Ask Me Help Desk - My girlfriend said I am asexual. I don't believe this is true...

I am 27 and she's 21. We comes to each other with pure faiths and honesty. I have an average size of 5"2. Whenever it came to intimacy moments, I do gotten hard erection from playing with her, and her cuteness movements, but as soon as she returned me a favor by giving oral or any hand jobs. I love it, I want more of her but at the same time, I gradually losing the erection, but inside my mind really turned on.

We usually do it in my car, I don't know is it because of the compact spaces that caused the uncomfortable for me; We have same 5'9" heights. She's pretty up-set and said that I am Asexual, and always compare me to her ex's 9" =/. I'm not angry or up-set at this because I am an acceptance person, but I do feel sad whenever she tried so hard; demanding my load but I have not gave her a single load since the day we first making out, which has been almost a month, then got up-set and keep comparing me to her ex. We've usually making out 2-3 times / week. (Not intercourse because I respect her request of "virgin marriage").

I wrote these lines to seek for experienced suggestions and answer of what should I do to keep me erect beside pills; while she's the one in "dominant"?

Much appreciate for all your helpful replies.

Wow...

It's because she treats you like sh*t. She compares you to someone else, gets upset at you because you can't finish, and then calls you asexual... how are you supposed to perform when you have all of that going on in your mind? Your mind is so worried that she will say this stuff to you that you can't fully relax and just let it happen.

I am sure doing it in the car isn't helping much but I know that the way she is treating you is affecting the way you think.

And she demands your load? What the heckies is up with that? I have had many sexual partners and not one has demanded it. I feel ripped off, cheated, abused if you will. Oh wait, this isn't about me.

I agree with Odinn. She treats you badly. Make one wrong move with her and she will cut it off.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Oliver2011

And she demands your load? What the heckies is up with that? I have had many sexual partners and not one has demanded it. I feel ripped off, cheated, abused if you will. Oh wait, this isn't about me.

I agree with Odinn. She treats you badly. Make one wrong move with her and she will cut it off.

Nice!

I was going to add something like that but thought it might be crossing a line... thank you for taking that step.

Quote:

Originally Posted by odinn7

Nice!

I was going to add something like that but thought it might be crossing a line...thank you for taking that step.

Oh I'm a line crosser. Ask anyone. Wait, look who I am talking to...

Quote:

Originally Posted by Oliver2011

Oh I'm a line crosser. Ask anyone. Wait, look who I am talking to...

The Penn and Teller of the AS board. And I agree with both of you.

I think we might be the victim of someone with a poor grasp of English or someone who used an on-line translator to translate their problem to English.

Quote:

Originally Posted by nd04

I am 27 and she's 21. We comes to each other with pure faiths and honesty. I have an average size of 5"2. Whenever it came to intimacy moments, I do gotten hard erection from playing with her, and her cuteness movements, but as soon as she returned me a favor by giving oral or any hand jobs. I love it, I want more of her but at the same time, I gradually losing the erection, but inside my mind really turned on.

Sex is sex whether it is a blow/hand job or vaginal sex.

When you saying playing with her what do you mean? Do you get her off? Or is it just enough to get you hard?

Do you manage to get hard and get off on your own? IE, masturbate? Is there something that she's doing that you don't like?

For example, I have only met on woman who can get me off via blowjob, who is thankfully my wife but not the reason I married her, and only one that has gotten close with their hand. It can be off putting because they're doing something that you're not used to and you're not sure that it is going to get you off.

Quote:

Originally Posted by nd04

We usually do it in my car, I don't know is it because of the compact spaces that caused the uncomfortable for me; We have same 5'9" heights. She's pretty up-set and said that I am Asexual, and always compare me to her ex's 9" =/. I'm not angry or up-set at this because I am an acceptance person, but I do feel sad whenever she tried so hard; demanding my load but I have not gave her a single load since the day we first making out, which has been almost a month, then got up-set and keep comparing me to her ex. We've usually making out 2-3 times / week. (Not intercourse because I respect her request of "virgin marriage").

Being uncomfortable, no matter how turned on you are will hamper things. As well you have the added concern that someone will see you.

I can understand why she would be upset and she DOES NOT have the right to be upset. She's upset that she can't get you off. She believes that, with her skill and ability, she should be able to get you off. That someone like her could get anyone off and since she can't get you off there is something wrong with YOU and not her. This is a common misconception. Everyone has their own preferences and need to teach their partners how to get them off.

That being said, her comparing you to her EX isn't a good thing. This is insulting to you and the beginnings of power games in your relationship. You have to tell her that this isn't acceptable. It will hurt your relationship and eventually end it. You have to wonder how many times she compared her EX to the EX before that.

Quote:

Originally Posted by nd04

I wrote these lines to seek for experienced suggestions and answer of what should I do to keep me erect beside pills; while she's the one in "dominant"?

Much appreciate for all your helpful replies.

I would leave her. It sounds like she's a toxic person. I am not sure anything healthy can come of this.

What you need to do, if you wish to continue is to talk to her and train her to get you off. Don't rely on her skills because they're not working. She needs to learn this.

Good Luck.

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We comes to each other with pure faiths and honesty.

I don't think so, maybe you did, but she did not. Her reaction to not being able to dominate and CONTROL is a red flag of her selfishness. An understanding caring partner does not personally put you down and being passive is ignoring your own dislike of it. You go along but don't like it on some level and don't need to be pressed to perform to please her.

This kind of treatment is a big turn off, and a preview of that this relationship will always have conflict. Lay down some rules, or dump her.

I agree unless you are a submissive type... her behavior is a major turn off to most people. Unless its your thing... ditch her... its only going to get worse if you aren't into being treated like that.