It all started when I went to her place Friday night and I was helping her set up her bookshelf and we watched TV. Usually we have sex all the time but I really wanted to have sex this time. She was "tired" and she "fell asleep" knowing I kind of wanted to have sex with her. She turned down my advances and I stormed out..

She probably really was tired but that night I called her and she picked up. Tired people don't pick up when they're tired.. I was trying to tell her that I felt hurt that she kind of turned me down and all I heard was silence and then I kept saying hello until she said she didn't hear me, say it again.. And that went on for at least 6 or 7 more times. She told me she was tired that's why she wasn't answering me but I was trying to compromise with her and come up with a plan so both of us could be happy but she thought sleep was more important so I said **** you and hung up.. Then I sent harsh texts like name calling, telling her to rot in hell, and saying she's going to be a ******** for guys and that she never liked having sex with me in the first -place --

After that she felt some type of way naturally and I felt bad and we reconciled but it wasn't the same.. She told me she felt forced into being with me. So I told her I'll give her space and we broke up.. And then I tried texting her and calling her and she would never respond which she later said was the result of me being disrespectful to her but still, she saw I was trying and I was sorry. But it just made me feel like I was being played so I cursed her out through text again and this went on about 3 or 4 times back and forth for a month.. Then we was texting one day and I was telling her how if she really loved me she would be with me regardless of the **** I said.. and she told me she wanted to be with me and that she loved me and then the same day texted me and said she has moved on and she doesn't want to be with me and I spazzed out through text again with no replies from her..

I then decided to go visit her Tuesday morning and I bought her breakfast. Mind you, part of the reason I spazzed was because she would turn me down every time I wanted to see her just to talk.. She agreed with me two times and then texted me later that day and said she can't make it.. But anyways/I decided to go drop by for a visit.

Before I went to her house I recorded some vocals dedicated to her and sent it to her email and I had this plan in my head on getting her back.. So I knocked on her door and another man comes out and ssaid she's not here but in my mind how does he know IM there to see her and who is he? I knew this girl for so many years and I have never seen this guy before ever = So I politely said OK and left. But then I started putting the pieces together and realized she was having sex with this guy and that she was probably there.. I called her phone and he picked up saying I got her phone and that he's her man now and hung up.. I was devastated. I texted her phone assuming he was looking too but I told her how much of a liar she was and that I don't feel sorry for the things I said anymore since you're able to move on so quick. She texted me and said that her exact words: "I told you I was with someone else.." and I know for a fact she never did and then she texted me "I did tell you I was with someone else and I told you I moved on which is the same thing" so she never told me - She said this. Her exact words:

"I didnt lie to you. I told you I moved and u know what that meant. And I didnt do anything. You did this. You were the one who disrespected me, not the other way around and dont say its because I ignored you and did this and that.. thats no excuse and plus I ignored you for disrespecting me and I wasnt having it.. yeah you apologized but then u disrespected me again.. Im not and wasnt having it. And dont make it seem like me telling you I loved you meant that I lied because I didnt.. so dont make it seem like I played you becuse I didnt"

----- I actually see where she's coming from but I texted her that if your love for me was that strong, you would be with me regardless. Love conquers all.
I just have a feeling she never liked me like that. On top of me being unemployed, not endowed, a homebody, hardly getting along with her family and friends and stuff that I can't remember.. I know Im not perfect and no one is. I called her fat and I regret calling her that as well as all the other disrespectful stuff I said. I just don't get how she can actually have a boyfriend when we just broke up in October.. Did she really love me or was she just playing with me? I have a feeling she broke up with me because of the sex to be honest.. I get that a lot. But is she to blame? Personally I think its both of us but letme know people

Yeah it was both of you and this is dead. Doubt if this was the first incident that escalated. Thankfully it's the last.

She is not responsible for your break-up. You and your behavior are the direct cause of what happened.

I highly suggest you take a step back and look at how you behaved. No person, male or female, should even consider putting up with a person who are controlling, verbally abusive, harassing and in able to grasp the concept of working on their own issues. She could love you with all of her heart, but that isn't enough to counter the negative behavior you think she should put up with.

She told you she was letting you and your relationship go. She appears to have tried using No Contact to give herself a chance to move forward. I wouldn't be surprised if once she said goodbye she realized that you were not good for her and her self-esteem. Behavior like you have exhibited does not begin one night. It develops over time and erodes the foundation the relationship is built on.

Stop thinking about her and trying to place the blame anywhere other than on yourself. Look at your own anger issues and ways to fix them. If your partner says no when you want sex, back off and don't make it about you if she says she is tired. Don't badger and harass her until she explodes and says things you don't want to hear that may or may not be what she really feels. Do learn how to communicate.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Yeah it was both of you and this is dead. Doubt if this was the first incident that escalated. Thankfully it's the last.

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I specifically said it wasn't the first incident.

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Originally Posted by Cat1864

She is not responsible for your break-up. You and your behavior are the direct cause of what happened.

