Ask Me Help Desk - I'm not close to my dad. It feels awkward, any advice?

I was and am not very close with my dad.. I mean we get along pretty fine but the last time I was really close to him was when I was 4.. I'm 17 now. He has a hectic job where he works till night and his job is somewhat different so he rarely gets holidays. My mom is a housewife so me and bro are closer to her.

What I don't understand is that when I was 14 I started to think he was annoying and I still do sometimes.. he asks and says things that I feel annoyed with so I answer with an annoyed tone which makes things worse. I tried to control but sometimes it just came naturally. We rarely talk nowadays as there is no topic to talk about.. he is busy so he doesn't know anything about us.. like what I like or what exams/classes I have and my hobbies.. he leaves it to my mom.

Soon, our family is becoming more distant.. I study in my room for major exams and use the computer, my bro plays computer games and mom just does housework.. What's sad is that I see him come home everyday and sit on the couch all alone downstairs while the three of us spend more time upstairs.. I don't want him to feel left out but I can't bring myself to sit on the couch with him as it's awkward and we don't talk. We usually don't see eye to eye or have sae interest. Exp: he watches sports and old people singing shows.. I don't like those shows.

I really tried to bring myself to sit on the couch but always ends up back to my room or facing my phone to avoid awkwardness.. I wan't my family to be close again.. I feel bad seeing him like this knowing he feels left out and lonely.. any advice? It's really hard to start a conversation as we don't talk about daily stuff/ mushy stuff but just asks question.. sorry for the long post >< thanks!

First off you are experiencing what a lot of teens experience. I know I went through the same thing when I was a teen as well. The good part is that you want to do something about it.

We don’t get to pick our parents and siblings. Parents and kids don’t always have a perfect relationship and that is okay. There is a love there that bonds us together because that is family. Jobs can be stressful. There could be other things in his life that are causing him to be stressed. He might have a difficult time dealing with stress and it shows through what you are experiencing. That doesn’t mean he loves you any less.

There are several things you can do to help out the situation. Invite your dad to a movie night or some activity that you both will enjoy. Suggest a project around the house that you both can participate in. Suggest going to pick out the Christmas tree as a family, assuming that you do celebrate Christmas. It doesn’t have to be about sports or old people singing shows. Just a little step by you could turn this whole thing around.

Good Luck!

Part of your problem is YOU getting over your awkwardness, and being able to share quiet TV time with him. Then you will not be awkward and understand the man who is your father. Relax, most parents and kids who do not spend a lot of time around each other have the same problem and it's not solved instantly but mainly as the kids grow older and start understanding the adult world.

Look around and see what your dad provides for his family, and the sacrifices he has to make for them to have what they have. He works hard for those things and cannot always be there, but is when he can and sits where he is available. Maybe say thanks and be grateful for what you have that his work has provided and let him know that you appreciate and understand, then you will know he loves you with actions when the words are not there.

It's a normal adjustment when kids are reaching adulthood. It's harder for some than others. How to show love.

Do you eat dinner before he gets home? Traditionally even the most 'busy' or distant family manages to get together over one meal. How about asking him what he likes to eat most, and then cooking it just for him, and sitting with him while he eats? How about everyone waiting until he gets home to have dinner? What about his days off - make sure you all are there for one major meal a week?

Food is the great peacemaker, and the glue that holds families together.

As for what to talk about, tell him all about school and your friends and what you want to do with your life.
And ask him about work, and his childhood, and his parents, and what he would do if he were retired now... be creative.
(I remember asking my dad 'What would you do for a living, if it could be whatever you want?' He said run a radio station.

Quote:

Originally Posted by joypulv

Do you eat dinner before he gets home? Traditionally even the most 'busy' or distant family manages to get together over one meal. How about asking him what he likes to eat most, and then cooking it just for him, and sitting with him while he eats? How about everyone waiting until he gets home to have dinner? What about his days off - make sure you all are there for one major meal a week?

Food is the great peacemaker, and the glue that holds families together.

As for what to talk about, tell him all about school and your friends and what you want to do with your life.
And ask him about work, and his childhood, and his parents, and what he would do if he were retired now... be creative.
(I remember asking my dad 'What would you do for a living, if it could be whatever you want?' He said run a radio station.

Oh we never eat dinner as a family :/ my dad comes home late at night and he prefers to eat around midnight while watching wrestling.. the rest of us just randomly sit anywhere and eat >< we do eat together during occasions but there is very little conversations.. but somehow when we go out to eat its more comfortable as there are the sounds of many people.. I don't think he would care about my school and stuff lol I think it would be awkward and weird to bring it up suddenly, I do know some things about his life but I'll give it a try one day.. that sounds like a good question :) Thaanks!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Oliver2011

First off you are experiencing what a lot of teens experience. I know I went through the same thing when I was a teen as well. The good part is that you want to do something about it.

We don’t get to pick our parents and siblings. Parents and kids don’t always have a perfect relationship and that is okay. There is a love there that bonds us together because that is family. Jobs can be stressful. There could be other things in his life that are causing him to be stressed. He might have a difficult time dealing with stress and it shows through what you are experiencing. That doesn’t mean he loves you any less.

There are several things you can do to help out the situation. Invite your dad to a movie night or some activity that you both will enjoy. Suggest a project around the house that you both can participate in. Suggest going to pick out the Christmas tree as a family, assuming that you do celebrate Christmas. It doesn’t have to be about sports or old people singing shows. Just a little step by you could turn this whole thing around.

Good Luck!

What you say is true :) I think it would be hard for us to do stuff like that as we are not that close.. the one and only thing that we have passion for and brings us together is painting.. I try to paint as much as I could just to get close to him and ask help/ opinion from him.. tht's when we get more talking time.. but I can't keep painting often so yeah I'll try to do some of your suggestions with him :D Thank youu :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

Part of your problem is YOU getting over your awkwardness, and being able to share quiet TV time with him. Then you will not be awkward and understand the man who is your father. Relax, most parents and kids who do not spend a lot of time around each other have the same problem and it's not solved instantly but mainly as the kids grow older and start understanding the adult world.

Look around and see what your dad provides for his family, and the sacrifices he has to make for them to have what they have. He works hard for those things and cannot always be there, but is when he can and sits where he is available. Maybe say thanks and be grateful for what you have that his work has provided and let him know that you appreciate and understand, then you will know he loves you with actions when the words are not there.

It's a normal adjustment when kids are reaching adulthood. It's harder for some than others. How to show love.

Yea, I'm trying to overcome the awkwardness that's why I'm seeking for help haha.. but when we watch TV.. we don't have conversations or topics ( I suck at finding topics) so it's a little hard to get to know him more.. Yes.. just last year I thought about him working hard providing a good life for us.. this thought never occurred to me until last year.. I thought about it and it makes me sad that I can't do much.. because of us he has to work hard.. wake up early every morning and come home late every night.. sacrificing his life and time with us.. so I'm trying to be closer to him so he doesn't feel like he is not important or that we've grew distant from him because of his short time with us.. I wan't him to come home to a happy, comfy house where he can talk to me and not sit alone on the couch.. I'm trying to break that barrier(awkwardness) so, Thank youu for your advice :')

Oh my heart goes out to both of you! Give him a big hug for me and thank him for all he does for his family. You are a wonderful 17 year old daughter, when most teens are complaining about everything under the sun.

Quote:

Originally Posted by joypulv

Oh my heart goes out to both of you! Give him a big hug for me and thank him for all he does for his family. You are a wonderful 17 year old daughter, when most teens are complaining about everything under the sun.

You're too sweet haha thank you :)