HI,

I met a girl 4 months ago. She's 23, I'm 26. For the first 3 months we just texted back and forth. Some of her texts were on weekends and she would ask how my night went did I pick up etc. We got together and started sleeping together 1 month ago for the first time. Then 2.5 weeks later we slept together again. She has told me she has had a very bad 5 year relationship previously and has her walls up around me.

Then we were chatting and she was asking me about girls and I said well how many guys have you got and she said she only slept with 1 other guy in the last 2 weeks apart from me. She goes you told me you were busy and you seem like you have heaps of girls after you. I was very surprised as I didn't believe she was sleeping with anyone else. She has told me she likes me but doesn't want to get hurt. She has also said I should come over and bang her next week. Do I just go over and bang her?

We have sort of chatted on messages and I haven't really told her I think her sleeping with someone a week after we did was pretty slutty as she has told me time after time that she's not like that and if she was she would have slept with me straight away. But then does sleep with another guy a week after me?

What do I do, should I go there next week and bang her like who cares?

She's been hurt in the past, so she thinks this casual attitude is proof that she doesn't care anymore and isn't going to let it hurt her.
You have been casual about the whole relationship, letting her define it, and now are hurt and bewildered by her casualness.
You are both old enough to start showing some genuine feelings, to start talking about what each step means. 'Bang' good grief. Pretty cold, no?
I'll bet she hopes you will say no, I'm not going to bang you next week because I'm starting to like you too much, and hope we can spend more time talking about each other and life and the past and the future, and take it more slowly, and see how the relationship develops.

There is a problem with not being in a serious, loving, sold relationship, BEFORE sex.

Friends with benefits, which is what you have, doesn't mean she can't sleep with the football team, and you can't sleep with the cheerleading squad.

To say that her sleeping with someone after sleeping with you, makes her behavior slutty- is a contradiction. You both need to get to the hardware store and buy a moral compass- even the cheap version.

You are judging her by the lowest possible standards, for behavior you did too. Sleeping with each other, for no other reason (stated or implied) than sleeping with each other, means nothing more than what cats do in the neighborhood in the dark of night.

Texting for 4 months doesn't mean squat. It doesn't qualify you as a good person, or potential boyfriend. Same with her- she is no better than you.

The two of you sound perfect for each other. Unreasonable behavior you're trying to make sense of, judging each other on how many sexual partners you've had and wondering if you should just go 'bang' her.

I think you should both go and find a couple of trees in a jungle somewhere, and do your thing.

If you wanted something other than a bang bang party you should have said so long ago.

You are friends with benefits and are doing your own things so why are you judging her and not yourself. She gave, you took, and came back for more. What did you expect? What difference does it make if you both act like sluts? Your choice to keep that going.

You're friends with benefits. If you want to be exclusive you have to tell her that, and then stick to being exclusive. Since you're just "banging" her, she can "bang" anyone else she wants. You're not in a relationship.

The problem with this situation is that she is only your sex buddy, not your girlfriend. There is no actual relationship or boundaries. As you two have not defined yourselves as boyfriend/girlfriend, she is free to do what she chooses to do.

You can "bang" her next week if you choose to, just remember that you may be tied to her for the rest of your life should she become pregnant. There is no form of birth control that is 100% effective.

Ive decided I will go over and bang her next week.
Does this make me an isiot, should I have said you banged some guy last week I'm not banging you now.
I guess as you say she can do what she wants. I just fins that she has tried to convince me that she is a nice girl and not a lut but what she has done surely she doesn't think itts not slutty to sleep with 2 guys in 2 weeks.
She took 3 months to sleep with me and said she wanted to wait and then she's like this.
We were out the other night and she said there's no reason for her to take her walls down as ill probably stuff her over.
She told me today that we are doing well as she wants to sleep together again.

You sound like someone who merely reacts. You sound like you don't realize that you are half of the development of this relationship. Sure, she can do what she wants, but what she wants is hugely affected by what you think, feel, express, show, how you act... this could be something good! What if she slept with the other guy because she didn't get enough good emotion from you, after sleeping with you? Otherwise, why would she bother to tell you?
That's childishof her, but if you like her enough, you tell her how much you like her, and how much it crushed you, and how you hope she won't anymore.

