Why is it that now that I have finally begun to feel better since my breakup I find myself for some odd reason tempted to contact my ex for reasons other than wanting him back? He has a birthday coming up and I still am feeling guilty about refusing to be his friend (it sucks to be a nice person sometimes!). I know that the issue of wishing the ex a happy birthday has been discussed a lot here, and the answer is usually no, but I still find myself thinking about it. Why is that?

It has been 4 months since I last had any communication with my ex at all, and though I was completely devastated after our last conversation, since then I have been working on myself, reading a lot, focusing on improving my career, my friendships, my health (eating right, working out, etc), pursuing my interests.

I don't want to hear back from him if I do wish a happy birthday to him. I would do it via email. I know that the last thing I want is to hear is about him and the girl he dumped me for and how "sorry" he is for hurting me once again. I just wonder if it would make me feel better to send him a short "happy birthday, no hard feelings" email. Not worded like that of course, lol, but something short and nice. It's almost as if I want to send something to alleviate my guilt for refusing to speak to him. Geez. Most likely I won't send anything, but it has been on my mind. Someone talk some sense into me, please.

If he left you for another girl, I don't think that you need to feel guilty at all. He ended the relationship, and in doing so accepts the consequences that you no longer wish to communicate with him.

I think that you feel bad because you have feelings for him as a person - you don't want to be disrespectful. Maybe you should consider how you felt when he left you to pursue another interest?

It seems unfair that you are feeling guilty for something you did not cause. Personally, I feel that if you want to send him a birthday email, that is fine - but Don't do it because you feel guilty. You have no reason to feel guilty.

Hi southernbelle, I had the same dilema a few weeks ago, but I'm so glad I didn't send any communication, I think it would have been detrimental to my healing.

I know these hurdles hurt, my ex is getting married this week, but I'm alive & kicking with lots to celebrate. Keep smiling and next year on his birthday you won't even remember his birthday! X

Hi Southernbelle,

I too have felt like this, kind of guilty for not wishing my ex a happy birthday but hey, its my b'day next week, and she won't be wishing me a happy b'day.

+ She left me, she broke my heart, why should I feel guilty?

You really, really don't have anything to feel guilty about... You were just protecting yourself from more hurt.

I agree with the other posters too, no need to feel guilty about the ex boyfriend. You do not need to acknowledge his birthday - that sends him a message that he is still important enough to you to remember. You do not need him to make that connection and leave a crack in the door for him. You are doing well in making your new life and adjustments. Congratulate yourself on becoming emotionally healthy. May you have continued success!

Sending him a birthday email would open the door for communication. In his eyes it might be viewed as an attempt to get back together. It sounds like you are taking all the positive steps a person should take after a break up, so stick with it. Forget feeling guilty. You don't need to. Take pride in your recovery from a bad relationship and use your new confidence to propel you into something much better.

Forget it, buy something cool for yourself, feel guilty about that!

Stop it. That's nonsense. Don't do that. Its over leave him alone. Kind person or not, it can only get worse if you still try to communicate with him, doesn't matter how you do it, via e-mail or post mail. Who cares, he's in the past, why are you digging it up again?

Move on.

I am in a very similar situation as you, Southernbelle, and I know how you feel! My ex birthday is coming up in two weeks and mine is just few days before his! For the past many years we always celebrate together and this year, I just wish I can get overwith these dates! Yet, I do have the urge to wish him a Happy Birthday though I don't want to hear from him anymore or his crap stories how he's still with his new girlfriend but misses me... blah blah blah.

I agree with the others above, don't feel guilty of not being his friend. I went through the guilt trip before but just know that you have all rights not to be friends with those who broke your heart.

Keep yourself busy with whatever you're doing now. Perhaps do something fun and exciting on your ex birthday so you won't be thinking of emailing him again.

Take care!

My ex 's was 2 weeks ago and I didn't wish him happy birthday or mention it when he sent me a mail last week. I was proud of myself :)

Thanks for your advice and support everyone. I know in my head that I shouldn't contact him, but my emotions try to get control over my head sometimes. I guess I just needed people to remind me WHY I shouldn't if that makes sense : )

It makes perfect sense.

Oh my goodness honey, we are on the same page! But screw the fool! The best advice to give would be try and meet as many men as possible and start dating. Best of luck sweetheart!

Honestly, I think don't think you've gotten over him completley. Why?:

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Originally Posted by SouthernBelle06

I know that the issue of wishing the ex a happy birthday has been discussed a lot here, and the answer is usually no, but I still find myself thinking about it. Why is that?.

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Nice person or not, let it go.

You still think that cause you haven't fully let him go yet.

I think it makes a lot of sense to gather support when you think you might do something that you sort of already know isn't the best thing for you. You know in your head that it's best left alone, you just needed to have that confirmed. And that is a heck of a lot better than trying to go it alone.