More Signs Technology Took Over Your Life
- You know Bill Gates' e-mail address, but you have to look up your own social security number.
- You stop saying "phone number" and replace it with "voice number," since we all know the majority of phone lines in any house are plugged into contraptions that talk to other contraptions.
- You sign Christmas cards by putting :-) next to your signature.
- Off the top of your head, you can think of nineteen keystroke symbols that are far more clever than :-).
- You back up your data every day.
- You print the itinerary of your vacation from a scheduler software.
- You pack the laptop computer first for any trip.
- You know more about the computer than about all of your friends.
- You think jokes about being unable to program a VCR are stupid.
- On vacation, you are reading a computer manual and turning the pages faster than everyone else who is reading John Grisham novels.
Blonde Car Accident
One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.
The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.
He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.
Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.
The blonde started laughing.
This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.
This time the blonde laughed even harder.
Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.
The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what's so funny.
The blonde giggles and replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"
The Rules
1. The female always makes the rules.
2. The rules can change without notice.
3. Males can't know the rules.
4. If the female suspects that the male knows all the rules, she must immediately change some of the rules.
5. The female never bears the blame for being wrong.
6. If the female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding which was a direct result of something that the male did or said which was wrong.
7. If rule 6 applies, the male must apologize for causing the misunderstanding.
8. The female can change her mind.
9. The male must never change his mind without the consent of the female.
10. The female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.
11. The male must always remain calm unless the female wants him to be angry or upset.
12. The female must never let the male know whether she wants him to be angry or upset.
13. If the female has PMS, there are no rules.
14. The male cannot diagnose PMS.
