Ask Me Help Desk - My kids need their mom.

[F]A little over a year ago, I was involved in an abusive relationship. My ex husband took me to court and got primary custody of our kids because of that man. I have since put him in jail, gotten a restraining order on him, and moved to Pennsylvania. I am engaged to a wonder ful man that my kids really like. I pay my child support, I provide insurance as ordered, and I even provide dental and life insurance that I am not required to do. I speak with them at least 3-4 times a week, if my job hours permit me to. (I am a registered nurse) I am involved as much as I can be, considering that I am 1400 miles away. I am a very good mom that just got sucked into a bad situation.

Their dad is not a bad father. He does, however, leave them alone a lot at home while he works. They are 10 and 6yrs. He is a cowboy and goes to check cattle on horseback and is miles away from the house (that is 21miles from the closest town) and is usually in a pasture that has no cellular signal. So if something happens, they have to go to the nearest neighbor that is 5 miles away. Secondly, mostly anytime that I call, they are at the neighbors house (in the evening and through the night.) so that he can "go to town". He has even picked them up from the school bus drunk, and the bus driver (which is a friend of mine) wouldn't let him have them.

There is so much of that junk going on, I don't even have the time to explain. I just want to know what I need to do to get them back. My daughter doesn't need to be with him during puberty. I truly believe that the kids should be with their mom. Even if I have to move back to Texas. We are willing to do that. But the kids love it up here.

Any advice?
Natalie

I think the first thing to do is move back to Texas. You can always move back to PA.

Personally I would move back local to ensure that the children were safe, I would then proceed with court for full custody.

I am confused. You say this man is not a bad father but then you say he leaves them alone a lot while he works with the closest neighbour 5 miles away. You also say he leaves them with a neighbour most evenings and nights so he can go to town, and that he has picked them up from the school bus drunk. That doesn't sound like someone I would describe as: "... not a bad father..."

If he is leaving a 10 and 6 year old alone where the closest neighbour is 5 miles away then he should be reported. If he picks children up at a bus stop drunk he should be reported. If he is doing those things he is not a good father.

If he is indeed a good father, then you should be able to talk to him about your concerns. Either way, you need to determine what would honestly be best for the kids - to leave them where they are or to go through a custody battle. Then, if it's the latter, get a good lawyer to advise you.

I personally think that if you were with an abusive man, were taken to court by your ex and lost custody, got a restraining order against abuser, put him in jail and moved (congratulations for your strength, by the way!), then you met another man whom you are now engaged to and all this has happened in a little over a year... I really don't think you would be able to convince a judge that you are mature or stable enough to get the kids back at this time. That is an awfully short period to dump someone, move and meet someone else. I honestly think a judge would be quite wary of your situation.

No matter what, you need to put the kid's needs first. If you need to move back to Texas to do so, then you should. At least the kids might be able to be with you when daddy is working or going to town.

Good luck!

Didi

I don't believe for a second that all kids should be with their mom. That is an excuse bad moms use when trying to make up later for their mistakes. If you truly love your kids then move back to Texas and try and become a part of their life instead of trying to move them 1800 miles away.

Quote:

Originally Posted by derek1972

I dont believe for a second that all kids should be with thier mom. That is an excuse bad moms use when trying to make up later for thier mistakes. If you truly love your kids then move back to Texas and try and become a part of thier life instead of trying to move them 1800 miles away.

Very well said,Derek,VERY WELL!!