Hi I've currently been split up from my ex girlfriend for a month. We were together for 5 months. She's pregnant with my child 15 weeks along. She is keeping the child and we split up due to her suddenly becoming very abusive and violent toward me. We have had contact in the weeks since as I like to help her with bills and went to her 15 week check-up, but I now find that she is dating a lad for the last week and only been talking for two weeks.

I feel so hurt that she can move on so easy and not even give me a chance to try again. The lad is what from the looks of it is a chav and a druggy. I'm very angry toward her as she used to be a drug taker and I am scared she will take drugs and hurt my child or worse he will hurt her. I really want to get her back and she says she still loves me. I've told her that I will help if she ever needs anything or any help but that I don't trust her new boyfriend even one bit. I told her how much I hurt, miss her, and love her, but she did not seem to react. I want her back as she seems to not be violent toward me anymore but because I would love a family with her as I have very strong feelings for her.

Today is our 6 month anniversary. Am I OK to text her saying thinking of you and is her and the baby. OK I don't want to push her away but I really want to hurt this new lad as I don't know what he thinks he's doing, or for that matter what she thinks she is doing. Does anyone have any advice for me? It hurts so much not knowing what she's doing, or whether her and my baby are safe. I'm just all tears and it hurts so much :(

Being responsible for your actions is one thing, but for now forget the family and further romance notions. Part of handling your business responsibly, is a paternity test when the child is born.

Trust but verify. Its a HUMUNGUOUS red flag when you get dumped and replaced in a very new relationship when its a pregnancy involved, and a history of violence and abuse.

I commend you wanting to do the right thing, and you have every right to keep in touch through this, but be very very cautious and careful with this female. Love is one thing, one sided at that, and no substitute for good common sense and SELF protection.

Like you say, you DON'T know what she thinks she is doing.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Being responsible for your actions is one thing, but for now forget the family and further romance notions. Part of handling your business responsibly, is a paternity test when the child is born.

Trust but verify. Its a HUMUNGUOUS red flag when you get dumped and replaced in a very new relationship when its a pregnancy involved, and a history of violence and abuse.

I commend you wanting to do the right thing, and you have every right to keep in touch through this, but be very very cautious and careful with this female.

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The baby is pretty much 100% mine the date conceived we were so loved up we were together constantly and most people have said she's trying to make me jelious and wind me up but I don't know and why be very cautious and careful with her? she says she loves the fact that the baby is mine and with what she says sometimes it seems likes she wants me back but I do see your point but aren't her hormones all-over the place and I know she was feeling down and lonely when we split.

How old are you both? Making you jealous is a high school game, and not appropriate or mature for a life changing event. Violence and abuse are red flags of who you are dealing with, and love without actions is just a word to describe the lust that always happens in the beginning.

By your own admission, you don't know. Facts is you are dumped and replaced, shocked and hurt. All in a matter of a month? Kind of fast and sudden.

How old are you both?

I'm 25 she is 20 way I see it if she didn't want anything to do with me she wouldn't of kept my baby right ? And wouldn't let me be at scans but I know words without actions are just words.

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Originally Posted by lee_225

I'm 25 she is 20 way I see it if she didn't want anything to do with me she wouldn't of kept my baby right ? And wouldn't let me be at scans but I know words without actions are just words.

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Look around guy. The world is full of baby daddy's, and baby mama's. Likely that's where you two are headed, but with separate lives connected by a child you created together.

Keep it real. For sure be a good dad, but a husband to this female? Far off in the future is my take on this. Her head just ain't where yours is. She is rebounding hard with the other guy.

I do see your point and I will be there for my child and if needs be I will take custody if she continues to hang with undesirables e.g. Druggys that I am prepared to do but what do you mean by rebounding hard ?

That's what you call dumping one romantic partner for another one in a very short period. Rebounding. Lots of confused feelings and emotional baggage to unpack, without a healing period to get feelings under control.

I suppose its just me being stupid but of all the girls in life she's the only one I've ever fell for or felt like this about and the first time I've ever had a baby involved just puzzles me how she could just do what she has and not really put the baby first as I will put it first no matter what.

