I'm 19 years old and I have been dating my boyfriend for a year now. My boyfriend is 25 years old. My parents hate him with a passion; they refuse to talk, look even acknowledge he is there. My parents have recently started calling him "that thing." And the things they have said is "If I go with him we will be nothing but White Trailer trash and that i will never get to go to college with him being my boyfriend"

He hasn't done anything wrong even my friends that was there watching believe that he hasn't done anything wrong. He also encourages me to go to college and supports me in anything I want to do and he finds my obsession with Asian things adorable

My parents have hated him from the start thanks to my older sister who kept telling them crap about him that isn't true. It was all stuff from high school that his Friend did not my boyfriend. My boyfriend has been nice to my sister even when she'd just yell at him and he'd take it and not say anything mean back to her.
I want to move in with him because I'm tired of being in the center of the two. Justin (boyfriend) Doesn't pressure me on anything and doesn't want me to go against my parents but as of recent it's really started hurting him and I hate it. But my parents openingly admit if I leave this house to live with him they will never talk to me again and that hurts all on it's own because they are pitting me against my boyfriend and I can't handle it anymore. I seriously love him and I know you may not believe me but I've never connected to anyone like him before and I just can't stop smiling and having fun even if we're doing nothing when around him. While with my parents I'm depressed and don't even want to look at them because they treat me like a prisoner in my own home and I miscarried from how stressed they had got me. Sure they didn't know yet that I was pregnant but I miscarried from how stressed out they got me. They also said that if I try and leave they will take my car from me (they cosigned for it) and I really need car to go to college and work

I'm a very private and quite person that has never been good at talking with them because of how they have treated me my whole life and now I'm severely uncomfortable talking to them.

I need advice on how to tell them that I'm moving in with my boyfriend.

I'm going to college and I have my own job to pay for college and my car that I recently bought. Justin says he'll let me use his car and he'd get a ride home from work but that just isn't far to him because we both work hard and we both want to make each other happy and be with each other but this is putting so much stress on us and he tried to make it all better by little things he does for me but the way my parents have been treating him is stressing me so much and I'm so upset.

What should I do and how do I tell my parents I'm moving in with him?

Talk to your parents in private tell them what really happened and say how your boyfriend treats you right and accepts the way you are and ask if they can be happy for you

I doubt they will ever accept him. Many parents are so old school that they form their opinion and stick to it. Have they told you constructive criticism of what they do not like about him? Maybe you should start with finding that out if you don't know already what they do not like about him other than what your sister has said.
After that if they are still standing firm on their decision to not accept him and hold onto their choice of pretty much disowning you, you need to look at your 2 options of dropping your boyfriend and going with their plan for your life or else figuring out how you and your boyfriend are going to make it together without them. Sounds like you have already been looking at how you can make it without them. Just make sure your ideas will work.
In time, your parents may come around to accepting him so in the meantime you do not want to make it an issue or argue with them. Just state what your plans are as you are ready to do them. When you do leave tell them that you are available if and when they want to talk or visit, but you are not going to impose on them against their wishes.

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Originally Posted by N0help4u

I doubt they will ever accept him. Many parents are so old school that they form their opinion and stick to it. Have they told you constructive criticism of what they do not like about him? Maybe you should start with finding that out if you don't know already what they do not like about him other than what your sister has said.
After that if they are still standing firm on their decision to not accept him and hold onto their choice of pretty much disowning you, you need to look at your 2 options of dropping your boyfriend and going with their plan for your life or else figuring out how you and your boyfriend are going to make it together without them. Sounds like you have already been looking at how you can make it without them. Just make sure your ideas will work.
In time, your parents may come around to accepting him so in the meantime you do not want to make it an issue or argue with them. Just state what your plans are as you are ready to do them. When you do leave tell them that you are available if and when they want to talk or visit, but you are not going to impose on them against their wishes.

