I am having a tough time because I like my best friend which is a girl and me I'm a guy, the problem is she has a boyfriend. A day ago I wrote her a note telling her my true feelings for her which she responded saying that she too has feelings for me. The problem is that she says she "loves" her boyfriend and wants to see if the relationship will go further. Myself I don't have a problem with this but the problem I have is that there are rumors that this guy use to be abusive to women.

The other problem is that she has asked him if he still has feelings for his ex fiancée and he quickly changes the subject by asking her if she likes me. This guy is jealous of me and he lies to me every time we talk since she tells me what he tells her after we talk. I don't trust the guy and really don't like him too much but I also don't want to have my friend get hurt again since she has been in other relationships and have been hurt. I also don't want to step over the line by well telling her that I don't really think he is for her. What should I do?

I've told her that I won't get in between her relationship with him but it bothers me that he has done these things and hasn't answered these questions she asked him.

You respect her and her life and step back. She knows how you feel. If and when she ever breaks up you could be the shoulder she cries on and who knows down the road what life will bring. Life is full of twists, whether she one day has an interest for you or you always remain best friends. You could one day find someone you care very deeply for. The thing about true friends is you stick by them through the thick and thin and don't expect anything in return.

I agree, just bide your time. He may seem charming at first, like a lot of abusive guys are, because they tend to be intense about both the good and the bad. Once he steps over the line, she'll see the light. She has to do it herself.

And you can be cool around him, and by cool I mean standoffish.

You have a good point, I did tell her that I didn't want to ruin her relationship with him, but here is the weird thing of all this she has told me repetatively that something good will come. Which I hate to say hasn't happened in tens plus years.
She has asked me my opinion of her boyfriend and I have told her but I'm not sure if I told her the right thing. And she tells me everything which she doesn't tell her boyfriend which I'm sort of confused about?
But she has also told me to that who knows things may not work and we can try it out(dating if that time ever comes) I just don't know what I should do. Stick around and wait or just stay friends and look for someone else?

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Originally Posted by joypulv

I agree, just bide your time. He may seem charming at first, like a lot of abusive guys are, because they tend to be intense about both the good and the bad. Once he steps over the line, she'll see the light. She has to do it herself.

And you can be cool around him, and by cool I mean standoffish.

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I told her at first I liked him but when he started to lie to my face then I started to not like him

TEN PLUS YEARS?
That puts a different slant on it.
Now I'm miffed at her for saying things like 'some day.. '
Not fair. She's keeping you around as her puppy.
How old is each of you?

Yeah I was thinking 15 - 17 tops
Accept friendship only and get on with your life. Too bad, so sad if you get with someone and then she is available. Que sera sera

I'm 27 and she is around 25 but she lost contact with me when her and her first boyfriend broke up, the boyfriend at the time threatened me and tried to hit me with his car, she broke up with him cause of that and threats he made towards other of her friends, but that was close to 3 years ago and we just recently got back together as friends

You are the only one who can decide how many years to drag this out.
One day you will look around and be old. Where will she be?

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Originally Posted by mprizgint

im 27 and she is around 25 but she lost contact with me when her and her first boyfriend broke up, the boyfriend at the time threatend me and tried to hit me with his car, she broke up with him cause of that and threats he made towards other of her friends, but that was close to 3 years ago and we just recently got back together as friends

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You know just reading the text and responses you had given before you gave your age I was thinking you all were middle schoolers. That should tell you something about this situation.

You don't trust him. You don't like him that much. So what? You are not in a relationship with either. You need to take a mature step and butt out.

I agree with Joy (which is probably 100% of the time). It is your decision to wait. But don't miss out on life while you wait. And if waiting means you can't butt out, then waiting is not the right thing to do. Move on with your life.

And I agree with Oliver probably 100% of the time.

The thing about not liking someone's 'mate' is that you set yourself up for pitting the one you are close to against you. You lucked out as far as the last guy because it woke her up. But now with this guy she could very well take his side and distance you. I have seen it many times with mothers. Their adult child will cry about their relationship. The mother will be supportive and take a disliking to the other. Then they work things out and mom is left out in the cold.

You should do nothing except be just a friend, and recognize being her friend causes her boyfriends to be quite jealous of you. You are right to notice nothing has blossomed so far, just drama with her boyfriends, but she chose this fellow and she is the one to deal with him. Not you.

I think you are more of a crutch myself, and if being her friend means you don't have a life of your own that you enjoy then that's not a good place to be. I sure hope you aren't sitting there waiting for your turn to have a chance for romance because that's simply would not be wise or emotionally healthy, and a pure waste of time.

You are just to close to be objective and need to step back and look at this differently.