I highly suggest you take a step back and look at how you behaved. No person, male or female, should even consider putting up with a person who are controlling, verbally abusive, harassing and in able to grasp the concept of working on their own issues. She could love you with all of her heart, but that isn't enough to counter the negative behavior you think she should put up with.

She told you she was letting you and your relationship go. She appears to have tried using No Contact to give herself a chance to move forward. I wouldn't be surprised if once she said goodbye she realized that you were not good for her and her self-esteem. Behavior like you have exhibited does not begin one night. It develops over time and erodes the foundation the relationship is built on.

Stop thinking about her and trying to place the blame anywhere other than on yourself. Look at your own anger issues and ways to fix them. If your partner says no when you want sex, back off and don't make it about you if she says she is tired. Don't badger and harass her until she explodes and says things you don't want to hear that may or may not be what she really feels. Do learn how to communicate.

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And you are absolutely right. I always felt like being with me lowered her self-esteem like she can do better. Its funny because both of our friends told us that we can both do better... she's fat, lazy, and materialistic and Im not well endowed, a homebody, and broke. . I blame myself and I always take responsibility for my actions always. But my intuition tells me in this situation it was more than me just being disrespectful when she was being disrespectful to me first.

You don't handle disappointment and anger very well, and 'spazz out' quite a lot when you don't get your own way. And this is really what your post was all about.

Now that the relationship is over- I repeat- o-v-e-r- you should take advantage of this time between girlfriends to figure out, what a healthy relationship is.

Make a list of what you already know what a healthy relationship isn't. It isn't demanding, demeaning, name calling, accusations, insults, compulsive angry texting, blaming, or making the huge mistake of calling an unhealthy relationship 'love'.

Problems are not solved by anger particularly, which is what motivated you to do all the miserable things you did. Try to understand and gain some insight into why your anger, and inability to control it, was at the root cause of how you conducted yourself in this (now) past relationship, and why anger has become 'normal' behavior for you.

If you don't learn how to manage your emotions, and regard others with more respect (even during the worst of times), you are doomed to repeat what has happened the next relationship, and the next, and so on.

Who you are is the person you present to others. See if you can't at least imagine what your behavior does to the person on the receiving end. Does it make them love you more? Does it make them feel happy, secure, respected? Or is your behavior such that it wears a person out.

I hope you learn from this, about yourself. It is time to go from sounding like a bruised teenager having a hissy fit, to a mature man, able to enter into a mature relationship.

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Originally Posted by Jake2008

You don't handle disappointment and anger very well, and 'spazz out' quite a lot when you don't get your own way. And this is really what your post was all about.

Now that the relationship is over- I repeat- o-v-e-r- you should take advantage of this time between girlfriends to figure out, what a healthy relationship is.

Make a list of what you already know what a healthy relationship isn't. It isn't demanding, demeaning, name calling, accusations, insults, compulsive angry texting, blaming, or making the huge mistake of calling an unhealthy relationship 'love'.

Problems are not solved by anger particularly, which is what motivated you to do all the miserable things you did. Try to understand and gain some insight into why your anger, and inability to control it, was at the root cause of how you conducted yourself in this (now) past relationship, and why anger has become 'normal' behavior for you.

If you don't learn how to manage your emotions, and regard others with more respect (even during the worst of times), you are doomed to repeat what has happened the next relationship, and the next, and so on.

Who you are is the person you present to others. See if you can't at least imagine what your behavior does to the person on the receiving end. Does it make them love you more? Does it make them feel happy, secure, respected? Or is your behavior such that it wears a person out.

I hope you learn from this, about yourself. It is time to go from sounding like a bruised teenager having a hissy fit, to a mature man, able to enter into a mature relationship.

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I was never always like that. So its not a problem. I never had "anger problems" until recently. I've nevee felt this way before and yeah I may sound like a bruised teenager but I don't really care because my feelings was real. It was a good relationship and I never did this before.. if anything I felt like we were both not being mature. My faulte because of the way I disrespected her and her fault for being non-communicative.

Are you saying that she brings out the worst in you, and that is how you ended up being verbally abusive toward her?

So, the anger you showed was her fault?

If she gave in to the sex that you wanted in the first two paragraphs of your post, do you think things would be okay? If things went your way, in other words, you'd still be together?

Or, as is more likely, this last round showed her, and should have shown you, that the two of you are not mature enough to handle a serious relationship. When it boils down to your question, which was, "Is my ex-girlfriend technically to blame for break-up"- what difference does it make who 'wins' or who 'loses'.

It's over, and I do think that you should take some time to reflect on just how bad it got, and what you need to do, to make sure the next relationship is more equal, loving, and stable.

Neither of you was capable of a mature healthy relationship outside the bedroom. Lack of good communications is a two way street and a real indication the lust was gone and there was nothing to build on afterward.

Unfortunately, you only had/have control over your actions not hers, and she isn't here to explain herself. Its always the actions or reactions between both partners that make or break a relationship, no matter the personal flaws we may all have. That's why maybe you were a boob from what you have written, but no way to tell what her side is, and sorry you may not be all that reliable in relaying her side.

So I blame you both. It may have been fun for a short time but that's well over with. Make yourself better and learn from the experience.