I'm a 13 year old girl, && I love this 16 year old girl. She's not a bad influence && she's never pressure me to do anything. My mom hates her though because she recently told me she wanted to be my, "first time" && I agreed. Ever since then my mom has hated her. I know I'm under the age, but still... if I really like this girl, shouldn't I be able to at least talk to her? I agreed to having sex with her. I know I won't get pregnant either.. so what's the harm? I need help..

'Harm' is a vary vague word in the realm of emotions and relationships. 13 is light years away from 16, for one thing. But none of that matters in the face of what your mother has told you. As long as she is responsible for you in every sense, including legally, then you have to do what she says.
Depending on where you live, there may be laws about this too, whether you are two girls or two boys or a boy and a girl. You can research 'age of consent' for your state. Laws about this are changing all the time, so keep checking.
A 16 year old should not be allowing herself to get involved with a 13 year old. She's old enough to know better, but not old enough to realize the consequences to your well being.

Bottom line: mom says no.

You are underage That's the harm. You are not chronologically old enough or mature enough to consent to having sex. If she were to have sex with you, she could wind up in jail. For her to even be having a conversation about sex with you, could get her in jail. I'm not surprised your mother is angry. In fact, she is being nice by not calling the police on this girl.

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Originally Posted by ScottGem

You are underage That's the harm. You are not chronologically old enough or mature enough to consent to having sex. If she were to have sex with you, she could wind up in jail. For her to even be having a conversation about sex with you, could get her in jail. I'm not surprised your mother is angry. In fact, she is being nice by not calling the police on this girl.

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Yes yes I know this. I don't even want a relationship based on just sex & I haven't had any sexual intercourse with ANYONE. I had also talked to my mom about it & apologized for everything but she still doesn't like it that the girl I dated is in fact a girl... & she doesn't want me to go that way but be straight & I think it's kind of unfair that she's choosing my life & how I am to grow up.. as in, she won't let me express my personality..

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Originally Posted by averagenightelf

she doesn't want me to go that way but be straight & I think it's kind of unfair that she's choosing my life & how I am to grow up.. as in, she won't let me express my personality..

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I doubt if there is a parent who would want their child to "go that way". But there are many parents, who will accept it.

Your mother wants the best for you, even if her thinking about what is best may be prejudiced. But she's not "choosing" your life and if you truly are gay (]m not saying you aren't but 13 is young to be sure about it), hopefully she will come to accept it.

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Originally Posted by joypulv

'Harm' is a vary vague word in the realm of emotions and relationships. 13 is light years away from 16, for one thing. But none of that matters in the face of what your mother has told you. As long as she is responsible for you in every sense, including legally, then you have to do what she says.
Depending on where you live, there may be laws about this too, whether you are two girls or two boys or a boy and a girl. You can research 'age of consent' for your state. Laws about this are changing all the time, so keep checking.
A 16 year old should not be allowing herself to get involved with a 13 year old. She's old enough to know better, but not old enough to realize the consequences to your well being.

Bottom line: mom says no.

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OK. I looked it up to be opened to your statement, but I also have a question. What if there was in fact... no sexual intercourse whatsoever. Just a dating relationship up I'm no longer a minor?

Teen relationships can be in trouble not just from getting pregnant. There's sort of a 'guilty until proven innocent, or even guilty regardless of innocence' because parents can have the older person charged with various things that fall under risk of injury to a minor. It isn't fair, but it isn't supposed to be - it's designed to protect. Getting a disease, or just being out somewhere with her without permission, such as at a party where the cops are called, or walking down the street and someone hits you, or you are in a car and get in an accident... there are infinite ways a parent can cause trouble.

Parents give dating permission all the time. This is something you have to work on with your mother, over time. It isn't going to be easy.

When you are no longer a minor you can do whatever you want in this regard.

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Originally Posted by joypulv

Teen relationships can be in trouble not just from getting pregnant. There's sort of a 'guilty until proven innocent, or even guilty regardless of innocence' because parents can have the older person charged with various things that fall under risk of injury to a minor. It isn't fair, but it isn't supposed to be - it's designed to protect. Getting a disease, or just being out somewhere with her without permission, such as at a party where the cops are called, or walking down the street and someone hits you, or you are in a car and get in an accident... there are infinite ways a parent can cause trouble.

Parents give dating permission all the time. This is something you have to work on with your mother, over time. It isn't going to be easy.

