Without getting into too many details, my boyfriend and I lived together for over a year (together a year and 7 months). Things were always up/down/up/etc. and many of the fights I was left standing there dumfounded... thinking wait, what? Eventually it got to be too much and I couldn't take how difficult he was and I finally decided to stand up for myself. Every time he disrespected me when we were or alone or in front of others, his kids, etc. I left and slept at my parents or a girl friends. Over some nonsense fight (can't even recall the situation)... he just started ignoring me. So I continued to try... but after being ignored and finding him on dating sites painting fake picture of himself, I said f*+^ it! Then, HE asked when I could get my stuff. So I picked a day and he said fine. When that day came, my family and I moved everything out. As I was leaving (angry and ready to just wash my hands completely), he threw me off by crying hysterically - to be honest, I was too. But now - trying work on it, yet again, if I'm not there every night... he takes it personal and wants to know why. But HE asked me to leave... not to mention I work an hour away from his house and my parents (where ALL my stuff currently is) live only minutes from my work. Why would he make me leave, then want me there at his house 24/7? Extra info - his work sched changes from days to nights on a weekly basis so some nights I'd be there alone.

He is the only one who knows why, and you are the second one most likely to know why.
Maybe he grew up in a home where fighting was daily routine, yet his parents never broke up? Who knows! At this stage, if you two can't sit down and communicate feelings and wishes and needs, and come to a solution for the future, then I think you should stay away until he is willing to work on it. You too. Pretend you are in a therapist's office, paying $150/hr for advice.

Why do you do whatever he wants? Being kicked out is one thing (if it's his place), but no one is making you go back.

I think it's natural to question any big decision- whether it's to marry, have a child, move in with someone, buy a car. But after the decision is made- for example, not to marry, have a child, not to move in with someone, not to buy a car, there is no turning back, most times.

Get a diary and add your thoughts daily, as to why it is not a good idea to go back to him, thinking things will be different. Had they been different, or had he gone to counseling, or wasn't doing the online thing with other women, etc. he would have changed, and things would not have resulted in you leaving.

That you feel you are recovered enough to think again about going back, does not mean he is any different. I repeat- he is still the same man, only he probably cries less and uses his computer more.

What exactly do you think you are going back to? Certainly not a better relationship. Not a better man.

Time to give yourself a little shake of reality here, and realize that over the entire length of the relationship, you were the one that most likely kept it going as long as it had. I doubt he had any insight into his explosive side, nor did he try to control it. It was you, trying to make things work. Lick your wounds and move on.

If getting kicked out once wasn't enough, then you better take time to think long and hard if you are up to taking a chance of getting kicked out again. What's the hurry to rush back into such a situation?

What's changed since with all this trying, and crying?

He wants you there, but not enough to fight for you to stay. He kicked you out. He wants you back because he doesn't want to be alone. It has nothing to do with love, it has everything to do with him, and how he feels. He just wants someone there for him, and you're the only one falling for it, so he guilt trips you into it, to get what he wants. He just wants a human body there for him, and you're the only human he has available to him right now.

That's my take on this.

Stay away from him for 3 months, 90 days, do NOT cheat, do NOT date anyone else, take 3 months out of your life alone, and tell him you expect him to do the same. Do NOT get angry, do NOT get upset, just tell him you both need space for 3 months. NO contact for 3 months whatsoever, and tell him you WILL contact him in 90 days.

If you feel the same way you do now after 90 days, then go back to him and stay... if not, then move on. It's that simple. That way you'll know if it was meant to be or just rubbish. It's important that you have no contact, and important that no matter which way you go after 90 days, you live with the decision (and whatever shortcomings go with it) permanently.

This is what I did, and it's the smartest thing I ever did in my entire life.