I have used this website once long ago when I was going through issues with my son's mom cheating.. well turns out I'm seeking more help. :( So.. I met a gal through a friend of mine that told me what a great gal her friend was that I was asking about.. turns out she was right. We went on our first date a little over a month ago and literally sparks flew the first night where we made out for hours in my car.. this isn't something I would normally ever do and it was pretty crazy how it started. We instantly became best of friends.. hanging out all the time, going hiking in the mountains, constant snuggling.. we were around each other 24x7 when my son wasn't with me and she would join us to go to the lake etc. and my son called her his friend because she constantly played with him.

After a month of things going awesome, I was going to take her to Santa Barbara last weekend to my families vacation house and out of no where she told me she had some financial issues where she had to pay wells fargo by Saturday or it was going to go on her credit.. I explained in text that I didn't feel comfortable talking about finances.. and she responded back that she would help me if I was in need and can't believe I didn't even offer. I took that as she wanted me to financially help her when all the women I've dated in the past including my sons mom would have expected me to just fork out money.. we then got into a bit of an argument because she thought I wouldn't even acknowledge that she was in a tough situation and she just wanted me to be like.. well lets see how we can get you on track to work through it. I took it more as she was a money hungry gal just like all the others I've dated. Since then she has been very distant to me and as of the other day told me she needs time to herself.

She has been struggling with an eating disorder in which was in a facility care a few months ago which I've been trying to help her with, she quit her job to handle that which her dr. wanted her to do, and now she is telling me we are too different, she needs time to figure out her own stuff, and she thinks we obviously became very close so fast for a reason but she isn't going to tell me I can't date others even though it would kill her. She sends me texts with frown faces which makes me wonder what is going through her head.. she started taking birth control after a few weeks of us dating and we did get intimate and I'm confused as all hell where this is coming from. I have not had my luck with women from my sons mom.. to my last 2yr relationship ending after finding out my girlfriend at the time was poking holes in my condoms when I explained I was thinking of getting fixed. :/

Anyway, if anyone has any imput on my current situation I'd like to hear it. She says she wants to be friends, doesn't want to lose me and maybe she just needs space to figure things out.. I ask her why and she says we are just so different. I asked her if this is permanent or if its temporary and she says she doesn't know but right now she needs her space and she's not going to be unfair and tell me not to date even though it would hurt her..

Poking holes in condoms? Wow, you know how to pick them. :)

As for the current relationship you both moved way too fast. You really didn't know each other that well and after a month you want to introduce her to family. Back the truck up.

You need to get to know a girl before committing with both feet and head first. This girl has quite a bit of baggage which you would have known about had you gotten to know her before letting yourself be gaga over her. You totally did the right thing about the finances. She could have, a mind you I say only could have, been setting you up from the beginning to get your monies. It is possible. So stick to your guns on that one. Make sure she likes you for you and not for your wallet.

Two huge turnoffs for me are emotional baggage and game playing. This could be a blessing in disguise. So move cautiously and slowly from this point forward. And keep your other options open.

I understand.. way to fast. My really good friend has a son that is about 10 now and this gal was the step mom to her kid for 6 years in which my friend had nothing but good things to say about her because of how she treated her son. The issue was she was dating her ex husband whom had lambos, Ferraris, his own private jet, a rolls Royce phantom.. etc. The guy got into drugs so she left him and that life she had with him which said a lot about her I thought so I didn't really think it was about the $$. And wasn't going to introduce her to family.. my fam has a place in santa Barbara for vacation.. I was just going to take the two of us. Idk.. I got pretty attached pretty quick and it makes no sense to me that she says she misses my face etc. but needs this break. Very strange..

Maybe you both need a break, a restart, or a different direction. When you rush a relationship it is doomed to fail, in my opinion. I dated my current partner for 2.5 years along with dating others, until I decided to be exclusive. You can't commit your life, your feelings, your everything until you know that person and know that person well. Some guys feel lost without a relationship. Maybe you are just one of those guys. But go slow for your own well being.

