My 17 yr old is a Jr in High School & "accidentally" got pregnant. She wants to keep the baby, but it is bi-racial & all her grandparents are prejudicial. Her step-dad, her dad & I believe it would be best for the baby to be put up for adoption so that it won't feel unwanted in the rest of the family. Any suggestions? She & I just found out she was pregnant about a month ago & she is 5½ months along. She had no symptoms nor was showing until about 2 weeks ago.

The decision to keep the child ultimately lies with the child's mother, even if the mother is a child herself. If she wants to keep the baby, then I suggest you work with her grandparents and others in the family that you are concerned about.

I work with a young girl who was 15 when she had her bi-racial baby. Her family sounds very similar to the one that you are describing. Once the baby was born, it did not matter what color the mother, father, grandma, grandpa were (as well it shouldn't, but that is my opinion). All that mattered is that there was a healthy happy baby. The baby and the mom are still doing well now 2 years later. The baby is fully accepted by everyone in the family. And because of this child, those who had misconcieved notions on race before, now understand that it is not the color of the skin that makes the person, it is what is inside that matters.

So big flip if the grandparents are not happy, what about the girls parents? And in the end the girl, by the time the baby is old enough to know what jerks the grandparents are, the girl will be out on her own.

1. of course no one accidentally gets pregnant, it is not like you fall down and opps it happened, you have sex unprotected and you get pregnant, so she made a rational choice like 1000's do that they will take that risk.

2. there are millions of wonderful bi-racial children in this world and most grandparents will change their tune when a wonderful baby is there, if not, who cares break off contact with the jerks and you will be better off for it, ( sorry but there is no room in this world for racists and people who will support them over their own children)

So my suggestion is that you support and help your daughter and her baby and have less to do with the "racists" that are not in touch with reality. And of course you can go to the bible and show where Moses had a black wife of course and merely tell them its bibical if they are spouting some religious blabber about races.

So I would say that you are all wrong and that the 17 year old at this point is showing more common sense than the rest of you.

*** Sorry but I can't stand it when people are not showing any love and common sense over what racist people believe.

This may seem rude, but Im very opinionated on this subject. Ultimately, it is your daughters decision, but I know that teenagers in the position are easily persuaded into things they might not agree with... I think it is wrong to "baby" your grandparents/parents prejudicial behavior just to avoid some type of confrontation. This is how the world works in today's day and time. There are many races, most have the same rights as everyone else. There is absolutely nothing wrong with bi-racial people. I think that the older generations need to get over themseles and accept things how they are. Not that Im saying you shouldn't give the baby up for adoption because your daughter is too young, I think she is too young, and probably unable to properly care for a child, but please don't give up a beautiful child who is your flesh and blood, just because you aren't fond of its pedigree. When your daughter is older and has other children later in life, how will she explain to this child if it comes looking for her, or to her other children for that matter, that her family didn't want this child because it wasn't a pure race. You should love a child for being a child, not for its ethnicity. That is just my opinon, but I think you should think about what you are doing... I'll pray for your family.

If you pressure your daughter into adoption for something as stupid as "the child won't look the same as the rest of the family so they might not accept it", then look forward to a lifetime of your daughter hating and resenting you.

Adoption is a hard enough decision to cope with when going into it willingly and with your eyes open. For someone who isn't fully willing, it's devasting, and can lead to lifelong problems and possible suicide.

I suggest you get your daughter to a counselor who specializes in teen pregnancies/adoption and also get her to someone who can counsel her on what parenting would detail. No offense, but she needs to talk to someone OUTSIDE of your family, someone qualified to help her make that decision on her own.

As for the baby's grandparents---tell them to shove it. There's no place in today's society for racism.

Just to add to what everyone else has said I think that it would be wrong for you to force her to adopt out her child because it's a mixed child. This is a true story:
I use to work with an older lady and her great granddaughter when her great granddaughter got pregnant it was by a male of a different race so she didn't want to tell her Great Grandmother or her parents cause they were racist but when the baby got here they changed there tune and the great grandmother was very excited and telling everyone and showing pics, so if your daughter wants to keep her baby you should let her it'll be tough finishing school and supporting a child but with the right support behind her she will do fine.

