Ask Me Help Desk - Sometimes I just don't want this anymore

Ok so I am going to try and make this as short as possible...

I have been with my girlfriend for going 4yrs and in between the years we have broke up like 3 times. Well this last time we got back together we have stayed together for a full 2 years no breaks. My problem is there is so much resentment built up in me over so much. Like the fact that's she told me she wanted a break and wasn't in love with me a few years back. And the fact that she totally ignored me for about 6months because she was wrapped up in her family and work all the time. In those 6 months I tried to break up with her so many times but she would cry and beg me to stay. Then I met someone else and almost left I told her and everything and I kind of regret not leaving now even if the other relationship didn't work. I love my girlfriend so much and she does do a lot to make me happy but I'm tired of feeling like this. I'm a happy go lucky laugh at everything want to live life to its fullest and she's just meh. Her job is physically tiring and she's always sick or hurting. I try and understand that I do but it weighs me down at the same time. I want to do things if its not something as simple as laying on the trampoline at night star gazing and talking. All she wants to do is lay in the bed watching movies or on the couch. I love her I do but I don't think I want to be with her anymore. When I tell her that very calm, nice, and adult like even try to talk about living arrangements and financial and trying to stay civil in each others lives she doesn't want to hear it. What can I do I don't want to lose her out of my life even if it means we aren't a couple any longer.

I let go of the new one and I'm talking about the original girlfriend. We fight get over fight again. We're different people I like to go and do and do things in general and she doesn't She's a home body

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Originally Posted by User80

I let go of the new one and I'm talkin about the original gf. We fight get over fight again. We're different people I like to go and do and do things in general and she doesn't Shes a home body

Maybe you should break it off , if you want to explore more what's the point in playing with her fealings , if you are not happy there's no point in staying , sometimes you have to think of yourself. Sit down and tell her how you feel you might be able to sort things out but if that fails then just break it off and see what you really want , you might just be staying together with this girl cause its what you are used to

You are basically different in your likes and dislikes, but you aren't bound to each other with children and houses and all that goes with adjusting to being different. Advice on how to handle it really depends on your responsibility to the relationship, and you don't seem to have any. So move on, and try to stay friends. You are acting wimpy if you bring it up and she 'doesn't want to hear it.' If you are going, you go, you don't ask for permission, and fighting isn't a requirement. 3 break ups in 4 years is not a good track record, so you'd better mean it this time, or you will be living in this kind of limbo for life. It's a huge jolt sometimes to break up with someone you love and can't work out differences - with compromise on both sides.

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I love her I do but I don't think I want to be with her anymore.

I don't want to lose her out of my life even if it means we aren't a couple any longer.

It sounds like it's time to move on. Just because you've been together for four years without a break doesn't mean this has to go on forever.

Yea but the thing is we do work it out and I do love her and that's the really hard part. The only thing I hate is that we're different which is not totally bad I just don't want to keep fighting and fussing.

What does the word, 'commitment' mean to you? What does 'love' mean to you? What does putting the other's needs before your own mean to you?

You cheated, right?

During all these breakups, and make ups, what progress did you make in figuring out what kept going wrong, over and over again. Did you suggest counseling, or did you both agree to change, or try to change? What changes, if that's true, did both of you try?

What are the fights about anyway. You want more 'life' in your relationship, and she's too tired? What kind of work does she do that she needs her down time. Are there children involved here? Do you work?

When is the last time you made a special arrangement to get a sitter (if you have children together), and go away for the weekend- even to the other side of town.

I can't see where you've said you've tried to work things out seriously, or how you tried to do that, or what has prevented change. Is it you want her to change more than you are willing to change yourself? It seems your needs only exclude hers- why is that.

Relationships are hard work. VERY hard work. One thing for sure is, if you have already crossed the line to cheating, you aren't serious about your own relationship, or you never would have- and then imply that you regret not staying with 'the other one'.

I don't think you paint a very honest picture of her faults, or your faults. And nothing I've read so far, indicates that you seriously want to work on both your faults, to keep the relationship healthy and strong.

As far as I'm concerned you don't cheat on someone you love, and you saying in your last post, 'yea but the thing is we do work it out' which shows how little insight you have into just how relationships work.

So, maybe if you don't have what it takes to make a relationship work, you should bail. Seems to me you're setting yourself up to do it anyway.

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What can I do I don't want to lose her out of my life even if it means we aren't a couple any longer.

You can't have it both ways guy, so make a decision and follow through and stop trying to change her to your liking. She is who she is and if your not happy leave and let her do her thing by herself.

Then those resentments won't fester.

I ask for advice not to be attacked! She was distancing herself when I cheated because she was in her own world due to prescription medication abuse. I met someone who filled that void and I told her about the other person. I soon realized as did she that we wanted to continue to fight at keeping our relationship. We love each other and take care if each other and I see I need to stop thinking about a life without her. No we don't gave children we're lesbians and perhaps I should have mentioned that to start with. We as women are emotional creatures and so that being said we feed off each others emotions. If one is misread ohhhhh myyyyy oh my we tend to fuss. We have had a heart to heart and agreed to communicate more and not assume anything.

Now hey.. Please don't lump all of us into a vast group that 'feeds off each others emotions.'
If that's how you two are, fine.
The good thing about all kinds of advice is that you can read it and pick what you like, usually what you wanted to hear, whether you were aware of it or not.
Glad to hear about the heart to heart.

What difference does it make that you are a lesbian? Why bother mentioning that? It makes a difference when you cheat, and avoid answering questions?

There are many questions I asked that you chose to ignore. Perhaps the truth hurts.

That you mentioned she was abusing prescription medication, is that why you cheated? She was too much trouble to deal with?

I don't think you were misread. "We as women are emotional creatures"- are you referring to yourself here? "if one is misread ohhhh myyyy oh my we tend to fuss"... you were misread? No, you weren't.

I don't know why you're here. Perhaps you expected support in your thinking that it's okay to cheat and abandon your partner because... not sure about that, I can't see a good reason so far, other than you are a very selfish person by the sound of things.

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I don't know why you're here. Perhaps you expected support in your thinking that it's okay to cheat and abandon your partner because... Not sure about that, I can't see a good reason so far, other than you are a very selfish person by the sound of things.

I'm glad you have such a positive response. Thank you.