Ask Me Help Desk - Voluntary termination of parental rights

My husband's ex-wife has made it very difficult for him to see his son. He has jumped through hoops, with my help a couple times, to be able to see him. The minimum visitation is every other Thursday for 3 hours and every other weekend from 6 pm on Friday to 6 pm on Sunday. Because we live in nice apartments that are on top of a hill behind the projects, she refuses to bring him to us in order for them to spend time together. Instead, she only allows him to see his son every other Saturday for 1 hour. And it has to be on her terms with her and her father there to supervise the visit. I do not like her, mainly because she is poisoning their son's mind and slowly turning him against his father. My husband is miserable because he doesn't get to spend the time he desires and deserves to with his youngest son. So miserable to the point he is ready to terminate his rights to him. She is not married, and honestly she is so uptight and controlling that I don't see her ever finding someone to accept her as she is and spend the rest of their lives with her. We live in Tennessee and I have heard that the custodial parent has to be married in order for the non custodial parent to terminate their rights voluntarily but I can't find anything anywhere that backs it up. Can my husband file a petition with the juvenile court to have his parental rights terminated without her being married?

No, he can't, and I don't understand why he is being so wimpy, despite how awful she is (but he isn't here to defend himself, or to say that he's the one who wants to 'give up' his rights).
She has been ordered by the court to allow him to have their child certain times and she can't just grab him away or let her father do so. Is the father part of the court order? How is it he is allowing this to happen?
He should tell her that if she doesn't comply, he is going back to court to fight for full custody or at least equal.
Leave who lives where out of it. Why isn't HE going to HER to pick up their child? If she refuses to bring him to the door, he can call the police.
The child needs his father in his life, more than ever, not less.
I don't want to judge your husband, but he sounds like he is throwing in the towel, and that is very sad.

Quote:

Originally Posted by joypulv

No, he can't, and I don't understand why he is being so wimpy, despite how awful she is (but he isn't here to defend himself, or to say that he's the one who wants to 'give up' his rights).
She has been ordered by the court to allow him to have their child certain times and she can't just grab him away or let her father do so. Is the father part of the court order? How is it he is allowing this to happen?
He should tell her that if she doesn't comply, he is going back to court to fight for full custody or at least equal.
Leave who lives where out of it. Why isn't HE going to HER to pick up their child? If she refuses to bring him to the door, he can call the police.
The child needs his father in his life, more than ever, not less.
I don't want to judge your husband, but he sounds like he is throwing in the towel, and that is very sad.

Her rules are that he has to go to her house when she says it's OK. If she has something planned or if her father can't make it then he don't get to see him. Her father is not part of the permanent parenting plan at all. I have heard so many horror stories, not only from my husband but from my stepson as well, about how controlling she is. She contradicts herself a lot. She's okay with their son being around me yet it would be a cold day in hell before he spends the night with us because of where we live. She's one of those that will go out of her way to make my husband look like the bad guy in order to make herself look good, especially if her friends are around her. He's a disabled veteran and draws a monthly check from the VA. About 4 months after we got together he had a meltdown at work and had himself admitted to the psych ward at the VA hospital in our area. He did this for the sake of both of his sons and everyone else in his life that loves him. He was afraid that he would hurt someone if he didn't nip it in the bud and didn't want either of his boys to have to visit him in jail. The ex took this the complete opposite and lowered his visitation and added her father as the "supervisor" of their visits. He manned up and told her what he did and she told him that she was about to let their son start spending the night with him but not anymore. Even if my husband were to decide against terminating his rights, I'm afraid the damage is already done by her and she has completely turned their son against him. This is a 6 year old who gets lied to about his daddy every chance his mother gets. The last time he went to see his son, he was told by his son that his mommy told him that daddy lied about not being able to come see him and that he really didn't love him or want anything to do with him. The look on my husband's face when he was telling me this broke my heart. What kind of woman would lie to a child so she could remove his daddy from his life? It's like all she wants is money, the more she can get the better and has no interest in letting them form a good healthy relationship.

I get it. I got it the first time. All the stories in the world aren't going to change my (or anyone's) response. She doesn't get to 'lower his visitation;' only the court does. And you haven't said if the COURT made any changes or not. If not, he needs to fight. And when his son says that mommy said this and that, he hugs his son and says it's not true and he loves him very much.

This makes me uncomfortable because he should be the one here asking.

Quote:

Originally Posted by KDSolo1015

Her rules are that he has to go to her house when she says it's ok.

Where do either of you get the idea that her rules govern here. The rules set by the court govern here and if she is not abiding by the court order, then he goes back to court and asks them to enforce the order. If he has to show up Friday at 6 PM with a police officer to do so, then that's what he does. If he has to go back to court and ask that the court hold her in contempt then that's what he does. Just get it out of your head that she sets the rules here.

And I'm sure she said that about allowing overnights was BS. It is not up to her. If she believes he's a danger, then she needs to go back to court to change the visitation order. But as long as that order is in place, then he can and should enforce it.

As for terminating his rights, what you might have read is that a parent can relinquish their rights if a step parent wants to adopt. That part is true. Otherwise a parent can't just give up their rights. Only a court can issue a TPR, even if the parent wants to, and they will only do so to clear the way for an adoption. A court will never do so, to allow a parent out of paying support. So you can forget about his deciding to give up his rights. He doesn't have the right to make that decision.

Your husband doesn't have to follow the parenting plan. He can forego visits and even any contact with the child, but he will have to continue to pay support.

What he needs to do is fight for his child. Go back to the court and show that she is not following the court order. Ask that he be given primary custody. That may scare her enough. Unfortunately there are plenty of vindictive women who use a child to get back at a man who left them. I'm sure your husband was hurt by what his son told him. But I'm more interested in what he said and did in response.