My wife has a phone which I pay the bills and I went online to check calls being made (was a bit suspicious). For three months there are calls and texts going back and forth to him. Last week we were in the UK and there were over fifty texts and over six calls to him according to the mobile online report. I challenged her and she admitted that she just texts him and calls him as a friend. I was gutted. She was very depressed on holiday and when the holiday finished the next day she travelled to a city two hours away and said she was staying over night with girl friends. I told her to ring her friend on speaker phone and she says she will not as she will lose her friends as they will find it weird. I only asked her to say how much she enjoyed her visit so I can hear confirmation that she was there but no she won't do it. She's standing her ground very well and won't admit to physical contact with this man.

I have four beautiful kids, car, house. She says she loves me but I can't get past this bit. I need her to admit it before I can heal. How can we split up all that we have got, kids more importantly. My world is broken. Also twenty texts and calls every day for past three months on both sides (I must be really stupid). Only one text on the day my wife went away with the girls and no further texts all the next day. I think she was with him and that's why there was no texts. Why can't she admit it?

I'm heartbroken. Any advice how to get her to admit so I can move forward, should I let it go for the sake of my beautiful kids!

How was the marriage before the last three months? How well have you been communicating throughout your marriage? Would her description be close to yours?

How long have you been 'suspicious' and checking her phone records?

If she was with her girlfriends, do you want her to lie just to make you feel better? It wouldn't.

I do not see any way for her to openly talk with you. If she isn't cheating and he is just a friend, then there is nothing she can say that you will believe. You have your mind made up. If she has been 'cheating', she may fear how you will react. So, I am going to suggest marriage counseling as a safe way for both of you to be able to talk and to listen to each other.

I would be suspicious as well. Far too much texting and communication with another man, and who can blame you for thinking the worst.

Far too often, the 'guilty' party manages to turn a situation upside down, and leave the one questioning, feeling like he's the one with the problem for even thinking something might be going on outside the marriage.

You have concerns, and they need to be addressed. Letting it go, will not solve anything. Not facing the truth, will not solve anything either, whatever that truth may be.

She may be completely truthful about the texts, and the mysterious days away with her 'girlfriends'. It could very well be untruthful, and you are correct in your assumptions.

But, they are only assumptions. Now that the seed of doubt has been planted, it is time to get some concrete information. Before you find yourself questioning everything she does, and checking her phone records, and becoming jealous of her time, and imagining the worst, get into counseling.

You say in the beginning of your post that you were suspicious already, so there is more to this story, and has been going on longer than just this recent event. Counselling again will help you sort through your suspicions, and get the cards out on the table.

Do something positive about how you feel- counseling- instead of feeling that your marriage is on the line because she could possibly be cheating. To have serious doubts about your partner, and just let those doubts go without addressing them, will only lead to more doubts.

Going to counselling tomorrow.. just me... she keeps saying that she hasn't met him... hundreds of text messages all deleted on her phone? Gave her an ultimatum and said to ring her friends where she stayed and put them on speaker phone so I could hear .tell them that she had lost an earring and did they find it... she refused to do this saying here friends would think it weird.I said if she doesn't do this our marriage was over.I gave her six pm to six thirty .at six thirty I went out the door bringing my son to taekwondo and she just sat in the front room until that time.when I went to bed that night I couldn't sleep and got up and went for a four hour drive.not once did she text me to see if I was OK.the next day I went for a swim and when I got back she said sorry for picking her friends over me.she showed me a text from her friends asking her if she could could come out again soon .she said she would ring them and say about the earring and put them on speaker phone so I could hear .I think they were tipped off on what to say and they confirmed that she was there.I also asked for her iPhone and said I wanted to retrieve her deleted text messages.she refused.she tells me she wants to be with me by my side... don't know what to do

When faced with unusual disturbing information, I have always just stepped back from the problem for a while, dealt with just the stress and come back with fresh eyes and a calmer, cooler head. This has worked for me well over the years. Hell she went to visit friends, maybe YOU should take a holiday of your own.

The goal is to let the emotional dust settle and reevaluate your course of action. I highly suspect there is a lot more to this story as things just don't suddenly pop up and your suspicion takes over. There has to be something that feeds the suspicion unless it was shock at your discovery, and over reaction, or you didn't ask a few pertinent questions.

Like how they met, and why she kept such contacts secret from you. Or you have a history of over reacting and this is yet another example. I don't know, but from what you have written, this is but one incident that happened suddenly, and your initial emotional reaction with suspicion without proof may be working against your logic.

I trust but verify before I go off the deep end. I mean you pay the bills and have never noticed this contact for 3 months? How does that happen?

I don't know how I didn't notice for three months but she was allways secretive with her phone and I didn't want to seem nosey.I suppose the big thing for me is did they sleep together which she says she didn't even meet him. How come there are twenty texts and or calls every day and on the two days she goes away with her friends... none... not one.she also didn't even call me when she was away.she admitted that he send a pic of his penis and she sent a pic of her cleavage and abit of hot banter given by by wife as well over a lot of texts .when we came back from a weeks holiday she says she's going to her friends house and leaves the next morning with me minding the four kids.. she also sent him a text that morning very early before she left the house.my head is full of crap that they could have got up to.she still says she never met him but all the phone logs says she did.if she admitted maby I could move forward more clearly... but I have to think of my kids as well and at 45 where do I go! Everything I have worked for down the river.I read on a website that a mans instinct in usually right in about eight percent of suspected affairs.she says she will go to counselling with me if I want but I want the truth if she slept with him... I can work on the texts and calls because its possible we've grown apart with four kids as demanding as kids can be and I could maby work through counselling with it but if she slept with him then my trust is finished with her(as bad as it is now).I've had to big relationships when younger.. five years each one and both cheated on me... so feeling like crap now... need info! Need to know.

If you really wanted the truth you would go to counseling together. You don't, your mind is made up already. You missed a few months of texts they had, maybe you are missing something now, gut or not.