Ask Me Help Desk - I'm in love with a girl that is in a long distance relationship what do I do?

I'm in love with a girl that I have known for a year but I just realized I loved her in the past month. I have told her how I felt but she is dating some guy over the phone that she has never met in person. She thinks she is in love with him but I know I love her. She is all I think about. I am starting to fail my college class because all I can do is think about her and cry. She has Told me if I asked her out before she met the other guy she would have said yes and if they ever break up we could try going out. The worst part other than not being with her is that I made her mad at me and the only way to make it up was to apologize to her and the other guy and that got me right in the middle as both of there friends and I can't stand the other guy. I don't know if I have a chance with her but she is my only reason for being alive and the only reason I have not turned to drugs are suicide is I don't want her to Blame herself for my action. My family and friends tell me to patient if its meant to be it will happen but I'm tired of waiting and I can't live without her what should I do? Btw I live next door to her and the other guy Is almost a thousand miles away and won't even come visit her and they have only been together five months

Ghost you have to think about this long and hard and if you don't get it you are way too thick. This guy is hours away, and you are NEXT DOOR TO THE GIRL YOU LOVE. Now, after thinking about it, who do you think has the upper hand, the advantage?

You may love her, I have no doubt you do, but she doesn't love you like that. Plus she has another guy who she rather talk on the phone with than date you.

You might not understand it, but for sure can't change it. And if its affecting your life and school, its NO GOOD for you. Get control of yourself.

She considers herself to be in a relationship. This means she is currently unavailable. She would need to leave him and take time to heal before she would be ready for another relationship with you or anyone else.

If she left him to be with you because you wooed her away from him, it would only be a matter of time before you started questioning her loyalty to you. You would start questioning her about every male she communicated with because of fear that if you could talk her into leaving a male she claims to love someone could sweet talk her away from you.

If you cannot be her friend without wanting more, then you need to distance yourself from her until she is available again.

You need to take control of your thoughts and emotions. If they can cause this much chaos in your life then you are going to have issues whether she is yours or not. Focus on your work and put more energy into your social activities that do not include her. Live your life and give her time and space to live her own.

edited to add: Did something happen to change your feelings about her? Did you realize you love her because she isn't available?

Hi guys, think we are dealing with teen hormones here, on both side of the fence. This is a one sided immature relationship.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cat1864

She considers herself to be in a relationship. This means she is currently unavailable. She would need to leave him and take time to heal before she would be ready for another relationship with you or anyone else.

If she left him to be with you because you wooed her away from him, it would only be a matter of time before you started questioning her loyalty to you. You would start questioning her about every male she communicated with because of fear that if you could talk her into leaving a male she claims to love someone could sweet talk her away from you.

If you cannot be her friend without wanting more, then you need to distance yourself from her until she is available again.

You need to take control of your thoughts and emotions. If they can cause this much chaos in your life then you are going to have issues whether she is yours or not. Focus on your work and put more energy into your social activities that do not include her. Live your life and give her time and space to live her own.

edited to add: Did something happen to change your feelings about her? Did you realize you love her because she isn't available?

thanks for the advice but the thing is I always liked her but just realized I am in love with her we are good friends and she can tell me almost anything even though it was a little weird after I told her but were back to normal now and when ever I feel like crying are breaking down I will go home. If you see this reply I have another question for you. I was taking about it to my mother because she is older and has more experience than me. The girl I love was in an car crash a little over a year ago and her little brother and grandmother (who was like her mom) died and she was badly hurt but was the only one to live. My mother thinks because of this she is scared to fall in love and she fills safe with this other guy because she can't get hurt as bad when they break up. So do you think this is true? I am not going to give up on her no matter what because she is my reason for living but I do want your opinion on this even if it means I'm stuck as a friend for a long time.

You sound like a very young guy stuck on chasing someone that doesn't love you, and you think you can make her love you, as you love her. Doesn't work that way.

Those losses and any others in her past could very easily make her afraid of relationships especially ones with strong emotional attachments. Her trust in people staying in her life is probably close to non-existent.

It can also feel safer to say she is in a long distance relationship with someone that no one knows or expects to see. It can keep well-meaning friends from trying to set her up with a date when she isn't ready.

It is fairly common for people who are afraid to focus on a long distance relationship or to have a very strong crush on someone who is unavailable or doesn't share the same feelings.

Whether she is compensating for fear or she does have an emotional attachment to the LDR (long distance relationship,) she considers herself to be unavailable and that is what you are going to have to accept. It is something she has to work through on her own. He may be a crutch to give her some support while she learns to trust again. Someday, she won't need that crutch and it will be discarded.

I understand you have strong feelings for her, but don't wait around for her to let go of him. Have fun with other friends and hobbies. Encourage her to have fun with in-town friends and activities.

Be her friend if you can, but do not forget to take care of yourself.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cat1864

Those losses and any others in her past could very easily make her afraid of relationships especially ones with strong emotional attachments. Her trust in people staying in her life is probably close to non-existent.

It can also feel safer to say she is in a long distance relationship with someone that no one knows or expects to see. It can keep well-meaning friends from trying to set her up with a date when she isn't ready.

It is fairly common for people who are afraid to focus on a long distance relationship or to have a very strong crush on someone who is unavailable or doesn't share the same feelings.

Whether she is compensating for fear or she does have an emotional attachment to the LDR (long distance relationship,) she considers herself to be unavailable and that is what you are going to have to accept. It is something she has to work through on her own. He may be a crutch to give her some support while she learns to trust again. Someday, she won't need that crutch and it will be discarded.

I understand you have strong feelings for her, but don't wait around for her to let go of him. Have fun with other friends and hobbies. Encourage her to have fun with in-town friends and activities.

Be her friend if you can, but do not forget to take care of yourself.

Thanks and I am trying to get myself under control but the only time I'm happy I when I'm near her but that's not a problem because her cousin that lives with her has been my best friend for two years and her and him likes for me to come over. The only time it hurts is when I'm not around her are she is talking about the other guy the only thing I can do its wait for them to break up and possibly longer if she needs to get over him. I am inpatient but I can wait for her .Once again thanks for everything