Ask Me Help Desk - Why no sex with boyfriend in a year?

I need some advice even though I know the obvious answers. It just helps hearing it from someone else. I'm in denial about my relationship with my boyfriend.

I'm in my early twenties and we have been together almost two years. We moved out together last year but not because we planned to but because he had to move out and couldn't afford rent himself. So I felt pressured and moved out.

Anyway as soon as we moved in together we stopped having sex and it's been a year now. I enjoy his company and don't want to hurt him by leaving. I feel uncomfortable asking him why we don't have sex anymore, and I feel like a part of me wouldn't want to anyway. I have no where to go and sometimes I wish I could just leave one day so I don't have to face his broken heart. But a part of me is content here and comfortable. I'm just really confused.

All in all I sometimes wish I hadn't moved out with him. I need advice?

How old are you two?

Why do you feel uncomfortable talking about your sex life with your boyfriend and possible future mate? An old saying, If you can't talk about sex your shouldn't be having it.

First off you need to figure out why his libido is low. Is it the stress of trying to figure out how to stay in your home? IE, money/job/food concerns? Is it exhaustion? Is it something else. You need to talk to him.

Without knowing why it is REALLY hard to tell you what is happening or offer any advice.

This is what my gut says:
1). You moved in together for the wrong reason. You didn't do it because your relationship is at that level, but because two incomes were needed. That happens but can be remedied.
2). You moved from the honeymoon period of your sex life to the sustaining period. Gone from F**king like bunnies to Friday night F**k. That's also life. It shouldn't go to zero but a few times a week to a few times a month is relatively normal.
3). His libido is naturally low, or at least naturally lower than yours.
4). There are some mitigating circumstances that's causing his libido to be so low. Stress, exhaustion, nagging, substance abuse, health issues, physchological/emotional issues. There is a long list.

I am almost thinking that you should up and leave. It isn't doing you any good nor is it doing him any good. But I think this might be salvageable, you need to get more information before you make a rash choice. Either choice, staying or leaving, is rash if you don't have the right information. One side you could throw away something that is fixable or you could stay in something that isn't.

If you can't talk about sex, then you better learn. It's disturbing that you haven't learned to communicate honestly in a year but you seem to be good room mates. It could be worse. You could have no where to go but hate your room mate.

Regardless start talking.

We are both almost mid twenties. The first year was great and now it's like we don't talk about anything anymore . He should make an initiative too. Maybe it's time to go our separate ways or have a break and think about whether we should be together or not? I don't know, I just don't want to waste my youth, you know? It's really complicated and I feel like the only way to really know is to leave. My previous boyfriend, all we did was have sex and the whole relationship was based on that, and I don't want that again. It was a terrible experience to love someone only for them to want sex and be sleeping around with other women. So maybe that is why I am comfortable here lol.

Talk and MAKE it better and leave if it doesn't work. Leave if you don't even want to try.

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say for him the fire in the relationship went out...

He still likes you but he's not in love with you... and he doesn't know how to deal with it.

Preface: I had written half of this yesterday. I am not sure if anything has been posted since I last looked at this. I am sorry if I step on toes.

Quote:

Originally Posted by amster22104

We are both almost mid twenties. The first year was great and now it's like we don't talk about anything anymore .

Red flag number one. This is a huge one, like something the statue of liberty would fly.

Quote:

Originally Posted by amster22104

He should make an initiative too. Maybe it's time to go our separate ways or have a break and think about whether we should be together or not?

People tend to take relationships for granted. If it is just there and you don't really need to work at it, then a person will stay there as much as possible. They're not alone but still single at the same time. There are a bunch of people who get into that type of relationship.

It is also this "Being with someone, no matter how bad it is, is better than being alone" mentality is also an excuse to hang on and if the other doesn't like it then they're the one that can leave. It's breaking up with out having it do it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by amster22104

I don't know, I just don't want to waste my youth, you know? It's really complicated and I feel like the only way to really know is to leave.

Oh you're cute. Youth is meant to be wasted. That is how you figure yourself out and what you want in life. What do you want? The other thing you should look at is that you don't need to stay because you've invested time already. This is a lesson that a stoke broker will teach you. Never judge the performance of a stoke, or a relationship, based on previous performance. There is no guarantee that previous performance is indicative of future performance.

Don't get into the trap thinking that because you have history that you need to stay. If you're not happy then you need to either change things or leave. Simple as that.

Quote:

Originally Posted by amster22104

My previous boyfriend, all we did was have sex and the whole relationship was based on that, and I don't want that again. It was a terrible experience to love someone only for them to want sex and be sleeping around with other women. So maybe that is why I am comfortable here lol.

You are going from one extreme to the other. Not in a good way either. There is a happy medium, it just takes a while to get there. The previous boy had his own issues. Which is why he is a previous boy.