I have been with my husband for 13 years, married for 2. I have 2 kids from a previous marriage and we have one together 5 years old. My husband has had a lot of health problems over the past 2 years. There is a 17 year age gap between my husband and me. I told my husband I was not happy felt like he never notice me, in one year I could count on one hand how many times we made love. I should also say he is a truck driver so he is gone all week and I am at home with the 3 kids and work full time. I started talking to one of his friends and as time went on me and this friend had an affair one that is still in a way on-going. This friend is married as well with 2 kids. His wife found texts messages between me and him, she asked him about it and they are "working it out" however, she did not tell my husband about it for some time. Now that she has told my husband, my husband has not said anything to me about it. I no she told him because my husband confronted the other guy. I do not know what to do. I no I am not in love with my husband and he has said if I leave he will walk out of our daughters life. I feel trapped, confused as to why he has not said anything to me. He has told all of his friends and my family, but again no one is confronting me, if it was not for the other guy telling me I would have no idea he knows.

I don't know why he wouldn't have confronted you directly other than he likely knows you would find a way to blame your infidelity, on him. Many people who cheat on their partners come up with many excuses (like you did) to justify their actions, and to blame their partner for them.

It's too bad you didn't put the energy you had in lying and cheating, into something more productive- like work on your marriage.

His silence probably won't last forever. Maybe you can step up and tell him how badly you feel (without blaming him) for cheating, and risking your family and your marriage. Lives will be changed forever, and the three children you have will be yet another statistic of a broken marriage, and a broken home, because you couldn't find ways to solve the problems in your marriage- or at least try.

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Originally Posted by Jake2008

I don't know why he wouldn't have confronted you directly other than he likely knows you would find a way to blame your infidelity, on him. Many people who cheat on their partners come up with many excuses (like you did) to justify their actions, and to blame their partner for them.

It's too bad you didn't put the energy you had in lying and cheating, into something more productive- like work on your marriage.

His silence probably won't last forever. Maybe you can step up and tell him how badly you feel (without blaming him) for cheating, and risking your family and your marriage. Lives will be changed forever, and the three children you have will be yet another statistic of a broken marriage, and a broken home, because you couldn't find ways to solve the problems in your marriage- or at least try.

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I do not blame my husband for what I have/am doing. I no this is all me, he is doing everything right I just don't feel it. I feel like he is more of a brother then a husband. If I know how to love him the way I use to I would, but I have tried and tried I just can't get that feeling back. I don't want to hurt him or m kids, but yet I am not happy I don't know why I can't remember the last time I even had a laugh.

." I told my husband I was not happy felt like he never notice me, in one year I could count on one hand how many times we made love"... you also said, "he has health problems....."

That in itself was a statement leading up to justifying cheating. Had you not cheated, and said those words, you would have had an entirely different answer from me.

You had to have a reason to cheat, and that would be justification by your opinion that your husband didn't make you happy, didn't notice you, and wasn't as sexually active with you as you would have liked.

At least be honest about that much.

Marriage is hard work, and in your case a second marriage which brings two children, plus you decide to have a third with your current husband. Your children, and your husband and marriage, should be your ONLY priority. If you have difficulty in your marriage- you had choices, other than the arms of another man.

I'm not going to console you with the stress you are under wondering why your husband has not yet dealt with this issue. He is the victim here, and your children (not a great role model), and it sounds like his family who also trusted you- they are all the victims here, not you.

Maybe try to muster up the courage to speak to your husband about what you have done. To add insult to injury, you slept with his friend, and stabbed another woman (his friends wife) in the back. No doubt that caused a lot of heartache in that household, particularly if they have kids.