Please help me, my boyfriend took all his stuff today and has moved out I'm feeling incredibly lonely sad depressed and like I'm not coping well with his decision. I begged him to stay but he had his mind made up and wasn't budging. He told me of this the day after I had an abortion which he also wanted me to have, but I loved him an done it because I love him despite my horrible sad feelings of doing such a horrible thing.

We had it tough and struggled a lot with money and other stresses but I didn't think he would just leave me. I thought he loved me because days earlier he was saying so. I don't know how to live without him. We were only together for 2 years but he was my world we always knew where each other was and he always checked I was OK. When I looked at him today I said are you sure this is what you want and he said yes. I don't know how he finds this so easy while I'm a absolute mess.

He is younger then me by 6 years and I also have 2 kids with my ex husband who I left about 3 years ago. But my boyfriend couldn't handle the stress of my 2 kids and he also does occasional drugs. I know I sound like I'm putting him down but he was my fairy tale. I love him so much.

Please help :(

Just keep busy doing what you have to do to take care of your kids (no need to hide your tears in front of them) and doing what you are doing here - talking with anyone and everyone, especially family and close friends. Did your kids get along with him or resent him? You can't blame yourself, either way. There's no right or wrong when someone changes their mind about love. Anyone, man or woman, but especially a woman with kids, needs to be able to stand alone at times and live with herself. That way you don't just fall for the next man who comes along, and go through another disaster. Take your time. Do you have a job or a skill that you can work on for getting a job, for a time when you don't have to stay home? (Sorry to bring this up when you are grieving, but it's something to think about as time goes by. We ALL get dumped sooner or later, most of us anyway, and there's no denying the pain.)

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Originally Posted by joypulv

Just keep busy doing what you have to do to take care of your kids (no need to hide your tears in front of them) and doing what you are doing here - talking with anyone and everyone, especially family and close friends. Did your kids get along with him or resent him? You can't blame yourself, either way. There's no right or wrong when someone changes their mind about love. Anyone, man or woman, but especially a woman with kids, needs to be able to stand alone at times and live with herself. That way you don't just fall for the next man who comes along, and go through another disaster. Take your time. Do you have a job or a skill that you can work on for getting a job, for a time when you don't have to stay home? (Sorry to bring this up when you are grieving, but it's something to think about as time goes by. We ALL get dumped sooner or later, most of us anyway, and there's no denying the pain.)

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I do have a job it's not much of a job but I'm a cleaner 5 nights a week

And my youngest didn't resent or like him he was mutual but my daughter who is 6 hated him and treated him so nasty nothing I was trying was working getting her to like him
I'm so sad and just can't stop thinking about him it hurts so much

Yes, it does hurt... it will hurt for a while, and nothing will change that. Tell people to drag you around and prop you in a corner and not try to cheer you up, but just be around...

Where's family? What are your plans for Thanksgiving? Christmas?
Have you ever made crafty things for holidays and sold them?
I did a lot of selling on eBay. You could sell at local holiday fairs.
Even selling used kid's clothes and so on, it takes time to take pictures and describe and learn how to ship. Kept me busy.

Oops! You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to joypulv again.

Sorry you have to go through this again and its very understandable your hurt after he left. Unless I misunderstand your kids, at least one of them is happy he is gone and in time so will you. But for now hug your kids and let them buoy you through this along with family and friends, so you can grieve properly.

Relaying his drug use isn't putting him down at all, just stating facts and even you can see with the past stress he was hardly a fairy tale love in the first place. Soon you will be free to find happiness with a better guy once the grieving is over and the healing begins.

Wish you the best.

I only have my sister and her partner they try to be there for me but It just feels like no one else can help :(
I wish I changed some of the issues we had so I didn't have to loose him, Christmas will be lonely my kids will be going with their dad they have a large family and Christmas parties so that will be the best for them, I also feel as though I'm not being there for them at the moment, I just feel to sad and anxious all the time now and just don't know what to do with myself I feel so lost and lonely
That's a good idea about eBay but I just can't even relax for a minute without him popping into my head and I'm scared because he doesn't even care or feel bad
I'm shattered

Grieving when things are fresh is perfectly understandable. So is crying.

>Cyber Hug<

Let's look at what you said...

"We had it tough and struggled a lot with money and other stresses"
&
"he also does occasional drugs"
&
"my daughter who is 6 hated him and treated him so nasty"

I get that you are struggling with the fact that you are no longer a couple, but from where I sit this change could be the best thing that ever happened to you and your kids. Obviously it takes two people to have a relationship and you need to come to terms that the relationship you had is no more. That is difficult I know. But there are things you can do to move on.

You need to keep your mind and body active. Right now you are focusing on this breakup and that is the worst thing you could do. When was the last time you went for a long brisk walk? Got some exercise? Took the kids to the park or Chucky Cheese? Keeping your mind and body active during this time will mean that you focus less and less on him. Trust me, it does work.

Control the things you can control and don't focus on what you can't control. You can't control how he feels about you or where he lives. Accept that. You can control how you react to this change. By focusing on positive thoughts, exercise, and your kids, you will be moving your life forward.

I've been there and I made it through because I forced and allowed myself to make it through. For the past many many years I don't allow others to control how I feel. Why give people that control. If you have to choice to have a good day or a bad day everyday, make it a good day everyday. Trust me, it does work.

I only have my sister...
I wish I changed some of the issues...
Christmas will be lonely...
Yes, you are full of regret. Understandable. And you feel like a burden on family and friends. FORCE yourself to accept the fact that that is what they are there for, because wouldn't you do the same for them?
Nov-Dec can be a double edged sword, with all the wonderful gatherings gone this year, BUT it's an opportunity to keep busy and to connect with family. DO IT NOW. And put together a nice Thanksgiving, and invite as many people as you can, all you do is the turkey, they each bring a dish. Start shopping and baking now and let the kids help. Even if you get tears in the pie crust.
Whenever the kids are with their dad, go to your sister's! That's an order.

"That's an order."

I like it and agree!

This may seem harsh. But you need to let go of the fairytale aspect of the romance and look at the reality.

Your 'fairytale' got you pregnant, encouraged (I have a feeling that he may have been a bit more demanding than encouraging) you to abort, then he tells you he is leaving/leaves the day after, he does drugs (how often is occasionally,) he couldn't handle the stress in your life and I bet the list goes on.

Looking at what little you have given of the timeline, if this man was a 'fairytale', then he was the bad guy pretending to be Prince Charming. He seems to have been ready to leave before the pregnancy/abortion. Once you let that sink in, it may help you strengthen your resolve to get through this.

Grieve for the relationship that was and might have been. Work through the emotions and memories as you pack them away. Look into counseling if you think this may be leading to Depression. But let this man who was more of a stranger than a prince walk away.

You have two small children so I know you are a lot stronger than you may feel like you are at this moment. Give yourself a chance to find that inner strength. When you find it, nurture it.

Virtual hugs for you and your children.