I have been dating this guy for two months. We were not 'boyfriend girlfriend' because he wanted to take things slow, but we were exclusive. I called him last Saturday and told him that we are not going to work out. He got really upset. I called him the day after to tell him I miss him and apologized and all. We had a long conversation and he said he can't trust me anymore and that to him I am not safe and how he is worried I would do it again. He said he wants to think about it.

So, the day after he posted a status on fb which I assumed it was about us. I msged him asking what it was about and he got upset again and told me how the world doesn't revolve around me. I kept apologizing to him but he kept saying "good night" and I kept begging him to calm down. Eventually he said 'we'll talk later, good night"

That was five days ago and we haven't spoken after. I didn't message him after at all. What does that mean? Are we over? Can I message him? What should I do?

It means, he got mad, when you broke up with him, and he decided that it was best to find someone else. Only you know why you broke up with him, so now you have to deal with the result of your choice. You can try to talk with him but if he wants to stay broken up there is nothing you can do

It means your dumping him is final, unless he changes his mind and contacts you, which is unlikely. Now if you want to chase him down and beg some more, that's up to you, but I doubt it brings out the best in you, or him.

Why did you dump him? Why did you change your mind?

I don't know what "we're not boyfriend/girlfriend but we are exclusive means"

Isn't it the same thing? Or perhaps his interpretation is different than yours. Maybe with just being 'exclusive' he doesn't have to be in a more committed boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.

I find his reaction extreme. You may have just been so fed up with not knowing where the relationship was going, and even-dare I say it- wanted more than HIS little dictatorship that said 'take things slow'. I don't get the impression that he was at all bothered by your call saying 'it just wasn't going to work out'. I would think he would have at least asked why, and the two of you most likely could have worked out your differences.

*thanx for your replies. I really appreciate it u guys :)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Jake2008

I don't know what "we're not boyfriend/girlfriend but we are exclusive means"

Isn't it the same thing? Or perhaps his interpretation is different than yours. Maybe with just being 'exclusive' he doesn't have to be in a more committed boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.

I find his reaction extreme. You may have just been so fed up with not knowing where the relationship was going, and even-dare I say it- wanted more than HIS little dictatorship that said 'take things slow'. I don't get the impression that he was at all bothered by your call saying 'it just wasn't going to work out'. I would think he would have at least asked why, and the two of you most likely could have worked out your differences.

---

When I told him things weren't going to work out, he did ask for the reasons and I told him. Basically, he might leave the country in couple of months and work abroad and I have talked to him about it several times. I told him how it scares me and some other reasons too.I have called him and asked how things are. As if it's just to see how he is doing.He said that I have scared him a lot. And that I am unpredictable to him now. I know he is going through hard time at work and he is really stressed and all. So I tried to be really understanding to him. He said that its not that he doesn't like me, but he was really frightened of what I have done. He ended the xall and said we will talk soon.Its like, he completely lost his trust on me and I am not who he thought. Im trying to sgow him that I really do care and if I had wanted to leave, then I would have left.But I really don't know what to do now 

I still don't think he communicates very well, no matter what kind of stress he's under. You may have pushed the envelope somewhat, but maybe- just maybe- you did what he was going to do anyway?

I wouldn't contact him, and presume that he is not ready, willing, and/or able to have a serious relationship at this time.

Should he come back into your life at a future date, my advice to you is to keep him at arms length until you know you can trust him to at least communicate honestly.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Jake2008

I still don't think he communicates very well, no matter what kind of stress he's under. You may have pushed the envelope somewhat, but maybe- just maybe- you did what he was going to do anyway?

I wouldn't contact him, and presume that he is not ready, willing, and/or able to have a serious relationship at this time.

Should he come back into your life at a future date, my advice to you is to keep him at arms length until you know you can trust him to at least communicate honestly.

---

I really don't blame him. He said that he was shocked of my reaction. That I could have spoken to him about my concerns before making a decision for the both of us. That maybe we could have worked something out instead but now its all gone :(
Can I ask him out and suggest we stay friends? Or do I leave it to that?
I really think it's a matter of sooner or later. That it ended now, but could have ended two months from now when he would have left. I just cannot get myself to accept that even though I know it :s

Acceptance of reality is the key to life, especially ones own mistakes. Sometimes the best thing is to do nothing rather than make it worse, or delay the inevitable.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by talaniman

Acceptance of reality is the key to life, especially ones own mistakes. Sometimes the best thing is to do nothing rather than make it worse, or delay the inevitable.

---

I know I will be OK in the future and I'm 100% sure him and I will never be together again in our lives. Yet, Im finding it hard to let go.
It's just that I feel so guilty about it at the moment that it is eating me up. I would have rathered if he had been the one to end this need not myself :'(

People are human, and human beings make mistakes. Most are forgivable, such as the 'mistakes' you made.

