I've been with the father of my children on and off for 5 years. We have been doing fairly well. I love having him around and being a family to my two small children.

The problem is he doesn't want me to go anywhere without him. I asked if he minds if a friend and I went to a theme park this weekend. I haven't had fun in a long time. I'm only 23 and all I do is work, clean, cook, go to school and do family activities.

He doesn't go out either and says I have kids now, and I can't be running around with my friends. What should I do? Our home life is good besides this, and I feel like I'm missing out on life.

Your home life doesn't sound as good as you want us to believe it is. It sounds like he is slightly controlling.

You will have to talk about this with him...maybe do counseling....but if it was me, I wouldn't have my partner dictating anything I could or couldn't do. If I want to go out with friends, I do it.

You've been with him 'off and on' for 5 years? How is that a good relationship? Where do you or where does he go when 'off?' Who supports you, if he doesn't leave the house?

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Originally Posted by joypulv

You've been with him 'off and on' for 5 years? How is that a good relationship? Where do you or where does he go when 'off?' Who supports you, if he doesn't leave the house?

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We have had apartments together & when we broke up I manage on my own. We haven't broke up in the last year or so. I was 17 when I met him & we both have made some mistakes & have matured a lot so I try to focus on the now. I think that in the beginning I let him control me & now I don't know if it possible to change him. Can you teach a old dog new tricks? I love when we're doing family things together & on family outings but I hate that I hardly see friends or have fun. I feel like I'm watching life pass me by. I don't want miss out on having a family but I don't want to miss out on life & I need "girl time" I hardly ever laugh & everything is the same everyday. I'm 23 but feel so much older

Well now that you are on again for the last year any way, push for what you want and teach the old dog a new trick. Maybe its not the dog, but the trainer. Go along to get along sure isn't working is it?

Start by telling him girl time is not running around with friends and just because he is a couch potato you aren't.

Does he have any guy friends for watching demolition derbies or working on cars or playing poker or watching sports in someone's family room or going out to eat maybe at a sports bar?

Here's what I did with my husband after we had our first child: I gave him one evening a week of total freedom. He had two high school friends that he'd go out with or he'd hang out at his parents' house nearby or with his older brother. In turn, I got one evening a week to go shopping, hang out with my friends, go to the library for a program, or whatever. Neither of us could comment on or judge what the other was doing -- we had to trust each other (although we usually told each other what we'd be doing and would give a phone number, if possible).

Meanwhile, the one at home took over the baby. Of course, I had to first train him how to diaper a wiggly infant and wipe up spit-up. Then, on other evenings, we might do grocery shopping with Baby in tow or go to his parents' house (mine lived 600 miles away) or go out to eat or do something with the three of us together.

It's all about balance.

Do the two of you, without the kids, go out together? Maybe he is feeling like he is valued only at home with you and the kids, and not just the two of you once in a while.

Could he be feeling overwhelmed and underappreciated? Just like you are?

He could be wondering why you can manage your life to include your friends, but not manage your life to include just him.

You go out and have fun- great! He stays home and becomes resentful.

You can do nothing to encourage him to go out with his friends, if he chooses not to. He should not be pressuring you to give up your friends.

But, maybe if there were some sort of balance there. Getting a sitter in once a week, just to get out for pizza and a movie, does wonders for busy parents. It takes effort, but it is well worth it.

Perhaps both of you are looking for the same thing.