I'm 14 and in grade 9. For the last 4 years I've been extremely self-conscious about my appearance.I have a chest deformity called "Pectus Carinatum." I avoid taking my shirt off as well as physical activities because of this. I have a small group of friends at school, who are genuinely good people, but despite this I still feel very alone at school and at home. My graded are constantly slipping, and this only adds to the lack of self-esteem that I already have. I avoid socializing with anyone outside of my little group of friends, and I usually stay inside on my computer before and after school. I have spent a portion of my grade 8 and 9 year learning 3D modelling and Level design. I experimented with drugs about 3 times in the last 3 years. I thought maybe I could find something that would make me happy. But all that did was make me feel worse. I already went to a therapist, which didn't help much. Lately I've been thinking a lot about suicide.

FIRST
Do your parents realize that you are at higher risk for other medical heart and lung conditions? Do you wear a brace? They have good results. Please answer back and then we can talk about depression. If you have tried drugs, I have a feeling that your parents can afford the medical care.

Seriously if there's one thing that can help you on your situation for years I would have to be blunt in saying that there is no remedy but you yourself. YOU have got to make that choice of changing you life. I KNOW it's not that easy, in fact it's a long and painstaking process but just remember that whatever you do, you do it because you own your life. And most importantly, you should change the way you feel about yourself. Stop looking at a narrow world which is your appearance, breakaway and look at the better things around you. SUICIDE will NEVER SOLVE anything.


ruby fortune

Although I don't understand exactly how you feel emotionally, I understand your viewpoint on self appearance, but you shouldn't let that hold you down. You may have what you refer to as a deformity, but it's okay to be self aware. Helping yourself identify what you want versus what you have is tough, and it may make things seem bleak, but don't ever feel like you're not good enough because of how someone else might think of you. Suicide won't help you or your family or that group of friends you have, so if you really want not even help, maybe just some optimistic support, your loved ones, not the ones you think may love you, but the ones YOU care for are the ones you should talk to. If they mean enough for you to consider them beloved, you'd be amazed at what talking about what irks you with them could do for your own peace of mind.