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Every time I try to talk to them about him they refuse to even talk. I mean Justin treats me like a princess to the point that it doesn't bug me. Because he wants me to do what makes me happy whether that be working going to school or just being at home playing games. He doesn't care as long as I'm happy. He even helped me pay for this semesters classes for my goal because I didn't have enough money to pay for the classes and my parents wouldn't help me out at all

They don't want to talk about him at all and if I even bring them up they lock me in my room to the point that I can't even come out to go to the bathroom. I've tried everything to get them to talk and tell me why. I can't get anything out of them on why they dislike him so much.

Justin has literally done so many things to get them to like him. He's bought them stuff that they needed to make dinner one of the nights (before they completely banished him from their sight) one a night that he came over even helped me wash the pans that was used to cook with. When my parents would ask for help on doing things he'd instantly help them.

I don't want them to disown me but Justin is the one that makes me happy while my parents are and have been making me miserable for the past 3 to 4 months over the way they have been treating me and him.

I'm not telling them I had been pregnant because I'm not anymore I had only been 6 weeks in when I miscarried and I only found out a week before I did. I don't see a point in adding fuel to the strongly lite fire to give them an actual reason to hate him. I mean every time Justin was around my parents I was sitting right next to him listening and he never said anything wrong. After they "started" hating him he tried to talk to them but my parents threatened to have him arrested for harassment even though it was only one phone call to them and then they called me 7 times left voice mails screaming at me and it made me start crying.

You are 19 it looks like you need to go make a life for yourself.

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Originally Posted by N0help4u

You are 19 it looks like you need to go make a life for yourself.

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You have a suggestion on how to tell them?

Hey mom, dad I moved out. In your situation since they are so hard I don't see what you can say or do safely.

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Originally Posted by Izza

You have a suggestion on how to tell them?

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There's no easy way. You simply tell them you're doing it. Fact is, you're legally an adult, you are allowed to move out, they can't stop you.

Doesn't mean they'll like it, or be okay with it, but hopefully you and your boyfriend can prove them wrong about what they think about him.

So just tell them you're moving out, that you love them, but it's time for you to make a life for yourself, with the man you love, and you're hoping they can accept that, even if they're not happy about it.

It's puzzling that you even feel you need advice on how to tell them. I don't get why you are still at home. They really lock you in your room and don't let you go to the bathroom? That just doesn't make sense - you are in school and you have a job, so when exactly do they lock you in, and why didn't you leave the first time that happened?

It sounds like you are a 'prisoner' in their home because you are afraid to let go of their financial support for things like the car. Is it your car or isn't it? Who co-signed is irrelevant. Can you really pay for college and a car and living on your own with him? Have you actually worked out the numbers?

If you have, and if you own the car and put down the downpayment and made all the payments, and pay the insurance, and owe your parents nothing financially, then don't say anything. Pack your bags when they are asleep and walk out the door.

I think you are conflicted. You spend a lot of time telling us how wonderful this guy is instead of telling us how you will live away from home. Oh - and you got pregnant. Not a sign of thinking things through, either one of you.

Yes she is conflicted. My parents had a hold on me until I was in my mid 20's so I know how she feels she owes them an explanation rather than just doing it. Thing is that they will always have that control until you breaks the ties. Only way to do that is escape when they aren't watching. If you 'tell them' before you do it or as you are leaving it is going to be very ugly.

What does Justin do. Does he have a good relationship with his parents? Have you met his parents, and his friends?

You must have some idea of why they dislike him, other than what your sister has said about his high school years.

Another way to look at this is through their eyes. What do you think they see when they look at him.

And consider too that they may come around. Maybe if you can get your parents and him and you to sit and talk. Tell them, even in a letter, that you just need to talk things through. Not fight or scream or yell, but just talk. Give them one opportunity to speak their minds, and see if you can't come to some sort of understanding in a mature way.

That you were pregnant, would have forever put a wedge into your relationship with them, and would affect your plans in ways you can't imagine, should you have produced a baby in 9 months time.

You have only known him for 12 short months. Had it been three or four years and you were on the verge of graduating college, and had a good job lined up, leaving home and leaving your parents, would have been a logical choice.

Just be sure that you aren't so in love that you are blind. To completely abandon your family, jump into an entirely different world, without being able to first reach a point where you can survive on your own, let alone with another person, seems premature to me.