Reciprocated by another person instead of this guy, may have worked out entirely different.

He chooses not to forgive, or talk, or work out any problems. He won't see you, write to you even in an email, text, sit at a coffee shop and talk. I don't know if he has any communication skills or not, but if he does, he chooses not to use them.

You have nothing to feel guilty about! I urge you to feel relief instead! Imagine this happening down the road with a baby in tow, or a serious illness, or financial problems, or being laid up in the hospital with a busted appendix.

There are many parts of a serious relationship that go through much, much more than you have experienced with this guy. Only the strong and committed will survive all the major hurdles couples face throughout their commitment to each other.

Yes, it is hard to let go, even when the writing is on the wall, and even when you find panties in his back pocket and lipstick on his collar. Love should see you through the very worst and very best of times. Love isn't hiding behind fear, or judgment, or weakness.

And sometimes, love itself, is not enough when the bigger picture emerges.

He wasn't being fair at all. This is a guy who might leave the country and dump you, but is all bent out of shape because 'you might do it [break up] again?'

You were being immature, letting all your frustration about where the relationship was (not) going build up, and then dumping it all into a break up, and then saying you didn't mean it.

So I think both of you need some years of learning. Don't we all, our whole lives.
Let him miss you. If he doesn't, he doesn't. He sounds very intent on his career. That's the way it goes.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by joypulv

He wasn't being fair at all. This is a guy who might leave the country and dump you, but is all bent out of shape because 'you might do it [break up] again?'

You were being immature, letting all your frustration about where the relationship was (not) going build up, and then dumping it all into a break up, and then saying you didn't mean it.

So I think both of you need some years of learning. Don't we all, our whole lives.
Let him miss you. If he doesn't, he doesn't. He sounds very intent on his career. That's the way it goes.

---

I have msged him again today asking him to meet up tmr or the day after, but he said he was busy. Then I asked to meet up over the weekend, again he said he was busy. . He said he was busy. So I had to tell him my reasons and all over a message. I told him how unfair he was being about this breakup; and how he was willing to risk my feelings but not his. Eventually, he said he will make "arrangements" for us to meet. And that was it.
I am sure he was just saying it and didn't mean it. I know him enough to know that this is his way of saying "leave me alone and I don't want to see you"
It hurts because with is ex he was always the one to fix any problems they had. And she had too many issues.
But when I break up with him, call the next day to tell him how I miss him and all, he overreacts and hell breaks?? :(

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Jake2008

People are human, and human beings make mistakes. Most are forgivable, such as the 'mistakes' you made.

Reciprocated by another person instead of this guy, may have worked out entirely different.

He chooses not to forgive, or talk, or work out any problems. He won't see you, write to you even in an email, text, sit at a coffee shop and talk. I don't know if he has any communication skills or not, but if he does, he chooses not to use them.

You have nothing to feel guilty about! I urge you to feel relief instead! Imagine this happening down the road with a baby in tow, or a serious illness, or financial problems, or being laid up in the hospital with a busted appendix.

There are many parts of a serious relationship that go through much, much more than you have experienced with this guy. Only the strong and committed will survive all the major hurdles couples face throughout their commitment to each other.

Yes, it is hard to let go, even when the writing is on the wall, and even when you find panties in his back pocket and lipstick on his collar. Love should see you through the very worst and very best of times. Love isn't hiding behind fear, or judgment, or weakness.

And sometimes, love itself, is not enough when the bigger picture emerges.

---

Im thinking, what if he was the one and I messed yhings up? :(
From your point of view, would ypu have actually taken me back if I had done this? Like its not like I have gone weeks and months!
One day, and I told him it wasn't right, but he is still being stubborn :(

You are missing the part about his career and plans to leave the country. Why be more involved with him now? It will just be more painful the closer you two get. If you don't have a career that can travel, he can't take you with him, and you'd be miserable all alone waiting for him to come home. I think you are forgetting how this all ties into his reasoning. It isn't just your impetuous break up.
And no, you don't get forgiveness points for 'only one day' break up. Life doesn't work that way.

I wouldn't give you, or any other female a chance to dump me twice on a whim. That's crazy to expect it knowing he has been through this before. Add to that his future plans, then he has every reason to look forward, and not back.

Who needs the drama?

Now take the hint and leave him alone and in time you may learn a valuable lesson in relationships, and communications.