Thank you for your input. I support any decision she makes, I just am worried about the rest of the family members. She has not told anyone outside her dad & step-dad except for friends. Not even her brother, even though she knows she should. I am just thinking about the region we live in because mixed children have a harder time being accepted in society.

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Originally Posted by goldenfire

My 17 yr old is a Jr in High School & "accidentally" got pregnant. She wants to keep the baby, but it is bi-racial & all her grandparents are prejudicial. Her step-dad, her dad & I believe it would be best for the baby to be put up for adoption so that it won't feel unwanted in the rest of the family. Any suggestions? She & I just found out she was pregnant about a month ago & she is 5½ months along. She had no symptoms nor was showing until about 2 weeks ago.

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This is her baby and it should be her choice. Do you really want her to go through life resenting you her parents because you have issues. What happens when she is older and decides to have another baby and it is bi-racial also. Should she give that one up to because your family is racist.
I am white and i personaly can't satnd racism. Your family should accept this child and if they can't deal with it then they should not be in the child's life. That is still your grand child are you that ignorent that you can't you can't accept and love this child because of the color of it's skin. I hope not. Racism has been programmed into your mind since you were a child and you can change that. i'm sorry if i sound harsh i'm not trying to offend you.

I would support adoption but not because of racial issues. I believe children deserve two mature parents who are committed to one another and are able to support themselves. However, this is not a decision you can make for her. I agree with the previous poster who said to seek counseling outside your family

I guess the real question to you is: are you willing to support and help raise this child? Unless she is quitting and school, I suspect you will carry a large portion in the expense and care giving of this child.

Good luck to you.

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Originally Posted by goldenfire

Thank you for your input. I support any decision she makes, I just am worried about the rest of the family members. She has not told anyone outside her dad & step-dad except for friends. Not even her brother, even though she knows she should. I am just thinking about the region we live in because mixed children have a harder time being accepted in society.

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I also live in a pretty racist area where having mixed children is a sin so to speak but I still think that as long as you guys will be there for her and your grandchild they can overcome the racist issues they may need to face later. WHAT ABOUT THE FATHER IS HE GOING TO BE THERE FOR HER AND THE CHILD HE HELPED BRING INTO THE WORLD?

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Originally Posted by goldenfire

My 17 yr old is a Jr in High School & "accidentally" got pregnant. She wants to keep the baby, but it is bi-racial & all her grandparents are prejudicial. Her step-dad, her dad & I believe it would be best for the baby to be put up for adoption so that it won't feel unwanted in the rest of the family. Any suggestions? She & I just found out she was pregnant about a month ago & she is 5½ months along. She had no symptoms nor was showing until about 2 weeks ago.

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My daughter is bi racial. No one accepted me being pregnant with my now husbands bi racial child. Family see my husband as a part of the family and they come to see my daughter every day. Im proud to say that most people are acceptant of us. These days a lot of people look over the fact that a child is mixed. I'm really starting to see a lot of it around. Good luck with your decision. Do what's best for the baby and your daughter. They will both be extremely important to you no matter what.

It is terrible that people would condem a child for being bi-racial. Did that child ASK to be bi-racial? No.

This was not a choice the child made and should not be treated any different than any other human being.

People like this just infuriate me.

