Ask Me Help Desk - Married but missing something!

I love my husband. But when I say that I mean I care about him and want happiness for him... but I am not satisfied being married to him. He has all the wonderful qualities that a husband should have... EXCEPT he is not affectionate and does not offer me the emotional support and intimacy that I so desperately need. Now I posted in the RELATIONSHIPS forum and I read somewhere on this website that you cannot post the same thing twice... so therefore I cannot go into other factors in this whole thing (you can go there and read it if you feel like reading a novel... it is titled "Why do I think someone else is my soulmate").

So anyway, I nearly left my husband a year ago. I told him how I was feeling... I have told him several times throughout our seven year marriage that I need MORE. That I need to feel more from him internally. The best way to describe my marriage to you is: I feel like I have this hardworking, good father, dependable "roommate" that I occasionally have sex with. Doesn't that seem wrong to you? We tried counseling, and I know he WANTS to be different. It just Isn't there! I can't explain it any other way. So I'm unhappy.

Whenever we go down that path of "I'm not happy and I think we should separate" he goes crazy (not necessarily violent) but he punched a wall once and started telling our children (we have two - ages 5 and 7) that "mommy doesnt love me anymore so daddy's going to have to leave". The kids start crying and it becomes a dysfunctional mess.

I know that we are not right for each other because we fight A LOT! I just don't know how to get out of this mess... What to do?

Welcome to the mαrried women's club:-) -- my husbαnd cαn αct α little cold too-- since you αlreαd "tαlked" αbout this with your hubby, I think it's best to go see α couple's councilor, pαstor αnd/or αttend couple's seminαrs. I'm doing the pαstor thing since I'm not α millionαre αnd cαn't reαlly be pαying for α shrink αnd diαpers for α newborn-- essh..

But good luck to you if you know you love him αnd he loves you -- it'll work out becαuse love will find α wαy.

Omgsh super long.. I'll just stick to whαt I sαid before. Essh

In all relationships too often we get lost in life, in jobs, in kids, and often forget what the other is also going though.

Every couple should be required every few years to go to various forms of marriage counseling, should be a law.

So you lost the spark, I bet over 1/2 of wives will say the same thing at some point , and the other 1/2 are just lying that they don't.

So in general the relationship has to be worked at, there has to be communication and understanding.

So go though and get marriage counseling.

Quote:

Originally Posted by irishgirl7561

I love my husband. But when I say that I mean I care about him and want happiness for him.....but I am not satisfied being married to him. He has all the wonderful qualities that a husband should have...EXCEPT he is not affectionate and does not offer me the emotional support and intimacy that I so desperately need. Now I posted in the RELATIONSHIPS forum and I read somewhere on this website that you cannot post the same thing twice....so therefore I cannot go into other factors in this whole thing (you can go there and read it if you feel like reading a novel... it is titled "Why do I think someone else is my soulmate").

So anyway, I nearly left my husband a year ago. I told him how I was feeling....I have told him several times throughout our seven year marriage that I need MORE. That I need to feel more from him internally. The best way to describe my marriage to you is: I feel like I have this hardworking, good father, dependable "roommate" that I occasionally have sex with. Doesn't that seem wrong to you? We tried counseling, and I know he WANTS to be different. It just ISNT there! I can't explain it any other way. So I'm unhappy.

Whenever we go down that path of "I'm not happy and I think we should separate" he goes crazy (not necessarily violent) but he punched a wall once and started telling our children (we have two - ages 5 and 7) that "mommy doesnt love me anymore so daddy's going to have to leave". The kids start crying and it becomes a dysfunctional mess.

I know that we are not right for eachother because we fight A LOT! I just dont know how to get out of this mess.... What to do??

A relationship needs work, hard work.
Nobody said it would be easy when you exchanged wedding vows...
And after seven year you realise: it's not.
Nothing is perfect.

Your husband wants to be different, according to you.. that in itself is a huge thing.
Maybe -when I read between the lines- is it not so much that your husband cannot give you what you need and want... but that you are not willing anymore to fight for your marriage...

It's about communication, patience, appreciating the things that a partnes does have and focus on that as opposed to only focusing on the things they do not have...

A counselor might be able to shine some light on your situation...
Ask yourself whether you still love your husband... do you still want to work on this marriage..

For better and for worse...

Good luck to you and your family !

Yep, similar thing happened to me, I was unhappy in marriage I felt that I need more than my husband, I wanted to be held in his arms, to be free to talk to him about whatever, I wanted him to be my best friend, I usually poured out my heart to him with hope that he might understand, I came to the point of realizing people will dissapoint you m a daily basis, I turned to my Creator and gave the situation to Him, He knows best how to deal with our problems, try Jesus you won't be sorry

Quote:

Originally Posted by Marily

Yep, similar thing happend to me, i was unhappy in marriage i felt that i need more than my husband, i wanted to be held in his arms, to be free to talk to him about whatever, i wanted him to be my best friend, i usually poured out my heart to him with hope that he might understand, i came to the point of realizing people will dissapoint you m a daily basis, i turned to my Creator and gave the situation to Him, He knows best how to deal with our problems, try Jesus you wont be sorry

What did you end up doing? Are you still with your husband?

Please read my answer to your other post... the advice I gave you is what I did. In the end, I still left my ex. But I knew I had done everything possible to work through our issues, and I couldn't force him to do the same. I know some of his issues were caused by my action or inaction, but I couldn't get him to work them out with me. In the end, I left knowing it was right. I think it's so important to make sure you have fought a good fight to save your marriage before you let it go. You may feel you have, and I am not judging you. I just know that if you don't try your hardest, the ghost of that dead marriage can follow you everywhere you go. You don't want to be looking in the mirror in two years asking if you made the wrong choice, asking yourself if you didn't try hard enough. My advice is make sure if you leave, you can do it with the knowledge that you made every effort to save your marriage first.