Same relationship. Different face?
Hi everyone.
This is a long post so I had to split it... I know it may seem like the pathetic rambling of someone just dumped but if anyone could take the time to read it and give me any advice It would be great...
here's the thing. I've been in and out of relationships for the past 12 - 13 years. I have had 6 relationships where I have loved the person deeply.
My last one ended just a week ago and to be honest I am distraught about this.
The thing is, I am looking back and each relationship has been more or less the same. Well my first two were abusive, both physically, and mentally/emotionally.
But in all of these I have been the one to be dumped. Not just once by the same girl either.
The last one, I dated her years ago a couple of times but nothing ever came of it. We met again 7 years later and there was a spark there. I was single and had been for a year (following an on/of 18 month long distance relationship). Things moved quite quickly (honestly this was all on her part. Introducing me to family after a week. Told me she loved me very quickly also).
One year on and I've been told I don't have the feelings I should have for you any longer. She has ideas of what true love and soul mate are- wanting to touch each other at all times, (not possible with my daughter and sister living with me and with her living with two house mates. We never got a lot of time together alone). A lack of intimacy in our relationship (this I agree with and this is all completely down to me. I have a thing where I am afraid to be the one to initiate things for fear of rejection or fear I am doing things wrong etc. and this has just pushed this girl to a point where there's no return. I know it's my fault). I would love nothing more than for this girl who I love and would do absolutely anything for, who I saw myself ending up with, to want to work things out. But we met up yesterday and she's told me that this will not happen. She loves me. She misses me. But she doesn't have that feeling in her heart and does not believe that we can get that initial spark back that we had.
I understand in my mind in me head in my rational logical thoughts that this relationship is over. It's dead. She does not want me. She misses and loves only my company. We did lots of things together. Fun things. That's what she misses. I get that. She has very few friends and I am like this best friend who is no longer there and I know this is what she means. I "know" this. That's why I am writing here. I know this is over. I know she does not want me in the way I want her. Not anymore (maybe she never really did. Maybe it was just lust at the start or a thing she had always wondered about, took the opportunity to find out, didn't feel it and has now walked, either way I know in my head this is over).
I my heart is different. My heart (or the part of my brain that makes me think with what I feel rather than what is glaringly obvious) is saying to me too give her space, give her time to realise she's made a mistake, time to miss me to a point where she's saying no my life is no good without her, time to see that I actually am the one she wants to end up with and have a life and future with. Maybe if I do X,Y & Z, maybe she will come back to me.