Help... Please help me my three year old son hit me bite me for no reason. If his father interfears he beats him too. We stay patient, explain him its wrong but he doesn't understand. At ladt we looee our temper. Can't heop it out.
My son is under speech therapy, delayed in speech can be yhe reason? I'm so worried about him.. Please help me..

'Explaining' needs to be very short at age 3.
'Ouch that hurts! You can't do that to people' might mean more to him right now than the concept of wrong.

Do you give him 'time outs?' He has to sit on a little chair or on the floor and not leave that spot for X amount of time. There are time out clocks that change a face on them when the time is up.
He may have deeper problems than just delayed speech, if his acting out gets too violent. He needs to be tested for a whole spectrum of possible disorders.
Of course there may be nothing wrong with him, and his delayed speech might fall under normal conditions. Do you speak more than one language in the home?

I agree with joy. He needs to be testing for a whole spectrum of possibilities. The first one I am thinking of, because of the acting out and speech delay, is autism.

Long explanations don't work for a three year old. Gently grab his hand when he hits and say "No! That hurts!" If I remember, age = minutes for time out.

Hi joypulv

Thank you for replying. I have not tried time outs with him. But my husband did. All he does is he crys and run to me the moment he is released. But soon say 30 min later he starts all over again.

We had his checkups like hearing test which came to be normal. Secoundly due to his speech delay doc were monitoring him for boarderline autisum, but thrre too he came clear. Now they have started with his speech therapy.

Yes we do speak more than one language at home. Earlirr he used to listen when ee said no biting or beating, he did get distracted easily. But now in this week he is repeating it so frequently that I am losing all my strength. Today he has started scratching. My husband beat him today and I felt so helpless..

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Originally Posted by vyan

My husband beat him today and I felt so helpless..

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That is very bad and will teach your son to hit harder and to be even more "mean."

Do you and your husband play with him -- build towers with blocks, push little cars and trucks around, play outside on swings and other child equipment, go for long walks and talk about what you see?

Hey wondegirl
Thank you so much for being straight forward. As I wrote earlier he has cleared his assessment and doc came to the conclusion that his case is of speech delay.

But just for my info is it true that autistic kids get violent?

My son has started saying few words, he follows all the given instructions, points outs,etc a

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

That is very bad and will teach your son to hit harder and to be even more "mean."

Do you and your husband play with him -- build towers with blocks, push little cars and trucks around, play outside on swings and other child equipment, go for long walks and talk about what you see?

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I agree to it wondergirl, today I told my hubby the same thing. He too regrett it. But the situation was so bad that time my son was not stopping, neither was eeady to listen. He just beat both of us for no reason. And today its first time my hubby loose his temper..

Yup we do all of it.. we give him lots of our time.

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Originally Posted by vyan

Yup we do all of it.. we give him lots of our time.

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Have you figured out if there are certain things you and your husband do that cause your son to hit you? Like when you say no? Or does he do it any time?

Most autistic kids do not get violent. They may get upset - with reason.
He may have too much stimulus - noises and touches and sights and movements are exaggerated, like being in a wild rock concert, too much of everything.
The time outs should continue, regardless of crying.
He needs to socialize with a few other children and parents present, and removed if he hits or bites.
I have a niece who bit me at that age+, and her mother was worried about her handling kindergarten a year later. She was fine.
Each situation/child is different, however.
All we can do is make guesses and suggestions.

Has he ever been told not to speak your native language? Are you teaching him both it and English? Do you talk in front of him in one language, expecting that he doesn't know what you are saying? (Not suggesting that you are, just looking for anything.)

Hitting is a learned behavior. It's either learned at home, in daycare, playschool, kindergarten, etc.

It sounds like he's learning this behavior at home.

As an adult your husband has to learn that hitting is not okay, even when you're frustrated. How can you expect a 3 year old to control his anger and hitting, when a grown man can't?

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Originally Posted by Alty

Hitting is a learned behavior. It's either learned at home, in daycare, playschool, kindergarten, etc.

It sounds like he's learning this behavior at home.

