Ask Me Help Desk - How to meet women, if you're shy?

Hopefully this is the right section. But I've been doing online dating for a couple years now. So far, it has not proven many great results. Out of the years I've been doing it, I have only met with three women. Two ended up in a relationship but the most recent, the website actually did a pretty good job matching us up, as far as personality compatibility and the like goes. But we split. So I guess the whole chemistry science thing isn't a complete load of bull.

But, I'm talking to another girl but we don't click in the way I clicked with my ex. In fact, I'm thinking of ending communication as we do disagree quite frequently. And we are not on the same page for a lot of ethical issues such as the whole gay rights, abortion, etc, etc thing. But, one thing I did get from my ex girlfriend is how a relationship should feel like emotionally. I've learned if she's the one, you should have forgotten about your ex, the nagging on both sides is kept to a minimum, you agree more than you disagree, and you should just feel an overall sense of happiness, like you can take on the entire world. And I'm not getting that with this girl, I still think about my ex which I imagine is a red flag.

Anyway, getting back on subject, I have an account with pretty much ALL the free dating sites out there and I have not been able to
find the type of girl I'm looking for. Maybe my standards are too high? But I'd just like her to be a virgin, around 5'10 (5'8 is about as short as I'd go) or taller, preferably the same race as me but it isn't a requirement, a Christian, be into some of the things I'm into, and just something to tie us together (common interest or something we both have a passion for), I don't know. And obviously, I'd like to be attracted to her.. But I'm not finding that online. 90% of the women are extremely promiscuous and there is a shortage of tall women, although its like that in real life to a degree as well but I see more.

I'm just to shy to just walk up to a woman and say something. I get worried, I'll say something awkward, stutter too much, not make eye contact, etc, etc. I think if I could think of a place to meet them where the ice is already broken, I'd be okay. Any suggestions?

I just feel like I'm wasting too much time by just looking online. What if I meet her later than I was destined to and she makes the same mistake my ex did? I feel that past a certain age, while your dating pool shrinks, your chances of finding someone who
has waited for me do as well. And I know that is sort of silly but I do get nervous about that and I don't want to be 27 and finally meet her to find out that she gave up on waiting.

How about being more open regarding height?

In which country do you live? volunteer at a hospital or library or animal shelter or some such? Practice meeting and talking with people who also volunteer.

Yeah, I know that's likely reducing my dating pool by a large margin but I'm 6'2.
And both of my exes were about 5'9 or taller. Most couples I have seen are about the same height as well, and I've just found that the level of intimacy when you can look straight in the eyes of your mate while holding them is like so amazing.

I live in the US. And that's a good idea.
How exactly do I go about doing that?

Quote:

Originally Posted by XD005

I live in the US. And that's a good idea.
How exactly do I go about doing that?

My niece is 6' tall and joined a club for tall singles. She met a guy 7' tall and ended up marrying him. (They just had their first baby. I wonder how tall she will be someday.)

Is there a tall singles club in your area?

To volunteer, go to wherever you want to volunteer and ask about doing that. Or call first. Your public library's reference desk should have a list of agencies and institutions and sites that welcome volunteers -- Boys and Girls Club, Catholic Charities, churches, schools, the ones I named earlier, etc..

Hey shy guy, stop looking for love and get out and participate in activities you love that are good clean adult fun. Volunteer at something that helps people and make friends not conduct a wife interview.

Life brings people in and out of our lives so participate in a happy healthy life and you attract people who want to share it with you. Never met a shy person who was happy and comfortable with themselves and comfortable being around people. Icebreaker? Look them in the eye and say hello. Ice broken.

Are you virgin ? If no, how can you expert her to be. And tobe honest, depending on your age

It cuts out far more than 1/2. After that, 3 dates ? You do not decide marriage in chatting, you just arrage some dates, when I was dating from the web. I had one or two dates a week, and dated seveal till I narrowed to two, then one.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

Are you virgin ? If no, how can you expert her to be. And tobe honest, depending on your age

It cuts out far more than 1/2. After that, 3 dates ? You do not decide marriage in chatting, you just arrage some dates, when I was dating from the web. I had one or two dates a week, and dated seveal till I narrowed to two, then one.

Nope. I am a virgin. I hold people to the same standard I hold myself to.
It is a requirement that they be a virgin. I learned that the hard way. And why put someone through something that's going to make them bitterly unhappy? Your supposed to be happy in a relationship. Not go through it every day sad about the fact that she slept with another man.

But in response to what the other guy said, I'm trying to muster the courage to talk to a complete stranger. I find it easier if your in a club sort of environment or something though. You can just come up with an excuse like complimenting their shirt, or asking where they got that iPhone case or whatever. You know, small talk. What I noticed is that when I wear t-shirts with things I have a passion for on them, people will talk to me more often. So I guess maybe that's another way.

