Hi everyone, this is a 19 year old girl. Being in a conserved and gossipy society where rumors flow faster than water. Basically, I had really good friends whom I loved a lot and I know they loved me too. We had been friends for a year and a half. But however, things changed. Before, after months of friendship they found out something intimate going on between me and a guy. The 4 of them strictly said if we hear anything as such again we can't forgive you then. We used to hang out everyday, spend all the time together and do all the things together(share every bit of memory).

But, things changed when a bastard guy who I thought liked me took advantage of me. The same guy who I suppose was liked by one of the four. I swear I had no such intentions of having sexual intercourse but things happened as I thought he liked me as he said so and acted so as I liked him. I did not tell about this to my really close friends. But, things spread as I said before. They came to know about it and then they defriended me. All four of them. Since they wanted to know what I had been doing, I also told them about me hooking up with another guy a year ago which they were unaware of. They said they were disgusted of me and had no respect for me now. They said “we r not judging you but its just that we don't want to be friends with you anymore”.

Now I am lonely and always see the 4 hangout. It is hard for me, but I manage to smile and now have habituated to ignore the fact that they are together and I'm not a part of them. Anyway, I just wanted all of yours opinion on this. Isn't this judging? Didn't my closest friends whom I loved so much judged me for what I did? What should I do? Also, I have already tried apologizing them and sort things but things didn't work out well. I still love them even though they might hate me. I think this thing isn't bothering me but seems like it does somehow somewhere. It just crops out all of a sudden as they talk to that bastard but not me.

What should I do? How should I get over with it? What are your opinions on this? This is judging right?

Two problems as I see it.

The first is, you are blaming the 'bastard' for somehow conning you into having sex. The responsibility for this happening doesn't have anything to do with his method- seeming to really care, etc.- it has everything to do with you making the decision to do what you did. You do not seem very wise to the world if you couldn't have seen what happened, coming. The LAST thing you should ever do is make a decision to have sex with somebody you don't know, and when you are ready to engage in a sexual relationship, please make sure you have taken the time to know the other person really, really well.

I hope you used protection.

Yes, your friends judged you- obviously. Whatever their reasons are, they are also immature to just cut you off. People make mistakes, and people learn from their mistakes. You probably could have benefited from having better friends, who would have encouraged you to see what you did was not well thought out, potentially dangerous (STD's, pregnancy), and not very mature.

But your friends dumped you.

In a way the positive side of this might be, you need better friends, and you will be more selective, and find people who are not judgmental. Many of us go through many friends in our lives, only to discover that the solid friendships we have now, that last a lifetime, happened because we finally found those that were kind, understanding, sympathetic, reliable, non-judgmental, and honest. Even if being honest hurts- a good friend will be up front.

You have learned two very important lessons here. One is to reserve your dignity and make better decisions about smooth talkers who only want sex. The second is, to judge your friends not by you striving to live up to their standards and expectations, but whether they live up to yours. Choose your friends very carefully.

You have learned some valuable life lessons the hard way. 1) About guys and sex. 2) About the friends you keep. 3) about your own dignity and self respect.

The most valuable one is dealing with the gossip of chatterboxes in your business. Yes these so called friends are judging you, but your dependence on being a part of their circle is the thing examine. You walk your own path, not someone else's. That starts with taking responsibility for YOUR actions and stop blaming others for bad outcomes from YOUR decisions and actions.

You chose the guy, you chose the group. Neither was a good decision. Heal, rebuild, and do better by making better decisions for yourself. Jake laid it out rather well. Your friends are self righteous snobs, and you obviously don't fit in. Keep your personal business to yourself, and beware love coming with the condition of obedience.

You cannot be happy living up to the standards of others, and until your standards are better formed, and defined, don't fall for someone else's standards. Being accepted by a group comes with a high price to your dignity, and self respect, as does actions in the presumptions of love.

Learn from your growing pains and do better.

@Jake: yes, we did use protection i.e a levonogestrel pill. That is yet another problem I am having. I had periods once after that but haven't had it since then. I have missed 2 periods after that 1st period. I am hoping it is a side effect of the pill.
I am trying to make new friends. I do have a few but I am scared if they come to know about the reason why my old friends and I don't hang out anymore then they would do the same or hate me.
I am miles away from home and I miss home a lot. And also, I am really scared that if the people who my father and mother know will come to know about it as there are many people who my parents know here, then I would be hampering my parents reputation. Am I being a bad child? I really love my parents and don't want to do anything that would hurt them or their lives. They are really hardworking and reputed people. I could not tell my mom the reason of me not hanging out with them when she asked me because she would never approve of me having sexual intercourse. I think if my family comes to know about it then I am as good as dead. Also, I am scared that because of the things I did, it will hamper my future relationships too,like people talking about me saying she is like this and that. Life does teach a lot of lessons.