I've been with my ex for about a year now, things were going great except there were a lot of trust issues in the relationship( I didn't trust him because I've been hurt sooo many times). Recently, we broke up because he was texting a girl that we work with late at night. If found out that they had a crush on each other and decided to break things off immediately. Now we still live together and he used his "hurt" and "anger" towards me as an excuse to seal the deal and start sleeping with this chick.

I've tried kicking him out, ignoring him, I quit my job so I wouldn't have to see either one of them, but nothing seems to work. He refuses to move out because he has no money saved. However, in the meantime I keep allowing him to sway me back into the bedroom saying that he misses me and wishes he could take it all back, even though it makes me feel bad and I'm extremely scared of catching an STD, I keep going back to him because he's the only man I want to be touched by.

I try to stay away but he keeps roping me back in, I feel completely helpless and so alone. Even on nights when I try to stay with friends to avoid coming home, he's in my heart and my mind. I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't function, but he acts like he's doing just fine. I know that if he actually loved me he wouldn't have slept with her in the first place, but for some reason I keep kidding myself that we still have hope.


What can I do to avoid him and to get over this pain? It's extremely unhealthy and I'm scared for myself

The apartment or house, whose is it, if rented, whose name is it in.

If it is your apartment, and you want him out, evict him.
And you just say NO. stop listening to him.

Just keep the picture of him and the other girl in your head.

Just think he says the same words to her.
Keep the pain and the hate, till you get him gone.

You do seem to have a bad case of 'I can't help it.' Yes, you can. If you wanted him out you'd kick him out. If you didn't want to have sex with him you'd say no.

You also seem to have what might be a tendency to push him away just because you've been hurt before, which makes absolutely no sense. He's not them; he's not related to them; and no, all men are not alike. So you were setting yourself up for the fall by not trusting him from the start.

This roller coaster life must be exhausting. YOU need some help seeing yourself. Why am I being harsh? Because years ago I was the same way.

The lease is in both of our names so legally speaking, I cannot kick him out. I'm in a real bind. I try my best to push him off and tell him its all wrong, but as soon as he puts his hands on me he will grab me and refuse to let go or starts kissing me so passionately I lose myself and all my pride all my hatred I just want things to go back to the way they were, as impossible as it is. I feel so helpless. I really wish I could force myself to sleep with someone else to try to get revenge, to forget about him, to feel like I could move on but this isn't the answer either. I'm so lost

So YOU move out, and until that day, you tell him to keep his hands off you. 'Lose yourself and all your pride' is just so weak. You are trying to play the victim and you aren't. At least you realize that revenge sex is worse.

I have a sneaky feeling that you feel guilty for pushing him into her arms and this is why you are so wishy washy. If that is the case, then TALK to him about where you two really stand with each other, and whether the relationship is salvageable.

Really simple, stand for yourself or keep falling for his BS! His cheating is raw to you and I understand it. You have quit your job over this to make it easier for you, have you found another? If not you have made yourself dependent on him for a roof as well as emotionally. You can't kick him out, but you can leave and deal with the emotions, and you were probably dependent before he cheated.

As long as you keep taking the easy way out, nothing will change at all. Hell if a guy can cheat right in front of your face with a co worker at a job all three of you share, then no telling what he does behind your back. Lose the guilt and helpless feelings that hae you trapped on the pity pot, hurt and confused and lost.

Get the hell out of there and get your business together without his influence.

You sound like such a victim. It's quite pathetic really that you don't have enough self respect to realize that your own actions are not the responsibility of anyone but yourself.

What this boils down to is choices. You can choose to leave. You can choose to see that you are not a helpless victim. You can choose not to make excuses- for your own behavior in allowing this to go on and justifying it. There is no reason, or excuse, or justification in living your life the way you are, except you choose to.

There must be more to your history, or character to explain why you allow yourself to be used and abused this way. Are you really saying you have no confidence or self esteem? Have you had a history of men in your life like this?

From what you have said, you have made the choice to put up with his behavior, and call it like you are a victim of it. You are not a victim, you choose to be where you are, and accept what goes on, despite knowing that you could, yourself, walk out that door, and start a better life for yourself.

So what kind of advice are you looking for here?