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-   -   Parents hate my boyfriend and don't want us together. What can we do? (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=768872)

  • Sep 26, 2013, 09:12 AM
    JustJaz6412
    Parents hate my boyfriend and don't want us together. What can we do?
    I know I might be young, we're both 16 and maybe were to young to understand but I don't care. For the past years I've been treated like an adult. I've felt like I had no choice but to grow up so young and for once in my life I'm happy and actually feel like a teenager. I'm tired of always having to be the responsible one.

    My boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years and my parents don't like him because he gets into trouble, but honestly he has changed. He is not the same guy I met 2 years ago. He treats me as if I'm the only girl in the world. I've never met anyone like him and I maybe too young but I know I want to be with him. There's a lot of bad guys now-a-days treating girls like crap but I have a good guy. I'm not going to let him go, I can't lose him.

    My mom thinks he isn't going anywhere in life since he hates school and got into trouble and she says I deserve better but I think she's wrong. She just focuses on the bad things that aren't even true. He has his whole life planned out and wants to go somewhere in life but my mom doesn't care. He hates school but so does everyone else. He gets in to trouble but so does everyone else. He puts up with it though just like everyone else has to. He stopped getting in trouble and yet my mom doesn't want us together :/

    I don't know what to do anymore. My boyfriend is going to talk to my mom and convince her he's not the bad guy she thinks he is. He loves me and my family and is willing to do anything to not lose me. I'm not going to end it just to satisfy my mom. I want to be happy and he makes me happy. He's there for me when no one else is.

    I just need some advice on what you think I should do. Please help.
  • Sep 26, 2013, 09:48 AM
    odinn7
    You keep telling us he gets into trouble yet you don't say what kind of trouble. Also, how old is he?
  • Sep 26, 2013, 10:01 AM
    JustJaz6412
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by odinn7 View Post
    You keep telling us he gets into trouble yet you don't say what kind of trouble. Also, how old is he?
    He gets into fights in school. And he's 16
  • Sep 26, 2013, 10:17 AM
    Wondergirl
    Why fights? What's going on? Does he have an anger management problem?
  • Sep 26, 2013, 10:25 AM
    JustJaz6412
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Wondergirl View Post
    Why fights? What's going on? Does he have an anger management problem?
    There's just guys always picking on him because of his height and they end up wanting to fight him. I feel bad because of it. And no he doesn't have anger management problems he fights back to defend himself instead of just letting them hit him.
  • Sep 26, 2013, 10:26 AM
    Wondergirl
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by JustJaz6412 View Post
    There's just guys always picking on him because of his height and they end up wanting to fight him. i feel bad because of it. and no he doesn't have anger management problems he fights back to defend himself instead of just letting them hit him.
    Bad move on his part. He has to learn better ways to deal with that. There will always be taller guys than him.

    Has he reported these bullies to a school official or teacher?
  • Sep 26, 2013, 10:37 AM
    Wondergirl
    Why doesn't your mom want you to be together? He still gets into trouble? With teachers? Adults in his life?
  • Sep 26, 2013, 10:40 AM
    odinn7
    Basically there's not much we can tell you. I am a parent as well and I don't think I would want my daughter dating anyone that decided fighting first was the answer... along with being in trouble.

    You say he treats you well and all that but you're 16... I've seen so many 16 year olds thinking they have this relationship thing all figured out and they turn out to be wrong. Ultimately, this is pretty much up to your parents and there isn't a whole lot of advice to give other than that.
  • Sep 26, 2013, 10:43 AM
    JustJaz6412
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Wondergirl View Post
    Bad move on his part. He has to learn better ways to deal with that. There will always be taller guys than him.

    Has he reported these bullies to a school official or teacher?
    Yeah I know its bad on his part but who would just sit there and do nothing and let someone else hit you. He has reported it but the teachers in the school don't really care and won't help him.
  • Sep 26, 2013, 10:45 AM
    Wondergirl
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by JustJaz6412 View Post
    yeah i know its bad on his part but who would just sit there and do nothing and let someone else hit you. he has reported it but the teachers in the school don't really care and won't help him.
    He gets hit and he walks away.

