Ask Me Help Desk - My wife is violating her protection order

My wife has a restraining order against me that prevents me from no contact with her,which is fine,but it also prevents me contact with my 9year old son whom has voiced his feelings to her that he wants to stay with his dad.She continues to text and call and even drop our son off every Friday,which my son and I look forward to.She has even went as far as sending the cops to my home at nearly one in the morning claiming that I had just left here house.What can I do about this nonsense p.o. That is allowing her to do whatever she wants?

She took out a RO that prevents contact with your son, yet continues to let you have him once a week? You are in violation just letting her near your house. Regardless of how you feel about your son and how he feels about you, you need to convince her that she can't have it both ways, and she needs to get the RO modified. As for calls and texts, if they are part of no contact, then don't accept them, much less talk or text!

Why did she say you were at her house? You are saying she made that up out of thin air, or you were dropping your son off, or what? Your details are lacking.

And do you have a court ordered custody arrangement, or is this informal? It sounds from the RO that you need to go to court to get one.

Leave your son's wishes out of this for now. It's just fueling the flames.

What exactly does the RO say about contact concerning your son. It would be highly unusual for a RO not to have a childrens clause in it if there is ongoing custody.

Quote:

Originally Posted by joypulv

...You are in violation just letting her near your house. ....

Not so. OP cannot control where his son's mother goes. But he better stay away from her house.

If permitted by the terms of the order, he should arrange for a third party to pick up and drop off the child.

AK, you are right; I was thinking of him being at her house. But I have heard many stories of entrapment that succeeded in getting the restrained person arrested. She could even claim that he got her there on pretense of an emergency about their son. These can get vicious.

To further clarify things,my wife moved out first and since her new place,which is only four blocks away,did not even have a functioning bathroom and the fact that our son did not want to go with her I kept him here with me.She took out the r.o. And from that point on I was allowed no contact with her or my son,but he was living with me.I had proof that he has been with her on several nights and even out of town with her.Once we got to court for the p.o. She told lie after lie and although I had proof without a lawyer of all her lies she told the judge that she hasn't seen our son since the day she left and I 'took' him.From that point I am not allowed any contact with my son for 12 months.But yet she continues to call text and drop him off at my house or the police dept.Wherever I'm at so she can get rid of him.As far as me being at her house in the middle of the night,no I was not.I was in bed asleep when the police showed up.By the time I got to the door they were leaving,so I called them back to see what the problem was.At any point I'm expecting to get locked up just because she can get away with it.When she left we agreed that we would split the cost of the divorce,but in the meantime she figured out how to get everything she wants for free by 'claiming' abuse.that's where the p.o. Came into play at.I don't think it's all right that she can violate her own p.o. Anytime she feels like it.By the way we live in Phenix City Alabama.Also I HAVE NOT RESPONDED TO ANY TEXTS WHATSOEVER OR ANSWERED ANY OF HER PHONE CALL EXCEPT ONCE ON ACCIDENT WHEN SHE GOT A NEW NUMBER.All this has happened since Sept.27th.

Prez, this is still confusing. At least now we now that the RO is only a month old, and includes NC for a year. But why do the police let her drop your son off with them? And then what? Presumably they know he's not allowed around you? And although I understand why you want your son to be happy (with you, where he wants to be), why are you letting her call, text, and drop him at your house, which is merely getting you in a lot of trouble, if not yet, then it surely will in the next 11 months?

If I were you I would go back to Family Court and see if you can prove (with help from any police who know she's been dropping him off?) what has been going on, and let the court sort out the arrangement. I wish you had a lawyer.

I agree with Joy, you need to get an attorney, go back to Family court and show that she is ignoring the RO that she requested. Show that you son would prefer to be with you and that you can provide a better environment.

Quote:

Originally Posted by joypulv

Prez, this is still confusing. At least now we now that the RO is only a month old, and includes NC for a year. But why do the police let her drop your son off with them? And then what? Presumably they know he's not allowed around you? And although I understand why you want your son to be happy (with you, where he wants to be), why are you letting her call, text, and drop him at your house, which is merely getting you in a lot of trouble, if not yet, then it surely will in the next 11 months?

If I were you I would go back to Family Court and see if you can prove (with help from any police who know she's been dropping him off?) what has been going on, and let the court sort out the arrangement. I wish you had a lawyer.

I have police report after police report documenting her threatening to call the police if she sees my truck and of her dropping my son off and pictures of her at my house dropping some of his clothes off that she refused to give to him when she moved out.Everyone that knows us and the situation has told me what was going to happen next and so far they have been right.She has two other,older,children from a previous marriage that her oldest is abusive to my son.I don't want to lose my son to foster care due to her being vengeful vindictive and manipulative.I will fight for my sons,I have two from a previous relationship as well,and she knows it.

So fight for your son. Get an attorney and do it right. Ask the court to appoint a guardian ad liteum who can look after your son's rights. Who can testify to the court about the abuse and her violations.

The main problem here is you need to get the court to listen to you. And you need help in doing that.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ScottGem

I agree with Joy, you need to get an attorney, go back to Family court and show that she is ignoring the RO that she requested. Show that you son would prefer to be with you and that you can provide a better environment.

She has taken all of my cash and let the bills get behind,because I was too busy working two jobs to handle EVERYTHING on my own and has made it difficult for me to hire a lawyer.She has done this same thing in the past and sought refuge in a battered women's shelter 5 years ago.To which all I was able to do was get parental rights established and three months after she was out of the shelter and being evicted from her low income housing she was back at my house which I have lived in for over 8 years and was just recently awarded in a settlement with the mortgage company.But still the only thing I'm concerned with is my son and how she is able to get away with violating her own protection order.What to do?

Quote:

Originally Posted by joypulv

She took out a RO that prevents contact with your son, yet continues to let you have him once a week? You are in violation just letting her near your house. Regardless of how you feel about your son and how he feels about you, you need to convince her that she can't have it both ways, and she needs to get the RO modified. As for calls and texts, if they are part of no contact, then don't accept them, much less talk or text!

Why did she say you were at her house? You are saying she made that up out of thin air, or you were dropping your son off, or what? Your details are lacking.

And do you have a court ordered custody arrangement, or is this informal? It sounds from the RO that you need to go to court to get one.

Leave your son's wishes out of this for now. It's just fueling the flames.

There is no court ordered visitation.I'm forbidden from any contact whatsoever.She knows the relationship I have with my three sons and she is capitalizing on that.I was not at her house at all at nearly one in the morning.Yes she did make it up out of thin air.I understand I'm in violation but I'm not allowing her near my house.She drops him off and keeps going,I call the police and file a report.

She does this knowing full well the help she can get by crying abuse.There has never been an incident in the past where the police were called to my home for anything domestic.So far she has been getting the church to pay her old past due bills for utilities at her new house,in the amount of $1100,the church has been paying her rent in the amount of $375 each month.She gets child support in the amount of $588 for the other two she has plus back child support in the amount of $588 each month because she lied to her ex saying she took him off cs but never closed the case even though he was still paying her cash each month.Plus she is a pharmacy tech making $14 an hour at Walgreens.And also has legal aid walking her through what she needs to do next,which I am totally in the dark on.

Phew.
Get a RO against her. She can't have it both ways if she wants you to constantly violate the one she has against you. (Yes, I know you want to see your son, but this is calling her bluff.)

You really should go to Family Court yourself and apply for review, given how much she breaks the RO/
And who takes care of all the kids when she's at work?