Well, at least she was honest with you. She said she wasn't ready or a relationship and just wanted sex. If that's all you want, go ahead. However if you want an exclusive relationship with this girl, it's not going to happen.

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Originally Posted by Glen81

Ive decided I will go over and bang her next week.
Does this make me an isiot, should I have said you banged some guy last week I'm not banging you now.
I guess as you say she can do what she wants. I just fins that she has tried to convince me that she is a nice girl and not a lut but what she has done surely she doesn't think itts not slutty to sleep with 2 guys in 2 weeks.
She took 3 months to sleep with me and said she wanted to wait and then she's like this.
We were out the other night and she said there's no reason for her to take her walls down as ill probably stuff her over.
She told me today that we are doing well as she wants to sleep together again.

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So go and "bang" her. Your post makes one thing clear, you don't care about her, you just don't like that fact that she's not only "banging" you. You want control. You want to be the only one she's "banging". That's not love. Obviously you don't give a crap about this girl, you just want the sex. If you cared about her you wouldn't be talking about her as some girl you "bang".

You're calling her a slut? Look in the mirror. You're only in this for the sex. So that makes you a slut too. If you were a decent person you wouldn't be using her just to "bang" her. You have no right to judge anyone Mr. Slut.

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Originally Posted by joypulv

You sound like someone who merely reacts. You sound like you don't realize that you are half of the development of this relationship. Sure, she can do what she wants, but what she wants is hugely affected by what you think, feel, express, show, how you act... this could be something good! What if she slept with the other guy because she didn't get enough good emotion from you, after sleeping with you? Otherwise, why would she bother to tell you?
That's childishof her, but if you like her enough, you tell her how much you like her, and how much it crushed you, and how you hope she won't anymore.

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I think you might be right she did say to me well you seem to have girls hanging off you all over the place. She has told me I confuse her all the time.

So how about it? Tell her how you feel. Be brave. It takes real guts.

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Originally Posted by joypulv

So how about it? Tell her how you feel. Be brave. It takes real guts.

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I'm not sure that's the right way to go. She probably wouldn't believe it anyway she always thinks I just say stiff to get on her pants.

That's what dates are for. The kind that don't end in sex. It's called romance. You don't have to be phony to be tender and loving.

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Originally Posted by Glen81

I'm not sure that's the right way to go. She probably wouldn't believe it anyway she always thinks I just say stiff to get on her pants.

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Who can blame her for thinking that. All you care about is "banging" her. So why should she believe that you're in it for more than sex?

Bet that won't stop you from seeing her this weekend to get your kicks. Bet it won't stop you at all. If you really cared about this girl you wouldn't be calling her a slut, and you wouldn't be going to see her just to "bang" her.

The title of your question says it all. "We are just having sex". That's all it is to you. If it's more, you certainly aren't showing her that it is by your actions.

Actions speak louder than words. It's clear that you just want her to spread her legs for you. I doubt very much that you care more about her than just a girl you can bang whenever you want to. You're just ticked because there's competition.

Back away guy, get it clear in your own mind what you want and what you expect. The free and easy casual sex only confuses you. Stop doing it until you figure out what YOU want from this.

You have already gotten in her pants and can again. That's so obvious, so stop just getting in her pants, and see what's in her mind. But first know what's on YOUR mind.

Think on it, with the upper head, not the lower one. Otherwise just be another one just like the other ones. A good bang.

"Ive decided I will go over and bang her next week."

Who talks like that?

Think about it - you are pre-arranging your banging sessions with this girl. Your relationship is no more than a friends with benefit situation. It is what you and her created, it is what you and her have. The problem with friends with benefit situations is when one of the parties wants more than that.

She's free to sleep with whomever she wants because of the relationship you both established.

You sound pretty bad. You're going to go "bang" her just for the fun of it?
I think you are upset because yours was not so special that she didn't take another.
She was honest, she told you what she is about. You are not honest about what you are.
You call her a slut, so are you, You just lie about it.