Hi Everyone.

Before I start, I just wanted to say this is a fantastic site that I'm so happy to have found. Each reply is sincere and quality. I've been browsing this site for a while before signing up, because I actually thought you had to pay for it due to the great quality and effort put into the answers I was reading. Ironically the emphasis on free also made me think fees were involved hehe.

ANYWAY!

I'm in a relationship rut right now and would love some advice.
I'm 19 now and have been with my boyfriend for over 2 years. For the past two months though, I've just fallen out of love with him. I'm finding it hard to commit myself to one person only, especially since my boyfriend was my first serious (emotional and physical) relationship. It's hard because I'm getting so many offers from all these older, much more attractive, smarter etc men.

I ended up having some sort of relationship with one of them and sleeping with them after I had broken it off with my boyfriend. I told him this later and he's forgiven me and still wants me back.

The thing is, when I'm broken up with him I feel like I've made the biggest mistake of my life and I go back, but then when I'm with him, I become frustrated with myself for going back. I look at him and have trouble finding him attractive, at times I'm even repulsed. Before I offend anyone, I know it's superficial, but I'm only 19 and sexual attraction is an important aspect I believe.

Last night, I went back to him again and slept over (blowing off plans to go out with the other guy). My 'boyfriend' is so happy, I really don't want to crush him again by leaving. Similarly, I don't want to tell this other guy again that I can't see him anymore because I'm not over my ex.

How can I just make up my mind, be happy and stop hurting people?

Thank you for taking the time to read this, I know it's long

- HipHipHooray

To be honest I think you have to stop dating both of them and any other guys. Just as your thread says, your hurting guys left and right and it's not fair to them or yourself.

You need to remove all guys from your life and then go on a voyage of self discovery and determine what you want in a guy. Write it down if you have to. When after 6 months or a year you have a good idea what your looking for you can slowly start dating guys like you described.

The reality is your ideas are going to change as you get older and more life experience but if you go into everything blind you'll never figure out what it is your looking for. At least have a starting point.

Chuff's reply above says it all. You need to decide what your priorities are and focus on that and only that. The fact that you keep jumping from man to man who seem on the opposite side of the spectrum (young, older) and things like that tell me that you really haven't assessed yourself and what it is that you want out of a relationship. If you don't do this first you'll only continue with the same old patterns and never get anywhere.

Thank you Chuff and s_cianci

While that isn't what I wanted to hear, nor what I think will be easy for me to do, I know deep down it's the best thing to do.

It's not so much on the opposite side of the spectrum, just a bit of age difference (3 years).

The thing is, I just have a problem with being alone. It's my own issue I guess, and I should deal with it alone. But, you know, if I'm having trouble leaving one opportunity it's definitely hard leaving both!

My boyfriend/ex is begging me to come back and give us a decent go one more time, I hate seeing him like this. I can't believe I could do this to anyone

Quote:

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Originally Posted by HipHipHooray

Thank you Chuff and s_cianci

While that isn't what i wanted to hear, nor what i think will be easy for me to do, i know deep down its the best thing to do.

It's not so much on the opposite side of the spectrum, just a bit of age difference (3 years).

The thing is, i just have a problem with being alone. It's my own issue i guess, and i should deal with it alone. But, you know, if i'm having trouble leaving one opportunity it's definitely hard leaving both!

My boyfriend/ex is begging me to come back and give us a decent go one more time, i hate seeing him like this. I can't believe i could do this to anyone

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If you can't be comfortable being alone your never going to be comfortable with someone. So many people hop from one person to the next always getting used or afraid to look inside themselves and see what there running from. They use the other person as a way to distract them from facing their own realities.

Chuff, that really hit a soft spot.

Chillingly I know you're right. I know exactly what about (my own problem), I keep thinking an exciting relationship will fix it, but I need to get it from myself

Thank you