As an adult your husband has to learn that hitting is not okay, even when you're frustrated. How can you expect a 3 year old to control his anger and hitting, when a grown man can't?

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Alty let me clear u first my hubby till ydy never hit him. And me as a mother never hit him so far. So he cnt learn it at home. So definitely he has not learnt it home. Secoundly he himself started it just this week and that too for no reason. While playing he will just get up and throw toys at our face. if We tell him no he starts beating. So please don't take my hubby wrong.

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Have you figured out if there are certain things you and your husband do that cause your son to hit you? Like when you say no? Or does he do it any time?

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Mostly he does it anytime and just gaze at our face for reactions.. smtimes while playing he will through toy on your face. He gets annoyed to hear no and don't do. While sleeping he will just bite me up. I cnt figure it out y he is doing it. is it to get our attention or smthing else... I hv no idea..

If he doesn't have a brain disorder, he is testing his newly found power*, and you need to assume for now that he is just a normal 3 year old. It is common for children to throw things at a parent or sibling, and you as parents need to react calmly yet authoritatively by taking him out of the scene. Some behavior can be changed with distraction to something else. But when he bites and hits and throws, say no, put him in a time out, and leave the room, or leave the room where he is, if that is convenient. Don't show confusion or anxiety about it, and don't explain right and wrong yet. I have a feeling that he senses your uncertainty about how to act. You are the parents and you run the show. You can show it without hitting. Take his arm, take him to a little chair, tell him he's in time out for 3 minutes, and time every second. The clock is your parental power. Say it firmly and MEAN it, but try to keep anger out of it.

When he cries and runs to you after the time out, this is when you use distraction, again in a calm way. Ignore the tears but suggest a pleasant activity - without anxiety. "Can you build a tower with your blocks that is taller than you are?" His attention span at that age is very short and tears can stop on a dime. But if he senses that you are anxious about his tears, he will continue to cry.

*By power I mean he is starting to realize that he is a person apart from you, that if he does something, you will react to it. This is a monumental realization for a toddler, who until now was an extension of you, reacting to what you did only. The first time he throws something at your face, he has no clue it's going to hurt or even what it means. So it's important to teach 'no' without turning it into something that he wants to keep testing. If you take it personally and in fear, he will pick up on that. 'He's just a child' doesn't mean he gets to repeat that behavior, but it also means understanding that you have no reason to see it as malicious.

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Originally Posted by joypulv

If he doesn't have a brain disorder, he is testing his newly found power*, and you need to assume for now that he is just a normal 3 year old. It is common for children to throw things at a pareㄷnt or sibling, and you as parents need to react calmly yet authoritatively by taking him out of the scene. Some behavior can be changed with distraction to something else. But when he bites and hits and throws, say no, put him in a time out, and leave the room, or leave the room where he is, if that is convenient. Don't show confusion or anxiety about it, and don't explain right and wrong yet. I have a feeling that he senses your uncertainty about how to act. You are the parents and you run the show. You can show it without hitting. Take his arm, take him to a little chair, tell him he's in time out for 3 minutes, and time every second. The clock is your parental power. Say it firmly and MEAN it, but try to keep anger out of it.

When he cries and runs to you after the time out, this is when you use distraction, again in a calm way. Ignore the tears but suggest a pleasant activity - without anxiety. "Can you build a tower with your blocks that is taller than you are?" His attention span at that age is very short and tears can stop on a dime. But if he senses that you are anxious about his tears, he will continue to cry.

*By power I mean he is starting to realize that he is a person apart from you, that if he does something, you will react to it. This is a monumental realization for a toddler, who until now was an extension of you, reacting to what you did only. The first time he throws something at your face, he has no clue it's going to hurt or even what it means. So it's important to teach 'no' without turning it into something that he wants to keep testing. If you take it personally and in fear, he will pick up on that. 'He's just a child' doesn't mean he gets to repeat that behavior, but it also means understanding that you have no reason to see it as malicious.

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Thank you so much. I tried it out todayand he was fine. Thank you..