I'm scared of losing him.
Hi everyone!
Very confused lately, for the past month and a half I feel like I am pushing me boyfriend away and that is the last thing I want. I get drunk and accuse him or start silly little rows for no reason, I know I have very low self esteem and little confidence because of past relationships.
We have been together for about a year and everything used to be amazing, it still is, our good times are really good. It just seems to be me getting so drunk I say things I don't mean. I don't know why that I do. I guess I'm always just expecting or thinking the worst.
It all came to a head a few days ago when he dumped me, I begged and begged him to give me another chance and he has, but I feel now like I've lost him? He said at the time he was angry, peeved off and needed space, that he can't do it anymore if I'm going to keep saying hurtful things and accusing him and I have swore I won't.
I hate feeling like this and I love him so much. I don't want to hurt him. We sorted things out and had a nice day together but now its just playing on my head. I'm scared because I know it's the last chance. I'm scared because I don't want to lose him, and I know I will if I keep continuing this. The fact he gave me another chance and he still loves me means so much to me but I just can't shake the feeling that he will end things. :(