Her head ain't where yours is. She is 20, faced with a life changing event. 5 months of love/lust isn't enough to KNOW a person either. Much much more will be revealed, I guarantee.

Eyes open wide, pay attention. Engage the brain, and tell the heart to shut up for a while. Does she live on her own? Support herself? Do you?

We were living together as it made it easier she lives on her own now I live back with my parents I work where she is between jobs the druggy she's with doesn't work so she asks if I can help with little things so far has been 50 a month but I've stopped that and said I will only buy baby items closer to baby being born just so much I don't get he lives miles away can't drive £105 train to come see her from where he lives surely he can't keep that up with no job so many questions with no answers but she won't be able to afford anything next month without me helping so I don't know I don't want to let her go without e.g. Food gas elec as I don't know...

Exactly my point, so many questions with no answers. But she knew she was living on her own, between jobs, but dumps the working soon to be baby daddy and takes up with the non working druggy (pusher? ).

That's telling but you seem to be thinking logically through your confusion, and just need to control your emotions and see clearly your reality, because she damn sure ain't making as good a decision as YOU are. I go back to being dumped and replaced.

I don't care what she is up to, just handle your own business in a thoughtful pragmatic way. I cannot say why I have faith that you will, but I do. Many things you don't know will challenge you, do the right thing, and have no regrets. Keeping your financial decision confined tobaby stuff was a good move. The rest she deals with. Let her.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Exactly my point, so many questions with no answers. But she knew she was living on her own, between jobs, but dumps the working soon to be baby daddy and takes up with the non working druggy (pusher? ).

That's telling but you seem to be thinking logically through your confusion, and just need to control your emotions and see clearly your reality, because she damn sure ain't making as good a decision as YOU are. I go back to being dumped and replaced.

I don't care what she is up to, just handle your own business in a thoughtful pragmatic way. I cannot say why I have faith that you will, but I do. Many things you don't know will challenge you, do the right thing, and have no regrets. Keeping your financial decision confined tobaby stuff was a good move. The rest she deals with. Let her.

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I'm trying to think logically but seem to just keep thinking about her safety and my baby's all the time and it is really getting me down I'm just worried about what can happen up until baby comes the only thing I have told her I will pay is her phone bill for if a true emergency comes up and she's needs to contact me but it’s a flat contract at £12 so not too fussed gives me ease knowing she can contact her family or me if any help is needed but its just so scarey atm I mean I know the baby is strong atm as I went to heartbeat checkup and its like a train :)

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Wow! Good advice all around talaniman. I have nothing to add. Sopt on.

After two months of dating her, she gets pregnant, and the two of you were living together. What a mess. Now a baby is being brought into the world to a mother who sounds like she is at risk of slipping into old drug habits.

You did not know her after five months. Not even enough to trust her with your car keys, yet you allowed yourself to blindly go along, thinking she was 'the one'. You were not thinking clearly enough to realize that the relationship may not go anywhere, and things moved far too fast.

Now you are tied to her, and the baby, for at least the next couple of decades.

I'm not going to beat you up, but I really get tired of hearing of pregnancies that didn't have to happen to a new couple, neither of whom sounds responsible enough to survive without a lot of help, as it is with you.

I would not advise you to consider her a good partner, for all the reasons you have said. She has clearly moved on.

Make a good life for yourself so you can support this baby. Be prepared for a lot of hardship and even more expense. Get a child support order in place, and a visitation schedule. Be prepared for battle, because a 20 year old with a new boyfriend isn't likely going to want you in her life regardless.

You may be the most important person in this baby's life. Provide a stable environment as you can, and always put that baby's needs first.

I would stop with all the 'love' stuff with the mother of your child. Keep the peace and be cordial and polite, because that will make what lies ahead a little easier. Keep out of her business- i.e. New boyfriend- because that will only alienate you from her, and from your child.

I'm really sorry you are in this emotional vortex. All you can do is realize what you can and should do, and what you can't and shouldn't do.

Good luck to you.