"If you love them, you'll let them go". Ever heard that quote before? I know it's a little old and somewhat cheesy but it's the truth. If he's not making an effort to try and work things out, then why should you? He's out there doing his own thing, while you're here worrying and stressing about your guys' relationship. It's just not worth it. I suggest not messaging him. Put some posts on Facebook too. Not ones to make him jelous though just things to show that you're still happy. Maybe a picture of yourself smiling or something. Don't purposly try to get his attention. If you catch his attention, then you do. Yay. If not, then leave it. If he happens to message you, message him back. Don't be all lovely dovey and stuff just talk normally. If he wants to try and work things out, don't be stubborn. It's good to kind of make him go through what he put you through, you know? What goes around comes around. But don't make him beg too much to the point where he gives up. Whatever happens though, do not kiss or cry in front of them. Guys LOVE IT when you do that. It makes them feel like they're in control and then enjoy it more than anything. Just go with the flow and whatever happens, happens. If things don't work out, JUST DO YOU. Good luck, hope I helped :)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by January 21

"If you love them, you'll let them go". Ever heard that quote before? I know it's a little old and somewhat cheesy but it's the truth. If he's not making an effort to try and work things out, then why should you? He's out there doing his own thing, while you're here worrying and stressing about your guys' relationship. It's just not worth it. I suggest not messaging him. Put some posts on facebook too. Not ones to make him jelous though just things to show that you're still happy. Maybe a picture of yourself smiling or something. Don't purposly try to get his attention. If you catch his attention, then you do. Yay. If not, then leave it. If he happens to message you, message him back. Don't be all lovely dovey and stuff just talk normally. If he wants to try and work things out, don't be stubborn. It's good to kinda make him go through what he put you through, you know? What goes around comes around. But don't make him beg too much to the point where he gives up. Whatever happens tho, do not kiss or cry in front of them. Guys LOVE IT when you do that. It makes them feel like they're in control and then enjoy it more than anything. Just go with the flow and whatever happens, happens. If things don't work out, JUST DO YOU. Good luck, hope I helped :)

---

Thank you. Your answer is quite helpful. I haven't seen him online on Facebook for days. His last seen on whatsapp was a few days ago. So far I have heard nothing from him.
I feel so guilty about it because I know he is hurting and it's all because of me. I wish I could fix this because the guilt is eating me up alive and he just distanced myself from me :(

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by joypulv

You are missing the part about his career and plans to leave the country. Why be more involved with him now? It will just be more painful the closer you two get. If you don't have a career that can travel, he can't take you with him, and you'd be miserable all alone waiting for him to come home. I think you are forgetting how this all ties into his reasoning. It isn't just your impetuous break up.
And no, you don't get forgiveness points for 'only one day' break up. Life doesn't work that way.

---

Thank you for answering my question :)
Like I said, he just stopped talking to me, his Facebook statuses have been sad lately, he hasn't gotten online on any social networking site for days now :(
It's as if he is torturing me with this. He knows I hate upsetting him and this is just tearing me apart :(

Stay away from his Facebook page and you won't be tortured by his sadness or absence. That's not him, its you. You are torturing yourself, and he is probably having a grand time with friends, and family, and activities as he prepares for his next exciting adventure.

You sound young. You learned something for the future: a moment on the lips cannot always be undone. Think think think next time before you say something so emotional.

Easy for me to say, right? I'm 66 and still say things I regret. But I accept that I am responsible for what I said.

I don't understand why he got all bent out of shape. You told him of your concern for the future of the relationship because he was going away. What does not boyfriend and girl friend but exclusive mean any way?
He may not have been that serious about you to begin with. He has told you many times in no uncertain terms he wants no part of you. Stop acting desperate and leave it alone. This is a lot of drama for a two month relationship that was going nowhere anyway.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by joypulv

You sound young. You learned something for the future: a moment on the lips cannot always be undone. Think think think next time before you say something so emotional.

Easy for me to say, right? I'm 66 and still say things I regret. But I accept that I am responsible for what I said.

---

Thank you for the advice. And I will try to think before I speak from now on :)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

I don't understand why he got all bent out of shape. You told him of your concern for the future of the relationship because he was going away. What does not boyfriend and girl friend but exclusive mean any way?
He may not have been that serious about you to begin with. He has told you many times in no uncertain terms he wants no part of you. Stop acting desperate and leave it alone. This is a lot of drama for a two month relationship that was going nowhere anyway.

---

You are very right. Sometimes, we need to hear it how it is and that's what you have basically done.
He never said he wanted me to be his girlfriend and kept me in a grey zone. Yet, I feel so bad about this!
I am sure him and I will never be together again as obviously he has no feelings for me and apparently is not trying to fix this.
I have tried to fix this several times, apologized more, tried to talk to him... and nothing. He hasn't tried anything and keeps slamming the door in my face for the past two weeks. Im thinking, had he wanted me for real, he would have at least agreed to sit and talk to me about it like adults. But, still a no from him :(
I need to accept it, let go, learn my lesson and move on.
Thank you for your help :)