Definitely not one of those guys.. when I ended it with my last ex, I swore up and down I didn't want another girlfriend for years yet alone ever get married.. then after months went by I met this one and well.. now I am where I am. Lol.

Also recognizing spending time with anyone 24/7 is not healthy and it leads to draining the fun out of the relationship. You still need some of your own friends and activities to have fun away from her. In my relationship we both kept our own friends and are own activities. It keeps the relationship fresh.

Well.. I'm back. Lol. So the ex that I kicked out for poking the holes is pregnant.. thank god only 8 weeks so I am safe by a 3 months... As for this other one.. I just don't know what to do. She tells me she can't be with me because she doesn't see a future and wants to be friends later but not right now. She told me she went on a date because I made her upset by asking her why she would ask me what my house and car is worth.. which I did think was strange and how she wanted to go on a trip to mexico.. yet literally just got a job 2 weeks ago after months off for her eating disorder. I'm not sure what my issue is but I can't seem to stop thinking about her. :(

I think she's a liar and manipulator. I do not believe her doctor told her to quit her job, first of all. No therapeutic reason to do that. Maybe take leave for in patient treatment, but not after the treatment... that would just take healthy structure and security out of her life. I don't believe she necessarily has an eating disorder or got treatment. I think she targeted you for money from the start. All these manufactured issues are designed to emotionally obligate you to take care of her financially. It is a grand manipulation and you cannot have a real relationship with such a person. There are probably other men she is targeting as well.

It sounds like you (and your family) are well off financially, and you have attracted women who are out for your money. There's really not much to say except to continue to proceed with caution, as you have been, and if it means some heartbreak when you don't start bailing them out, then so be it. Find a woman with more money than you if you can't find a true blue one who genuinely likes you for who you are. And that takes a lot of skill. I knew a rich guy who worked as an orderly in a hospital and never spent a dime or said a peep. He met a nurse who loved him without knowing until they married.

Maybe you guys are right.. but she did go to therapy 7 days a week for a month back in April.. and she quit her job in march only because I know after helping her with her resume.. but that tells me she was out of work for 7 months and between that time, is living with her mom.. not working, she has a 22 yr old sister that doesn't work.. and they both live in a small house with mom and stepdad.. and they pay for everything for both of them.. and during her time she hasn't been working she was dating another guy I know that has a new Ferrari 430 and took her to Hawaii... we would have a few cocktails every night and watch movies and I had questioned her before why she can drink and go have drinks with the girls but not work.. I'm guessing I'm probably just an idiot? I don't know... my friends tell me I need a relationship shopper to find me a girl because I have terrible instincts. Lol.

"As for this other one..."

Are you noticing the possibility of an unhealthy pattern here? Maybe your standards for potential girlfriends needs to be raised above the Crazy & Drama Level. Don't let someone who might be very pretty on the outside be your only goal because someone very pretty on the outside might be very ugly on the inside. Beauty fades, but ugliness on the inside might be there forever.

And what is it about you that makes you have to be in a relationship all the time? You don't need to answer that question for me, but I think it would be helpful if you answered that question for you. It is okay to not be in a relationship until you find a decent girl.

'.. during her time she hasn't been working she was dating another guy I know that has a new Ferrari 430 and took her to Hawaii.. '
Don't you get it yet?
You are a magnet for girls who just want to get married or be supported.
Do you drive a 150K car and live in a million dollar condo, and go out for $25 drinks?

Your instinct are terrible, I agree, and you are an easy target for gold diggers who make out and get you hooked on the perfume. Pretty desperate for love is what I see. Leave the gold digger COMPLETELY alone my friend and wean yourself off the perfume.

You really have no clue of the difference between love and lust do you? Lust fades and love grows. To your credit though, at least you stopped the insanity when the lust is replaced by financial neediness. You were not fooled enough this time, so learn to date and have fun and cut that 24/7 lustfest out. Never waste time on a female with so many issues she can't work but can travel the world on your dime, and drink her a$$ off.

