I used to have high libido but after several failed relationships I don't feel like having sex anymore. I'm still attracted to men, I just seem to have a sexual aversion in general. I haven't had sex for many years and I'm beginning to feel like a freak.

I'm still considered attractive. But as soon as a man finds me attractive and wants to get to know me, I freeze up. Usually I cannot find anything to say. I feel I'm sending mixed messages as well.

I feel embarrassed and want to get help.

You don't sound like a freak its normal to freeze up and if you explain that to whoever the person is you choose to talk to they'll probably find it cute and help you through it but if it helps have a drink or two to calm nerves. You could always try one of those online sites like zoosk or eharmony or plenty of fish its always easier to open up without someone in your face... about not wanting to have sex I don't know I'm a guy lol... Good Luck!

Thanks for the encouragment, timboslice, but I fear my problem is deep rooted and comes from trauma in the past. I have no idea how to resolve it. It´s like my libido is either too much or too little. I used to try to charm men for all the wrong reasons, like wanting them to save me or wanting to save them and feel needed. Now I´m totally celibate and not feeling good about it. As for joining online sites, I don´t have the courage yet, but I might if I get over this problem.

I have been following your story for a while and cannot help but feel your sexual loss is but a symptom of the over all course your life has been taking. Financial stress and job loss would blow anyone confidence and self esteem but at this point isolation has you with no options but to get someone to talk to.

How is the job search going?

Thanks for asking, Talaniman. I finally found a good job with a good salary so my finances have never been better since the recession started. I became a member of Debtors Anonymous and got help to get my finances in order. It will take me 8 years to get debt free, but in 2 years I will have paid the worst debts off.

Since I started working I´ve been meeting new people and some men have shown interest. I´ve had problems with relationships all my life, but would like to get that aspect of my life in order so I posted here.

I do agree that my confidence was really low when I was unemployed with bad debts and I do feel better now. However, I don´t seem to have the confidence or courage to respond to the men who show interest and I don´t even know if I´m interested or not. I´m very confused.

Glad to hear you are on a good path to being independent and financially secure. Single people can have big fun if they don't look at interacting as a start of a romantic relationship. What's the hurry to have someone to be in a relationship. Do the fun group things that meet your interest, like clubs for causes, or classes for new skills.

Just having interesting or fun things to do will boost self esteem, and self confidence. Just as you worked through you financial waters, so will you also work through your social ones the same way through a structured plan for FUN, metal stimulation, and making friends. For now those are the relationships to pursue a you shed past baggage, fears and insecurities. Just leave the notions of romance out of the plan for now, until you are ready. Focus on building a life that you enjoy with friends, family, and activities that make you happy.

You don't need a boyfriend, just good friends, both male and females. It starts with being good to yourself, and strong enough to explore and experiment, find your thing and do it for YOU. You will get stronger for it. The things you have learned from your support group, pass it on to new comers and do small things like make coffee arrange chairs or whatever you can as giving and being willing to volunteer when needed is a great way of building YOURSELF, and learning and growing.

Happiness is a state of mind, a process, not a destination, and gratitude is the attitude that fuels appreciation of things you have accomplished so far, and the things you will accomplish later. Be grateful you can rebuild and grow, and learn, and not fear what you cannot do now because you will later, eventually.


When you are ready. Its okay if you are not.

Thanks! :)