Ask Me Help Desk - How do I fix this?

I am the biggest idiot in the world. I was going out the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and because of a fight I went out got drunk and was unfaithful. I love this man so much it hurts. We are broken up for 2 months and I have tried so hard to get him back. I've been to counseling, cut down on drink (drink was involved in the incident). I feel so guilty, ashamed and I hate myself for what I have done. He is the perfect guy and we had a great relationship. I knew straight after I was unfaitful that it was a big mistake and it made me realise how I never wanted to be with anyone else but my boyfriend. He found out and because I paniced at the thought of losing him I denied the whole thing. I started lying and lying because I was so scared of losing him. In the end I have anyway. I know I have hurt him so much and I am trying everything I can. He says he still loves and can't hate me but only wants to stay friends. I have never been unfaithful to him only the once but he doesn't believe that. All I know is that I love him. It took a stupid mistake to realise that and I'm paying for it. I just want a chance to show him that he can trust me. Guys please help. Should I back off? If you love someone and think they are worth fighting for no matter what, shouldn't you do that? I would really appreciate any advise. Thank you so much.

The short answer: you f***ed up. Like you said, it was an expensive price to pay but hopefully, you have learned the lesson. No matter how drunk you get, don't do it to the next guy you fall in love with.

But then again, should you fight for it? That depends on where this guys values lie. You could be fighting forever and never win him back. And even if you do, you will have to live with it between you two for the rest of your lives.

You are paying the price for your actions, and I hope you learned enough of a lesson not to repeat this mistake. Whether your b/f forgives you or not its up to him. No matter what you do its his choice.

How can he trust that you will not do this very thing again, if you two get into another fight? You say you cut down drinking, why not cut drinking out all together? You made some bad choices via alcohol, but you cannot blame alcohol. It was just a tool.

Yes, you should back off, leave this guy alone. Let him think about the relationship, give him time to cool off and reconsider. If he makes the move towards you again, go easy. If he truly forgives you, be thankful. BUT do not allow him to use that act of stupidity as a weapon against you, once this is forgiven and done with. For now, get your own act together. Keep on with the counseling, getting your emotional health right. Maybe you will see some things about yourself that will surprise you. Maybe you will see this guy in a new light too. But get on with your life. Focus on other activities and other people. Go forward, don't get stuck in the past. Good luck.

Quote:

Originally Posted by innohep

I am the biggest idiot in the world. I was going out the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and because of a fight I went out got drunk and was unfaithful. I love this man so much it hurts. We are broken up for 2 mths and I have tried so hard to get him back. I've been to councelling, cut down on drink (drink was involved in the incident). I feel so guilty, ashamed and I hate myself for what I have done. He is the perfect guy and we had a great relationship. I knew straight after I was unfaitful that it was a big mistake and it made me realise how I never wanted to be with anyone else but my boyfriend. He found out and because I paniced at the thought of losing him I denied the whole thing. I started lying and lying because I was so scared of losing him. In the end I have anyway. I know I have hurt him so much and I am trying everything I can. He says he still loves and can't hate me but only wants to stay friends. I have never been unfaithful to him only the once but he doesn't believe that. All i know is that i love him. It took a stupid mistake to realise that and i'm paying for it. I just want a chance to show him that he can trust me. Guys please help. Should I back off? If you love somone and think they are worth fighting for no matter what, shouldn't you do that? I would really appreciate any advise. Thank you so much.

I think you should try get him back if you really like him if he says no just let him go and find someone else. Because you could probably find someone better then the guy you are trying to get back.

The drinking and the unfaithfulness were just a couple of signs of your lack of maturity. There may be others. Maybe it took this for him to realize it. In any event, you need to respect his wishes and leave him alone. Don't try and manipulate him into returning. Let him know that you are sorry beyond belief and that you will work hard at gaining his trust back should he ever give you the chance. That's about all you can do.

For the record, anyone who uses the old "I was drunk and that's why I cheated" excuse is not being honest with themselves, much less the person they are lying to. No matter how drunk you are, you do know what you're doing, you'll stumble and slur while doing it, your vision is blurred, but you do know right from wrong, your liquid courage just kicks up your desires a notch.

I'd back off for now and work on yourself. The counseling is a good place to start and that was a good move. Stick with it. Get to the root of your issues and work on resolving them before thinking about having any kind of relationship with anyone.