You give your heart too fast and at a very low price and are looking for love in all the wrong places. This female has so many red flags that you would have to be blind, or foolish to ignore them.

Ya, I do kind of feel like I am getting older and do want to settle down, but I honestly thought she may have been the one because of how caring she was off the beginning... of course all that attitude changed a lot from the beginning during the course... and no.. I don't drive a 100k car or live in a million dollar house. Lol. I am pretty well off which I did on my own but I am conservative and a saver.. I hope to retire at 40... so I don't like to spend a lot on trips etc. I did buy my sons mom a new bmw 750 at the time which she knew about but who knows. I feel like such an idiot because I see good in her but everyone else including you guys, friends and my lawyer tells me to quit picking flowers from the same field. :/ I also did let her have it when she told me the other day she was late with her period, went on a date with a new guy and it hadn't even been 2 weeks since we had hungout last. And when I mean let her have it, I stated how could you ask me these questions, live at your moms yet say how your mom needs to get out of her toxic relationship and she doesn't have the money to get more than a 2 bedroom apartment for her and her sister to live at with her.. I said how about you look out for your moms happiness and you and your sister get a job and move out so your mom only has to get a 1 bedroom.. or help her... and talked about how she can drink all the time, go on trips yet can't work? How she asks me for gas money..and shes 28 yrs old, tells me she wants a range rover when she has kids as her mommy car, wants her husband to pay for another boob job after kids, wants no less than a 2 ct ring, her husband is paying for the wedding because her parents are broke.. all of it was just insane... I had also brought up if I ever got married I'd have a prenup in one convo and I think that was when things changed... as my friends all said.. of course shes good looking and very nice.. if she wasn't nice she wouldn't be dating all these millioniares.. I guess there is some truth to that. Just because she was nice doesn't mean she wasn't a gold digger. I come from Idaho where there isn't really such a thing and girls aren't that way so I'm very niave and it seems to always get me in trouble here in California...

We aren't blinded by love or the need to settle down with a flooze. I mean damn, a female that quits her job and has financial emotional and personal problems may be a great make out buddy, but the one?

Get real, and keep it real.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by talaniman

We aren't blinded by love or the need to settle down with a flooze. I mean damn, a female that quits her job and has financial emotional and personal problems may be a great make out buddy, but the one?

Get real, and keep it real.

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LOL.. makeout? Hahaha I think it was the lust in the sack that kept me coming back... all honesty. That caring loving person that I saw in the beginning quickly vanished as time went on...

99% of us (women) are excellent actors.
Caring, loving, pretending to have orgasms, not wanting your money...
Just wanting to hear those 3 little words
NO
PRE
NUP
Yes, hire an old fashioned matchmaker.
You sound way too naïve and you sound like you don't learn quickly enough. Who brags to a new woman about buying his ex a BMW?

Trust me... I didn't brag first off.. I said I was thinking of selling the bmw.. she asked why and I was honest and said it was my sons mom's car and it has bad memories..

And thanks all for helping me see the light.. your all right, I just need to date and move on. I don't know why I got so wrapped up in a head case as I'm obviously a head case myself believing all this stuff I was told. I just want a low maintenance gal who has a good career and I don't have to worry about getting screwed over. Anyhow, thanks all for the help.. its good to get opinions of people that don't know me or the situation that way I can be fully honest with what has happened and get an honest opinion where as with friends, maybe you don't feel comfortable telling them everything and it can change the tone a bit.. this site is great and the people that take the time to help others through issues are awesome.

Josh Josh Josh my friend, Spend your time with those who love you unconditionally and not with those who love you only when the condition is right for them.

It seems the "conditions" were nearly right for her when she thought she was going to get a "bank bail out", an expensive house and car, and a wonderful trip to Mexico... but wait... oh the bank bail out didn't happen... so now the "site" of a "future" has conveniently disappeared and moved on to Hawaii and a new Ferrari 430.

You sound like a very nice individual my friend, so don't let someone like this destroy that.

I suggest you don't walk away, but rather, RUN as FAST as you can!