We have a 19 year old daughter , works full time pays for her car herself so we can't take that, graduated from high school not doing college that's fine not even close to the problem.I'm at my wits end and don't know what to do she is for better terms I guess hooking up. She's finding these boys on Facebook and tango and then just going to meet them. I ask her does she not care about her safety . She laughs and thinks its funny :/ I do not . She lives at home with us and her younger siblings... not a great role model... what do I do I never thought in a million years I would have these issues how do I know she's not doing drugs not having unprotected sex... not going to dead or pregnant. Why does she think this is funny...

You might have to lay down the law. If she's going to live in your home, she is going to live by your rules.

She works full time so start charging her some rent and making some rules. The as long as you live under my roof you be home by... That you do not want her being a poor rule model to younger siblings. etc...
Of course that is not going to stop her from running around with these guys and doing who knows what, but it's a start on you putting your foot down some. You have warned her.
She being 19 you really don't have much control over what she does with her body.

She has a curfew and she is supposed to start paying rent next week because we let her move downstairs... but how do I just let go I can not stand not knowing, she come home goes down and only back up to eat, go to the bathroom, or leave.

Letting go is part of being a parent. It doesn't mean not to worry or not be concerned... it means at some point they are going to have to make their own life decisions.

It is tough watching your own child fall into dangerous situations, or potentially dangerous situations, and be helpless to do anything to stop her. She could very well move out, and you would still have no control or knowledge of what she is up to.

There is no way you can know whether she is using protection, or drugs. We all know the dangers that online dating can bring. I take it she doesn't bring any of these men home for Sunday dinner, so I too, would assume the worst of them.

I get the impression that until the recent past, her behavior was good, and predictable. For her to be 19 and owning her own car, and working full time, is a testament to your values and work ethic and discipline that were taught to her. What you have taught her, will always be there.

I don't think 19 year olds think too far ahead. I think there is a better than average chance with what you've said, that she will come around.

Try not to argue with her, or lecture, or debate. Put a smile on your face, and focus on the other children more, and her less. Ignore jabs, insults, and any accusations (you being at fault for her behavior). Don't be drawn into the drama and lifestyle she has decided to live.

Let her figure it out on her own. As long as she is following the basic rules, and paying her rent, I would be inclined to let her stay home, for now. This may not improve in time, it may improve with time. You'll have to adjust your tactics if things get unbearable for everyone in the household.

But for now, she knows how you feel, and you know how she feels. Lessening the tension between you and her, may just make a positive difference, if she knows you are there for her, but not walking on eggshells. Take your life back, let up a bit, and give her some space.

I know that sounds contrary to what most who believe in 'tough love' would say. But, with an otherwise good kid who's taken a wrong turn, my opinion is there is reason to believe that she will slowly come back to her old self. Then she will need you.

And that is a much more valuable lesson to her, for her to know that she has to make the decision to change, rather than you giving up.

And, she doesn't think it's really funny that you worry about very real perils about these men she is hooking up with. Humour, as well as anger, masks fear. It is a front, and also a sign that she has some inkling that there is truth in what you say.

I hope you will post as things progress.

I'm going to do my best to try your staigties, I can only hope for the best but it is so scary to not know the unknown, what if something happens that I could have stopped from happening but didn't :/ Also I feel so horrible liked some where a long the way I seriously messed up some were, like I failed? I just want my kids to be safe ! Thank you all I feel so grateful to have found this site:)

I have found that in life no matter how hard you try to stop something that is fated destiny there is NOTHING you can do. ITS going to happen if its meant to happen. Worry never added a second to anybody's life nor fix any problem.

It's very hard.

It would be easier if there were some cause- such as mental illness, or abuse, or years of bullying. But, an abrupt change in anyone we love knocks the sense out of life. Struggling for answers will lead to blaming ourselves, as parents, because surely we must have been causal in how a child's life has evolved.

But, even under the worst of circumstances, and the worst of parenting, 'kids' still grow up and choose their own path in life. Many choose not to repeat the mistakes of their parents, and some, because of where they came from, gain strength and confidence because they have suffered; and are confident in not allowing themselves to repeat history.

You cover all the bases, and provide all the love and nurturing any human being needs to develop in healthy and productive ways, and by doing far more right, than wrong, it's your kid that ends up in trouble. There is no figuring it out in a way that places blame directly on your shoulders.

In other words, good parents or bad parents- nobody can predict what series of events and decisions our kids will make. It is impossible to point to any kid and say that they are more likely than the other to end up on the other end of a needle, or pregnant, or other conclusions- all conclusions that are really consequences of their behavior, but also, a learning experience the hard way.

With the advantages your daughter has had, and still has, with a family intact, and supportive, I hope that her journey down this road she is on, will be a short one.

Well update she came home... then left said she was going to stay the night... I have her phone on locator.called the husband we are at a loss of what to do other then let her go . Oh my gosh this is one of the most hardest nights of my life:(

Hubby is at work.

Update... he bailed she's home ! Till the next time :/

Hopefully she wakes up soon that the guys she finds in this lifestyle aren't worth 2 cents