So it is my three week anniversary (I know lame to keep track but I do) and every since the wedding my husband has been extremely irritable. I work 5 days a week from about 8-7 most days and he goes to school Monday Wednesday and Friday. The rest of the time he can do whatever he wants. But usually he spends the time he has with me with his friends instead, and I really don’t know what he does with the rest of his time. I come home and the first thing I do is make diner and then clean up and usually I just want to relax. Somehow we always get into a fight…over stupid stuff. For example he dropped a hair brush on his foot, he yelled at me and went into our room and slammed the door and cancelled our plans to go out because I got upset and started to cry when he yelled. He says he is not yelling at me that he is just mad. But when he punches walls and curses right next to me and gets mad and distant I take it personal. I don’t know how he expects me not to. He gets mad that he never sees me but it’s almost as though if I don’t make the effort (leave for lunch and go see him or something) He will not. I took off work one day last week just so I could see him but he cancelled plans with me to be with his friends, then he blames my job for him never getting to see me. I am getting lonely. Last night I dropped him off at the bar he asked me to after we got into one of our stupid little fights and he told me he thought our marriage is failing. He even slept on the couch when he finally came home around 2am. I feel like he is so far away from me even when he is right there. This morning when I left for work he wouldn’t even turn to tell me goodbye. He says nothing is wrong but I am doing everything I possibly can to keep the peace and to make him happy but to no avail. What is going on here? :confused:

Sounds like you and he have some relationship issues to iron out. Does he do any housework while you are at work? I suppose not, I can read between the lines well enough. Maybe you are trying to hard and should ignore him for a while and not be so sensitive to his issues. He in turn should cut you some slack. A third party to talk this out with sometimes helps small trouble spots between partners. Can you to go to your pastor, or a community counsellor and sort out whatever (I think) is bothering him, not you ?

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Originally Posted by tickle

sounds like you and he have some relationship issues to iron out. Does he do any housework while you are at work? I suppose not, I can read between the lines well enough. Maybe you are trying to hard and should ignore him for a while and not be so sensitive to his issues. He in turn should cut you some slack. A third party to talk this out with sometimes helps small trouble spots between partners. Can you to go to your pastor, or a community counsellor and sort out whatever (I think) is bothering him, not you ?

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I agree.

Wow..

WOW.. I can feel the pain in your words. When he is calm, I would ask him to talk about what's going on. I know men are not usually good at talking about their feeling, but considering your married I think communication is important. Maybe he is stressed. Has he always had a quick temper? If he thinks this marriage is failing, then ask him what does he think is the problem and how does he think the both of you can fit? Does he want to fit it? Ask him if you guys can make time for a date night, so can reconnect.

Its so hard those early years to bridge the communications gap. Or even know how to communicate. A third party can guide you through this process and teach you these skills, and if he won't go, then you go yourself, but he has issues that need resolving, and it won't happen over night.

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My experience is that the first year of marriage is not all rose petals and caramel popcorn :) It's hard... and you will find that sometimes you can argue about the silliest things.. but the reality is often that the subjects you argue about have nothing to do with those silly things... it's all on a deeper level...

See a counselor, it's the best after-wedding present you can probably give yourself.
If you did not have any pre-marriage counseling (and I would highly recommend it to any couple who is about to tie the knot... ) see someone now.

A marriage does not exist from the moment you put the ring on eachother's finger... it has only started... and it is important to communicate... to talk, to listen...

It's hard work, but it's worth it.

Good luck !