Me and my boyfriend have been in a relationship for 6 months we have tried having sex but for some reason he gets hard and when he's about to go in it goes soft ? Or if it doesn't get hard it's soft ? We both get horny and into it and He said it has never happened to him before .is it me ? Or him.. that's causing it . Thanks for the help .

We could guess all day, but your boyfriend and you need to work this out over time, at a gentle pace.
Is it him? Maybe he's been this way with others, maybe not. Some guys won't admit it, of course. Maybe he's had strong religious rules drummed into him, or warnings about pregnancy or disease. Is it you? Maybe you are more eager than he likes, or there's some little tiny part of it he wishes were different - or SOMETHING. We can't know. There's a million things it could be. Be as casual about discussing it as possible. Men are the ones who have to show something horny is happening, while women can just pretend.

May I ask how old he is? Does he have any health concerns and/or is he on any drugs (including alcohol or other recreational drugs?)

Is he distracted by thoughts of others hearing, someone walking in, the room too hot/cold, stress about work, etc.

If he hasn't had a check up recently, he should get one. Sometimes erection issues can be a symptom of health problems.

As Joy said, you need to calmly discuss what might be causing the issue. No blame or confrontation. Just looking at the factors that could be affecting his libido.

He is 19 . He doesn't take any drugs or doesn't drink alcohol he has a bit of stress and doesn't want no kids he tells me and he has gone to check to see if everything was good and the doctor told him he was fine. He stresses because he wants to find another job.. And the temp in the room is good he has the a.c on we don't have to worry about no one walking in..

Many studies have shown that men want to be admired for their work more than their looks or sexual prowess. Let him get through this job stress. Keep telling him how good he is at everything he does and how smart he is, without being phony about it. Be encouraging without being unrealistic. Tell him it must be tough going through what he's going through.

Are you working? Keep the stories about your job to a minimum, unless you have something to sigh about.

This is general advice, not about getting him to 'perform' in bed. Everyone needs to feel good in general. If it helps your sex life, great.

Do you use condoms and birth control?

The combination of work, stress, housing, and worry about pregnancy is most likely the issues here.

Thank you & no I'm not working just full time student.. okay I will keep telling him.. Thanks again il see how this goes

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Do you use condoms and birth control?

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Yes we use condoms I'm not on birth control I don't want to gain weight and have all those side effects I was on the shot but my time went up and I didn't get it again

Fear of getting you pregnant is a BIG deal. A female getting pregnant changes everything for you both. Especially if he is supporting you both and is worried about getting a better job.

And you have only been in a relationship for 6 months. And maybe you should worry about more than just gaining weight because a pregnancy now would make your own future change drastically.

He isn't ready for all that, and neither are you. This isn't about sex, its about the consequences of it in my opinion. Bet he doesn't trust or like condoms either.

I agree... condoms are only about 80% effective and that's IF you don't keep them in your wllate or glovebox of the car or do anything else wrong.

Fear of pregnancy is high but also the other issues pointed out by others... combined together are a libido killer even to a young guy.