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-   -   Doesn't add up (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=770910)

  • Oct 11, 2013, 11:41 PM
    sadshygirl84
    Doesn't add up
    My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years we live together as well. At the beginning of our relationship he admitted he was a drug user but was getting treatment. We were together for 3 months when the court ordered him to attend rehab. He was gone for 4 months and I made sure he had everything he needed while receiving treatment. I staying loyal to him 100% till he came out. He was doing great until I noticed him acting odd. He confessed he had relapsed. I knew he kept on using after time went on. But I couldn't prove it. He started to change his attitude toward me completely changed where people outside our relationship started to notice it as well. I found out he was emailing other women online and giving his number out too. There was even a girl texting him. As soon as I saw he completely stopped texting her.

    Everything was going well and I was on the mission to regain my trust toward him. He was fine his attitude was back to normal. Until I started to notice him being distant moody and really wasn't giving me any affection. It came to the point where I was begging for sex and I got nothing but rejection. Then that famous gut feeling started to come out. I felt like he was cheating on me so I started to investigate but really didn't find anything. I was starting to think I was crazy. But that feelings didn't want to go away. Then one afternoon my mom calls me and tells me she had just seen my boyfriend with a different woman in his truck. That day he was supposed to get some things I needed from the store. He told me just to stay home and relax. He was gone for two hours and I was getting worried so I called him many times no answer went to voicemail. Text messages never answered. He returned home 3 hours later and I heard his phone going off. He was just getting all my text messages so that told me he had it off. I knew he was with the woman my mother told me about. I didn't confront him until 2 months later and I told him I knew and to be honest he then told me he had picked up a street walker and asked if she knew where to get his drug. He said that she took him to the other side of town and got what he wanted and allowed the woman to inject him. He said they didn't sleep together but I feel different. Everyone else feels the same way.

    His story doesn't add up. He was gone for 5 hours and he never answered my calls nor texts. I don't know what to do. Should I leave him or stay. How can I make him tell me what really went on because he can't really give me an explanation on what he did for those 5 hours.
  • Oct 12, 2013, 12:11 PM
    talaniman
    You leave because he is still doing drugs and while its possible he had no sex, and junkies can lose a lot of time in their addiction, it's the addicted person that's to be avoided at all costs.

    Yes you can contract HIV and other diseases through needle sharing as well as sex.
  • Oct 12, 2013, 02:25 PM
    sadshygirl84
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by talaniman View Post
    You leave because he is still doing drugs and while its possible he had no sex, and junkies can lose a lot of time in their addiction, it's the addicted person that's to be avoided at all costs.

    Yes you can contract HIV and other diseases thru needle sharing as well as sex.

    Yes I understand everything, I can leave and I will. But the only thing that makes me feel guilty. His mother tells me at times Eben beg me not go because if I do he will get deeper in drugs. I've had enough I still can't trust him because Im about to call it quota. M
  • Oct 12, 2013, 04:36 PM
    smearcase
    If you hang around you will be the casualty from all this. You will limp from year to year and one day turn around and realize that the best part of your life has passed.
  • Oct 12, 2013, 04:48 PM
    Fr_Chuck
    Using guilt is a form of abuse, does he feel "guilty" about what he is doing to you, no drug addicts only care for themselves.

    You will never know the truth and why did you wait months to confront him, that in itself is silly.

    But you leave, you are making excues to stay
  • Oct 12, 2013, 05:18 PM
    talaniman
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by sadshygirl84 View Post
    Yes I understand everything, I can leave and I will. But the only thing that makes me feel guilty. His mother tells me at times Eben beg me not go because if I do he will get deeper in drugs. I've had enough I still can't trust him because Im about to call it quota. M

    No need for guilt, you can't save him from himself, only he can. Misery loves company, and junkies will say anything to keep what they have. He is already getting deeper with you there, so run like hell, and don't look back.
  • Oct 12, 2013, 06:40 PM
    Jake2008
    Treatment is one thing, relapse is another, but it doesn't mean he lost everything he learned while in treatment. He would have learned how to deal with a relapse, and taken the necessary steps to get back on track.

    That part alone should have been a given, if he was serious about staying clean.

    He was not, and is not, clean. As long as he makes choices that keep him in that cycle of addiction, there is nothing, I repeat, nothing you can do.

    His only meaningful relationship is his drug. Not you, not his life, job, nothing. Only the drug.

    You feeling guilty over not having any control over his other relationship, shows how little you understand a drug addicted person. You might consider visiting a counselor who deals with families struggling to cope with a loved one's drug use.

    His mother would benefit too I think.

    I hope at some point in his life, he straightens out, sticks to a treatment plan, and lives a productive life. But without at least six months being clean, you are fooling yourself to even consider him capable of change. He may not ever be.

    You know what you have to do, and if you do not feel strong enough to let go, please seek counseling to help you through this.

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