the whole family is there. Just a few seconds of privacy would be nice!

Syd and I sometimes shower together. She calls it a shower bath. I shower, but push in the plug for the tub so she can sit in the tub. We do this if we're in a rush and the whole family needs to bathe before we got to where we're going. It saves time and hot water. If everyone needs to shower before we go somewhere, third and fourth person would be getting a lukewarm if not cold as ice shower.

I actually just asked Syd if she found it weird that we sometimes shower together, or that I change in front of her. Her reply "Mom, why are you asking that? Why would that be weird? I don't get it".

Neither do I. Jared is 15, and if he walks in on me changing, he doesn't even notice. He doesn't stare, I don't run to cover up, it's just mommy changing, mommy's body, and it's no big deal because I've never made it a big deal.

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I just have a problem with this man cuddling his daughter in The same bed where his g/f is sleeping beside him. I am not a prude, but there is something wrong here.

That's where we can agree to disagree. My son slept with my husband and I both until last year. He was 10 then. The only reason he still doesn't sleep with us is because the 3 of us no longer fit in the bed together.

Yes, I as,I cuddle him when he sleeps with me. Yes, his father cuddles him when they sleep together. There is nothing sexual about it.

Our daughter, she is now 20, co-slept with us until she was 12. There was nothing sexual there.

We we have one of the healthiest intact families of everyone I know.

I will have to go there also, my female friend wore just her pantyhose, no skirt or pants under her coat because we were going clothes shopping. She found it easier to try on clothes in the isle of the store. There are seldom changing rooms here in China, while it is not nude, you get the idea.

Also all male and all female bath house is a common thing, in winter few people bathe at home.

With that said, it appears there was a n issue at home, and the wife addresssed it in court. And it appears this is a culture where the human body is considered wrong for nudity.

If you have a issue with it, address it. Make it stop.If there is a court order for him not to be nude with child, he is in violation of that court order.

Talk to his ex wife and find out why it is a problem.

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As soon as my son could walk he was nude running around in the sunshine. It was a healthy lifestyle.

There is a difference between a toddler running around nude and a grown man. Just sayin'. ;)

I totally agree there is a problem.. I'm def. not jealous of the daughter in fact adore her.. But when I grew up I didn't sleep in between let alone in the same bed with my mother and her boyfriend.. ( whom now is my step father of 31yrs) and he never walked around nude in front of me! It was not "normal" to see his privates hanging out.. I help pay the bills and we live as a couple and feel I should have some say so when it comes to her sleeping in our bed.. I just feel like I'm walking on eggshells when I being up this subject.. I def. need to make some positive changes.. I feel like I'm in the way when she visits.. But when she isn't with us I'm #1 all of a sudden! Thank you for your advice!

Things are unlikely to change unless you change them. The alternative is sharing a bed with his daughter on the weekends and reclaiming your queen status when she leaves.

It's simple really express your concerns and set rules and boundaries, or keep the status quo. If he won't budge, then rethink this whole situation.