When you are no longer a minor you can do whatever you want in this regard.

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Okok. I mean the girl I dated hasn't put me in any harm or danger at all. She actually makes me feel better when I'm depressed & she's always a shoulder to cry on. She's a really amazing person & has goals in her life, it's just the one mishap & everyone looks at her from that & I don't want them too. That's what I don't know what to do about because I want them to actually see the her that I see..

You are trying to convince US. We are just total strangers telling you what your mother can do. You have to show your mother how nice she is. You do that by not arguing, by doing your homework and getting good grades, by doing what she wants around the house. THEN you calmly and as maturely as you can try to talk to her about this older girl. But don't count on getting anywhere. Parents just don't want their kids hanging out with older kids, period.

The fact that this girl approached you in this way is questionable. She should not even be hanging out with you. As a mom I would not want my 13 year old hanging out with a 16year old.
Your mom has said no and you need to obey your mom and if this girl has your best interest at heart she would not want you going against your mom, she would leave you alone and be with someone her own age.

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

The fact that this girl approached you in this way is questionable. She should not even be hanging out with you. As a mom I would not want my 13 year old hanging out with a 16year old.
Your mom has said no and you need to obey your mom and if this girl has your best interest at heart she would not want you going against your mom, she would leave you alone and be with someone her own age.

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But this girl cares about me? She didn't go against my mom. & my mom had no problem with her age, just the sex. & I told my mom I wouldn't do that so.. I DID obey that. But my mom is just afraid I will disobey that. & not to mention, this girl has known my family since she was in 3rd grade I recently found out. & I love that girl no matter what..

Having feelings is fine but never get so carried away by your feelings and disobey your mom, or cause her concerns. Your time will come to make decisions but its just NOT NOW.

The bottom line is that you're 13. You need your parents permission to date anyone. If your mom won't agree to let you see this girl, doing so would be against the law. The girl you claim to love so much could get into a lot of trouble.

You seem to think that because it's two girls having sex, it's not a big deal. It is! Just because you won't get pregnant doesn't mean it's okay for a child to have sex. It's very scary for me, as a mom, to hear you say that. Sex is sex, and no child is ready for that step.

Your mom has legitimate concerns. You may have changed your mind and decided you're not ready to have sex with this girl, but you were at one point. Mom has every reason to keep you away from this person. You say she's not a bad influence, but she's the one that told you she wanted to be your first. She's the one that tried to coerce you into having sex. Mom is doing everything right in my opinion. I'd be doing the same, and it has nothing to do with the fact that you're both girls. It has everything to do with keeping her child safe.

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Originally Posted by averagenightelf

I love that girl no matter what..

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I'm sorry but at 13 you will probably feel you are in love a half dozen more times before you reach adulthood. You are too young to understand the feelings you are having and especially too young to act on them. That's why there are laws (and, hopefully, parents) to protect people your age.

If this girl really care about you she will leave you alone until you are older.

I agree with Scott, and have to add, even the 16 year old has no idea what love is. There's a reason that children are protected, and it's because their brains haven't matured enough to handle adult things. That's not to say that children aren't smart, their brains just haven't matured enough to handle certain things.

At 13 , no matter how mature you think you are, no matter how smart you think you are, no matter how much in love you think you are, your brain just hasn't grown enough to not only handle any of this, but it can't even fully understand it. It is what it is.

Even at 18, when you're considered an adult, your brain isn't ready to handle being an actual adult. It's part of growing up.

I would be very comfortable betting you a thousand dollars that you will not end up with this girl forever. The love you think you have for her will wane very quickly. You'll be in "love" and I used quotes because at your age you really don't understand intimate love, many times in your life. What you have is infatuation. She makes you feel good. She makes you feel special. You're starting to have physical urges and she makes you feel those too. But that's not love.

Sadly, because you're 13, I don't expect you to understand this, or accept this. Your brain is also not mature enough to understand that this isn't real love. It feels like real love, like the stuff you see in movies, the stuff you read in books, the stuff you dream about. You think that you know it all, that you can handle anything. The teen brain is actually very cruel, because it's not ready to handle any of this, but it fools the owner of the brain into thinking it can. It really can't.

As adults we know this, and that's why there are laws to protect children, in spite of their very immature brains.

If this is real love there's no hurry. Real love can wait. So wait until you're old enough to love her without having to ask your parents permission. That's the mature thing to do.