This one tugs at my heart strings as my children are bi-racial. It is not the people around you that you need to worry about, but your attitude and how you see life that is going to make this child beautiful and strong. I became pregnant at 19 and had my son at 20. At the time I was living with my mother and my father was living in another state. He came down just to talk to me and my parents tried to convince me to have an abortion. It just didn't feel right to me. I knew in my heart I needed to have this baby and raise it on my own. Of course I knew it would be difficult, but you really don't know until you actually have one and it doesn't matter how old you are, having children is a tough but rewarding job. While at work and three months pregnant, my grandmother walked up to me in front of customers and said "you do not need to have this baby, you need to have an abortion, and your baby will never be accepted in society" For my mother, I went to an adoption agency to discuss those options at 7 1/2 months pregnant (knowing I would not give him up, but I went just to make her happy). That very evening my water broke, and the next day my beautiful son was born. A couple of days later my mom came to visit him in the hospital as his lungs were not fully developed, and all she had to do was put her little finger next to his-he grabbed on and she hasn't let go since. Needless to say my grandparents are completely accepting of my son now who is 12 years old and even though we have are differences it just doesn't matter because you love your family no matter what. If they didn't accept him-so be it-there loss. My son is a smart, strong, beautiful, caring, very athletic and is very happy to be in this world. His teacher just nominated him to be a delegate in a distinguished leadership acadmey. So like I said before, of course you should be aware of racism around you but to me it just makes my son and I better people because we are focused on our future and learning how to love and respect the world we live in no matter what obstacles we face. :) And that should go for everyone.

I am wholeheartedly upset. My kids are bi-racial. Who the hell cares if the kid is? It sounds like you don't want it and you are just making excuses. Why would you want to give your grandchildren up just because of "the grandparents" or who ever doesn't approve. All that babe wants to know is that it has love from its mom, and from the way it sounds, your daughter already loves it because otherwise she wouldn't want to keep it. My father is a racist prick and so is ALL of my husbands side, except his siblings and mom and dad. And I don't give a flying duck! If you cared about this baby it wouldn't even had came across your mind to put it up for adoption. You should be ashamed of yourself! EVERYONE goes through people picking on them or someone not liking them. http://i49.photobucket.com/albums/f2...ngPicture7.jpghttp://i49.photobucket.com/albums/f2...a/HPIM0147.jpg

To tell you the truth, you're daughter should keep her baby. If she wans it, she should keep it. Yes, it's bi-racial, but why would you want to make her give up her baby? But, if she keeps it, she & you're family will realize that her having this baby will only make her stronger. Don't make her decisions for her. She's going to be legal by her next birthday, it's time she makes some decisions, especially one like this, by herself.:)

She should keep the baby, the problem with adoption is that it totally excludes the birth parent. You both will regret not having the baby around, for a long time. People who are out to dislike someone will find something or another wrong to look down on. Not many people can resist a cute baby.

Perhaps a beautiful baby is just what the grandparents need to challenge their predjudices.

Wel I would like to ask you 1 question.

First of all if this baby was not bi-racial would you accept it?

I think it is rather upsetting to think that you would consider urging you daughter to give this baby up for adoption due to the colour of its skin. Is it not also your daughter blood which runs through this baby's viens? It should not matter what other people's point of view is towards this "bi-racial" baby, if your daughter wants it then it is her choice and as her mother you should support her in everyway possible with her choice.

I hope I have been some insite to people reading.

Annabelle

My best friend through diapers to parenting had very racist parents. I was lucky to have my mom who taught me that color doesn't matter. My friend grew up with me and even though her parents where determined that 'blacks were the devil'(not my opinion at all) she wasn't racist. She and I had great friends that neither of us would give up for the world that were black or married black people and had beautiful children; they have brightened our lives. Our friends knew that her parents were racist but they also knew that we loved them as they were. I think what helped the most was that my mom told her parents they could believe what they wanted but not to speak about it in front of me or her. Don't let that be the reason that you have to say goodbye to your gradchild before you even know him/her. I know you'll just fall in love with your grandchild the moment you see him/her and so will your parents, children have a way of changing your opinion.

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Originally Posted by goldenfire

Thank you for your input. I support any decision she makes, I just am worried about the rest of the family members. She has not told anyone outside her dad & step-dad except for friends. Not even her brother, even though she knows she should. I am just thinking about the region we live in because mixed children have a harder time being accepted in society.

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Who cares what the rest of the family thinks, or maybe deep inside you feel the same way but do not want to reveal it.

Daughter needs to decide to keep the baby for herself and screw the rest of the family. It is them not having the baby or raising the baby.

Another thing my grandparents are exactly the same way but I speak up against it and I think that in that only aspect they are jerk offs and they need to know that colour or race does not matter and should not matter and if they did not want to be part of a bi racial baby then they can go ---- themselves. It is there loss.

Joe