Mind me being rude while I skip introductions, although I will say my girlfriend and I are both 20 and have been dating for 2 years. Anyway, we seem to have a weekly argument which normally lasts 15 to 30 minutes and mostly includes myself trying to figure out why she's upset while she plays break-up songs on her phone. The arguments have all been the same beginning with her saying; "I really wish you would change (insert topic here), I'm tired of putting with you this way."

When I finally say the words "I'm sorry" and "I will try to change", she hits me with 'the look' and says; "You know I love you, you don't need to change for me." After a couple hours of relaxing, everything is calm again for another week (until it repeats with another subject for me to change). This time, I'm at a loss... I can't simply change the way I am about this subject.

She get's incredibly mad on Sundays every time she leaves for church while I stay behind and go over to her house to hang out with her brother who also doesn't go. I understand her wanting me to go to church, but I tell her each time that going to church isn't my thing. She comes home from church happy, as if she forgot she was angry before she left (thus the reason why we never go into it about it). Anyway, during our weekly argument on 10/07, she brought it up.

"I wish you weren't so athiest", she said to me. I told her time and time again that I believe in God, but I don't enojoy going to church for 3 hours, listening to my dad tell the world about it. My parents don't have a problem with me not going, neither do her parents. I just don't understand why my girlfriend got mad at me for not going and why she wants to break up with me if I don't start acting more like (in her words) "a perfect Christian"... please help me!

*On a side note, I did eventually change things about myself, although it makes her upset over time that I do change. On quote "... it's not the 'you' I like anymore, I fell in love with someone interesting."

I know it hurts, but I'd be glad she's gone. Your life would have been truly miserable with her.
If you have to change for someone, they don't want you but someone else. That is an awful way to live.

She sounds like she's putting you through the wringer.

Basically what it comes down to is this... you find someone you like, and you go out with them. If they don't have the qualities that you thought they had or you don't like the way they are, you break up with them. You don't try to change them. You also don't change for them.

If she has an issue with you changing the way you are, she is never going to be happy with you and will always be forcing her opinion on you in this way.

Are you willing to put up with this for the rest of your life? You better be because it's not going to change except to probably get worse. You need to sit her down and have a serious talk. Tell her you are not going to change and tell her these weekly arguments about changing are ridiculous. Tell her if she is not satisfied with who you are now, then she will need to rethink the relationship. I wouldn't keep putting up with this.

Try this --

HER: "I really wish you would change (insert topic here), I'm tired of putting with you this way."

YOU: "Okay."

HER: "You know I love you, you don't need to change for me."

YOU: "Okay."

Don't apologize, don't discuss, don't question, don't say anything else about changing yourself. Then carry on as usual.

She is probably just venting her emotions, many do and they are through with it. Learn how to say yes dear and move on as she does. All that changing stuff will drive you nuts.

The way you describe her, she is horribly unlikable.
So.. why do you stay?
Just curious.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by joypulv

The way you describe her, she is horribly unlikable.
So.. why do you stay?
Just curious.

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I stay because out of the other 2 women I've dated before her, she's the only one who actually enjoys being with me in public. She's not ashamed of introducing me to her friends and family. Every time she looks at me and smiles, I can see that she's honestly feeling the way she says when she says "I love you".

@Wondergirl and talaniman; Agreeing with her during any of that is a lost cause, even if a lie detector proved I was being honest when I tell her "okay" or "yes, of course dear", she starts calling me a liar.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by BasicUsername

@Wondergirl and talaniman; Agreeing with her during any of that is a lost cause, even if a lie detector proved I was being honest when I tell her "okay" or "yes, of course dear", she starts calling me a liar.

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Say "Okay" and smile.

I still don't like her.
She doesn't get the vary basic fact that people come as a package, and you get what you don't like if you want what you do like.
Slither out the door earlier on Sundays... slither out of the room when she starts in... say the same thing, over and over: this is who I am.

I'd leave. I would not stay with someone who harps on me all the time. Life is too short .

Quote:

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Originally Posted by BasicUsername

I stay because out of the other 2 women I've dated before her, she's the only one who actually enjoys being with me in public. She's not ashamed of introducing me to her friends and family. Every time she looks at me and smiles, I can see that she's honestly feeling the way she says when she says "I love you".

@Wondergirl and talaniman; Agreeing with her during any of that is a lost cause, even if a lie detector proved I was being honest when I tell her "okay" or "yes, of course dear", she starts calling me a liar.

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I don't like name calling or being over dramatic. But we weigh the good against the bad and evaluate what we can stand, and what we can't. Now when it gets too bad, I remove myself from the situation.

But geez guy during a calm time set some rules and boundaries of good behavior, because if you accept bad behavior, you are sure to get more of it, so nip that name calling in the bud and stick to your guns.

If she keeps crossing a line, and breaks her own word... see ya, hate to be ya!!!!!!!!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by joypulv

I still don't like her.
She doesn't get the vary basic fact that people come as a package, and you get what you don't like if you want what you do like.
Slither out the door earlier on Sundays... slither out of the room when she starts in... say the same thing, over and over: this is who I am.

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So I didn't have to wait until Sunday to give it a go, instead she came up to me and told me that if I didn't go to church with her on Sundays, then we will be going our own ways.

@Wondergirl; When I said okay with a smile, she said "fine, but honey I love you but we need to get some things straight... (after a couple minutes of what looked like her thinking about it she finally says) I wasn't trying to change you, I wanted to change us. My parents want me to have a perfect boyfriend."

After saying my okay, I told her that nobody is perfect and I told her good luck and thanks for the time. I hugged her and that was it. I believe problem is solved.

*I also wasn't a butthole about it, this went calmly as possible.

LOL! Her parents want her to have the perfect boyfriend? Good luck with that! NOBODY is perfect and to set the bar that high, she is setting herself up for failure again and again.

In the long run, you are better off.

Reminds me of the old joke about the young journalist who interviewed an elder statesman. After he’d put away his notepad, he asked the great man — who was known for appearing at balls and parties with beautiful women — why it was he’d never married. "I spent my life looking for the perfect woman," the old man said. The journalist nodded, thinking — as young men do — that he understood: "And, of course, you never found her." The old man smiled. "On the contrary. Trouble is she was looking for the perfect man.”

Never let anyone change who you are. Those differences are what makes us all unique. If a person truly loves someone they'd love everything about them.

So its not just her butt you have to kiss, its her parents too. Good luck and keep the chap stick handy.