Hello, I'm new to this site, so please bare with me! I just turned 25, I have a 5 1\2 year old and 3 1\2 year old twins, I have been with my husband for going on 8 years and have been married almost 4. My husband is super, insecure, super controlling, and lately super psycho! Over the past year he has had substance abuse problems, from drinking to drugs, neither of which I do. I tried to get him to go to AA/NA and marrige counciling, none of which he agreed to do. About 6 months ago, I told him that I was not dealing with it anymore, and personally I put together a 6 month plan. I have followed though with my 6 month plan except for the biggest step. LEAVING! Since then he has cut out completely the drugs, and is now only drinking on the weekend. I have never straid from my husband, but for some reason he is insecure. I have friends, a girl needs her friends, it has gotten so bad that he has starting fighting with them. Most of my friends I have known since childhood. They won't call me after 4 when he gets home! He has become increasingly more verbally abusive with me, and lately physically. Pushing and shoving. My home takes the brunt of his frustration. He belittles me in front of my children, cussing, and yelling at me. I just clam up, and cry. For a while I really thought that it was me, so I made myself sick trying to do everything, he tells me if I just do what he tells me to when he tells me to do it everything will be fine. He gets angry over the littlest things, like if I forget out set the coffee pot at night for him in the morning.He feels that I being his wife should go to bed with him every night (at 8) because he doesn't like going to bed alone. Also that we have to have sex every night!I can't do it every night. I almost don't want hiim to touch me anymore, that might be strange but, I don't. He feels that since he has to be up at 4am to go to work, I shouldn't be sleeping in until 6 when the kids get up. Or I don't have the entire house clean everyday when he gets home. My kids toys have to be cleaned up when he gets home.. even if they are still playing. I can not go out of the house with out his approvial, even if its to go somewhere with the kids, or a family member. If I'm in the basement doing laundry during the day, and don't get to the phone he calls back time after time until I answer, or he leaves nasty messages. I get up to go to the bathroom, and he askes where I'm going. FORGET a girls night out, I'll fight with him for a week ahead of time. If I do get a chance to get out, even to go to target, I will get at least 10 calls from him asking where I am and when I will be home. I am becoming more afraid of him, and his actions. He yells at out children all the time, instead of asking them to clean up, he yells at them. They are scared of him too. My oldest told me the other day that I need to find a new man, and my yongest on the same day asked me if I had to go into a time out, because I didn't do what daddy said. :( I have been trying to not let him get to me, and stand up for myself, but he doesn't back down. It just makes him more mad, then things really get out of control. He told me that if we fight, I will not win, so I might as well shut my mouth and go to sleep. I am a very passive person, a pushover. I know what I need to do, its just a matter of doing it. I need to be happy, I want to be happy. I don't want my kids growing up in an environment like this and then to end up feeling the way I feel everyday. How do I stand up for what I know is right, for myself and my children to protect us. How do I leave, and how do I stay away for good. I have tried in the past, and it never stuck. He tells me to leave, then when I try to, he says I'm not taking the kids, liked I'd leave withouth them. Or that he will kill himself, so I just come back. He tells me if I DO leave that I will not get anything from him, no help financially with the kids, nothing, since he works and I don't, everything is his, and I don't deserve anything. I hope someone can help me! Sorry I started to ramble! I just need some outside advise! Thank you!

Get a lawyer and then get a divorce.

I understand how you feel. No one deserves to be physically or mentally abused. If you stay, it will have a negative effect on the kids. They are miserable as well as you are. I would get out before things really get out of control.

You seem a smart woman...

Pack your bags and leave.

You have two children.
They need you.

Somebody who has been using drugs/alcohol... physical/mental abuse...
Not good.

Leave.
You are 25, you have a whole life ahead... make something good out of it, you can do it.

All the best !

Wait until he goes to work. Pack up the kids, and go to a woman's shelter. They can help you get back on your feet, and he can't hurt you anymore. I wish you luck.

What are you waiting for? Pack your bags, pack the kids' bags and disappear and don't dare let him know where you are. Then call the craftiest divorce lawyer you can find. You have no right as a mother to keep your kids in this dangerous, abusive situation so you've got to get them out now as it is your job to protect your kids. If a state agency ever got wind of the abusive situation that exists in your home the kids could be taken away and placed in foster care. You certainly don't want that to happen so get out of there now.

Get out now and never look back, think about your kids, you don't need this, so move on, and start over, and remember to make each day count for you kids sake.

Your scenario honestly sounds exactly like mine did 5 years ago. It took me 6 years to wise up to his actions. He never hit me, shoved me once, belittled me and screamed at me in front of the kids (we have 2 girls together) talked down to them even when they wouldn't come to him when he called, they were afraid of him! He was insecure, made me change the way I did my hair and the way I dressed, thought I was cheating on him if it took me an hour to get home from the store when it should have only taken 25 minutes (ya run into people!) Always made me have sex, same thing you're going through, to the point where I didn't want him to touch me. He still, to this day, can't understand why I left him. He's a sick man and needed help. I am SO happy that I finally got the courage to leave. Lucky for me though I had a great support system, My Mom. And as for him saying that if you leave you won't get anything... He is as crazy as he sounds! You're married, they're his children, correct? Well then if so, there is such thing as alimony and child support. DON'T do what I did and just leave, I left the house and didn't file for alimony or support. I wish now that I would've made him leave and got the house and all. Leave him. For you and your babies. You can do better.. Regardless of what he says. He's a sick man and he's going to keep doing these things and saying those words that make you feel worthless unless you stand up for yourself and do what you know you should. Good luck hun.

You Can Do Better!

Your husband is a control freak! He is probably worse since he stopped using drugs. The drugs and the drinking are only a symptom of his many physcological problems. I think that you and your children are in a very dangerous situation esp. if he has began to push and shove, it is only a matter of time before he starts to hit you. While he is at work please call a domestic abuse hotline and explain your situation to them. If he leaves at 5 in the morning do it before the kids get up so that you can thoroughly explain the situation to them. Be totally honest do not leave out anything. Do not be ashamed. Believe me they have heard everything that you have been through and more. Call this number it is manned 24/7 1-800-799-7233. It will not show up on your phone bill. Also there will be a log of any calls that you made and could be useful in court if ever you need them. His abuse should be documented by you or someone else. That can go along way toward getting the justice that you deserve. One thing that I will say, everyone can help you , but you have to be willing to help yourself. Do not let this man continue to kill the spirit of you and your children. Good luck

Leave. If he kills himself so be it. You don't need him. There are government programs for people like you to get back on your feet. I am usually against all the government help but people like you really need it. Staying with him will have permanent damage on your kids. You and your children deserve better. Take the leap. You can make it.

I totally know how you feel you are describing my husband exactly. I have been trying to leave for two years but have not mustered up the courage...

All Of The Above!!