Ask Me Help Desk - How do I deal with my daughter?

I have a strange situation my daughter had a son and did not want to care for him she gave me full custody and then joined the Army. My husband and I have raised him since birth and I also have a little girl they are raised as brother and sister he is nine years old and she has been out of the military 3 years she did however go through a few husbands and has another child she lived with me and my husband while she was pregnant the second one I wanted her to stay close to us and mend some fences so she can get to know him. But instead she moved with the baby and his dad to another state. The first one still has no idea she is his mother and from what I can tell she is now going through another divorce. She now wants visitation I can only assume it has something to do with benefits She just joined the reserves to get some money. I am so distraught we have spent a fortune helping her we bought her a condo when the first little one came then we pay for all the stuff she needed for the second one. She has never spent any quality time with him and up until she found out he can bring her an additional 1600.00 per month she never even asked to take him for visits. Her and her husband have been in and out of relationship and have a very violent relationship. She lied to the Army and said she gives me support but she has never paid a penny she has never sent a card or even called she went years with no contact. The sad thing is I feel bad for her but all the child doctors said it would not be good for him to upset his life now. I am however concerned she is now posting on Face Book all lies asking for money and a lawyer to make me send him for visits. She tells people I am an awful person and I took him even though she and his natural dad gave him up on their own accord I have the acknowledgment documents. I am so tired of people calling and asking if I saw what she posted. I have been a good Mother to her and My husband who is not her Dad has always been good to her every time she came to visit we paid and she never once would even baby sit all she ever said was he is yours you do it I am going out. She plays the soldier card like a pro and she works the system like a victim it really makes me sad. Now she is going to take me to court how can I stop this she is a bully and I can not take it I am sick and I cry all the time.

What form of custody do you actually have for this child? Is it guardianship or was there an adoption? Did any of the papers leave room for visitation in the future or for reunification ?

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Originally Posted by cdad

What form of custody do you actually have for this child? Is it gaurdianship or was there an adoption? Did any of the papers leave room for visitation in the future or for reunification ?

It is custody to the Maternal Grandmother till age of maturity nothing else. No other previsions. I did agree 3 years ago to counseling so we can transition him. But she never came through she had the option to pick the counselor and go with him. But she decided to get pregnant while still married to first hubby So she had to do some fast talking to get a quick divorce since she was in Texas and if she told the judge she was pregnant she would have had to notify the husband. So again my little guy was not on her. Not to mention the Army would have canned her. So again that is when we took her in and still no interest in my little one all she wanted was to get the baby daddy to marry her. Now she wants to leave him and I am sure her only interest in my little guy is money... So the answer to your question is I have sole custody with no other previsions the state we used to live in is still looking to find her for child support she has never sent a dime.

When she shows up for court you can show the things that you have said here so long as you have some sort of proof and also you can ask questions in court. Ones like have you ever paid child support. How much time have you spent with the child etc. If she is looking for visitation and you have proof she is spreading lies then ask for it to be supervised and also the court to mandate counsiling so you can transition to visitation. Ask for it to be mandatory and a stepping stone. If she fails that part then she can't get visitation.

Quote:

Originally Posted by cdad

When she shows up for court you can show the things that you have said here so long as you have some sort of proof and also you can ask questions in court. Ones like have you ever paid child support. How much time have you spent with the child etc. If she is looking for visitation and you have proof she is spreading lies then ask for it to be supervised and also the court to mandate counsiling so you can transition to visitation. Ask for it to be mandatory and a stepping stone. If she fails that part then she can't get visitation.

The problem is he does not know she is his mother when she left we talked about it and she told me and her recruiter she did not want to be a mother and I would do a better job at it than her. I told her I would raise him and that my husband and I would not question her choice. I did however stress that it was a life commitment and I am not a babysitter. He was entitled to a full happy and healthy life and that is what we have given him he has a little sister and they are fine he knows he is not our biological son but he is fine with that and his psychologist does not think she is going to do any good for him since her life is so screwed up. She made her husband go into a mental hospital or she was taking his baby and leaving just so he does not get deployed then she moved out of the home and is living with some people no one knows. I do not see how this can be a healthy time to introduce my little one to that life mess. It is sad she is my child and I wish I could help but I know she will take my kindness and still make our life a mess. She is just to self centered to think of what is best for everyone especially my little guy. I want the FB bashing to stop and I want the emotional crazy that she calls life to stop. He is nine and happy he is in scouts he plays music Martial arts. Goes on vacation with his family and has a good stable life. She found out she is qualified to get funding for him and the light went on now she is on a mission of no mercy. Every one loves the military I appreciate them and she plays on that but the fact is they also learn how to work the system and they do it well..