Oh gosh how old are you?
Stop wasting your life on dating sites and ridiculous demands.
Who cares how tall is she? You'll find it important just because you put it in your head. I thought I like tall brunettes, but then I met a girl and she's blond and pretty average height, I liked her and we're dating like for a year almost and I'm happy. So what she has blond hair? Same for height e.g. it's all OK to the point when it's ridiculously short. You'll get it once you fell in someone who don't fit into your formula.
If you want a virgin and Christian just go to the Church and seek for attractive ones. For me it's also a BS you want her to be a virgin, what's wrong if she's like 20 and already had someone she loved?
You'll be shy no matter how much thing you read, If you don't want to be shy go talk to strangers, gain social skills and get some confidence. You also may check up some awesome guys on youtube(like simplepickup) who try hard to show people like you that it's easy to meet new people. It gives motivation.
Really all you do now is seek problems for yourself.
Good luck

Talaniman Rule - Date them all, short, fat, skinny, or tall 18 to 80. Blind, cripple, or crazy.

Wish they had the Internet when I was young, single, and free. But I worry for you if you meet the perfect soul mate but she isn't a virgin. That will be a real bummer. So is looking for a virgin in a bar or club, but church activities are fun too, no matter what t-shirt you wear. You want high standards, you have to be where high standards(?) are.

You do know that being a virgin is never a guarantee to being a good date, partner, or life partner don't you?

I believe that you should not be too demanding with what you want. Try out different flavors. You never know... you may find the woman of your dreams... and she may be a shorty. ;-)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Enigma1999

I believe that you should not be too demanding with what you want. Try out different flavors. You never know... you may find the woman of your dreams... and she may be a shorty. ;-)

Yeah I have thought about that.
But it is definitely a must for her to be a virgin.
I tried dating two non-virgin women in the past, I was not able to get over it.
I lost one of them essentially for having emotions and being human. It'd be pretty stupid to make the same mistake a third time. So that is not negotiable so I'm thinking of maybe going a bit shorter on the height, but I don't want someone so short that when I hold her, I have to perpetually hold my neck down to look her in the eyes.

But I've been looking at a couple clubs I found online.
I was even able to find one for shy people. Lol, dunno how that would work but yeah.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

Talaniman Rule - Date them all, short, fat, skinny, or tall 18 to 80. Blind, cripple, or crazy.

Wish they had the Internet when I was young, single, and free. But I worry for you if you meet the perfect soul mate but she isn't a virgin. That will be a real bummer. So is looking for a virgin in a bar or club, but church activities are fun too, no matter what t-shirt you wear. You want high standards, you have to be where high standards(?) are.

You do know that being a virgin is never a guarantee to being a good date, partner, or life partner don't you?

Sorry for doubling posting. But yeah, that happened already.
My ex was perfect in every way except for her having a serious lack in compassion and understanding of other people's feelings and the lack of her virginity. Not only was she not a virgin but she wasn't sorry for it. Perhaps if she maybe had a better attitude, after a while, things MAY have sorted out. But I'm left with no choice but to move on and not make the same mistake again. That's all I can do. As far as height in a mate, there is always hills. XD

And essentially you guys are telling me that I have a moral obligation to give women that would make me bitterly unhappy a chance? That isn't fair to me nor her. Really when you think about it.

Your ex should not have to be sorry. Her past is her past. Perhaps you should let that go. You say your ex was almost perfect except that.. We'll my friend, you may have lost out on an amazing woman.

I don't believe you mentioned how old you are?

What you need my friend is a dating site just for virgins since that's your main concern. Tall virgins.

Wow you are back and we are back to the same conversation with the same issues. I am not investing my time this time because you don't listen.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Enigma1999

Your ex should not have to be sorry. Her past is her past. Perhaps you should let that go. You say your ex was almost perfect except that.. We'll my friend, you may have lost out on an amazing woman.

I don't believe you mentioned how old you are?

I'm 20. Regardless, you don't go and tell someone that your not sorry if they didn't even ask you in the first place. You don't go out of your way to tell them, yeah I did it with this guy 5 times, it was great. And before you ask, I don't regret it and I'm not sorry. I disagree, this guy didn't care about her, I would and could have given her so much more than that guy. And I don't mean to sound self-righteous, but I consider myself a pretty good catch as well. No person is without their flaws.

Secondly, you are missing what my point is. Its not that I'm so stuck up on just wanting a virgin because I feel like I'm better than everyone else. It is not like that at all. It actually makes me extremely depressed to know that my mate has been intimate with another person.

Anyway, perhaps I should get advice elsewhere because you people seem to have a problem understanding that people are different. Sure, a lack of virginity may not be a big deal for you guys but to me and many other people, it can make them quite sad. I don't see anything wrong with wanting to be happy in a relationship. For example, lets say that your partner had a child. Many people would not date a person who has a child. It isn't much different. You don't go around and tell people you should include people who have a child in your search. It simply less common.

But talaniman, that sounds like a good idea.