    How tall is he?
  • Sep 26, 2013, 10:45 AM
    JustJaz6412
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Wondergirl View Post
    Why doesn't your mom want you to be together? He still gets into trouble? with teachers? adults in his life?
    No he doesn't get in trouble anymore he tries to avoid anyone that will get him in trouble he's doing really good now he hasn't gotten into trouble and his grades are good. I guess my mom can't see past the fact that he use to be a troublemaker or I don't know. Regardless of how young I am it just sucks

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by wondergirl View Post
    he gets hit and he walks away.

    How tall is he?
    5'4
  • Sep 26, 2013, 10:50 AM
    Wondergirl
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by JustJaz6412 View Post
    5'4
    Does he have male relatives taller than that? (He's still growing by the way.)
  • Sep 26, 2013, 10:55 AM
    JustJaz6412
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Wondergirl View Post
    Does he have male relatives taller than that? (He's still growing by the way.)
    Yeah he does. And ooh okay that's good
  • Sep 26, 2013, 10:57 AM
    Wondergirl
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by JustJaz6412 View Post
    yeah he does. and ooh okay that's good
    Can he come to your house and help you with a chore, like cleaning up the basement or sweeping out the garage? How could he impress your mom?

    Does your mom or dad have a special anniversary or birthday coming up? He could make up a coupon booklet (using Word) to give them. Each coupon could be an odd job/household chore that he would do for them for free -- wash 5 windows, clean doors and woodwork, walk the dog, wash the car(s), etc. (of course, with your help).
  • Sep 26, 2013, 11:09 AM
    JustJaz6412
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Wondergirl View Post
    Can he come to your house and help you with a chore, like cleaning up the basement or sweeping out the garage? How could he impress your mom?
    Yes he could it's a little hard during weekdays but weekends definitely. And he has come over and helped me out with chores before. But to impress my mom I have no idea, he's sweet to her he buys my mom things and he's always willing to help her. I'm just confused as to why she doesn't want us to be together.
  • Sep 26, 2013, 11:24 AM
    talaniman
    Your boyfriend should just keep putting his best foot forward as it seems he still is allowed to visit despite your moms complaints, and that's spells hope to me so relax, and help him be a good guy.

    Parents seldom just cave in where our kids are concerned. Relax and be positive because maybe her attitude is to keep you both on your toes.
  • Sep 26, 2013, 11:33 AM
    Cat1864
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by JustJaz6412 View Post
    yes he could it's a little hard during weekdays but weekends definitely. and he has come over and helped me out with chores before. but to impress my mom i have no idea, he's sweet to her he buys my mom things and he's always willing to help her. i'm just confused as to why she doesn't want us to be together.
    You have been dating him for two years. Has your mother always had a problem with him or is this a recent issue?

    How are your grades and behavior? Her issues with him may be less about him and more about you.

    You say that for the past few years you have been treated like an adult and now you are 'feeling' like a teenager. Does that mean you have been acting like one? Have you been taking/showing less responsibility?
  • Sep 26, 2013, 11:46 AM
    JustJaz6412
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Cat1864 View Post
    You have been dating him for two years. Has your mother always had a problem with him or is this a recent issue?

    How are your grades and behavior? Her issues with him may be less about him and more about you.

    You say that for the past few years you have been treated like an adult and now you are 'feeling' like a teenager. Does that mean you have been acting like one? Have you been taking/showing less responsibility?
    This is a recent issue. My grades are amazing. I've never done this good before. My behavior has changed in the sense of I've been distant because I prefer to get my homework done first instead of being around the family. I know that might be bad but I'm a junior and I want to graduate with good grades. I think your right about it being more about me. I'm going to try to change that. And yeah I've been acting like more of a teenager for example when I'm with him I get to act my age and have fun and enjoy it, but when I'm not I feel like I have so much on my plate. I'm the one that cleans the house that looks after my sisters I barely ever get to go out and have fun. And now that I'm home schooled makes everything even harder. If anything I've been showing more responsibility then I ever have before.

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