My husband suffers from anxiety and depression. He has at least one "blue" day a week. Sometimes more.. He pretty much checks out. If I ask him if he's okay he gets mad at me. He is hurtful with his words and tone of voice. It's completely not like his typical character. It devastates me. I don't know how to not take it personally.

He always apologizes when he feels better. And goes back to bring his affectionate loving self.

He's never physically hurtful. Just very distant and cold. Being in the same room with me seems painful. It's like he's another person. And it breaks my heart!

We have two small girls. I have to hsng in there for them but its becoming increasingly more difficult for me to forgive and forget each time.

In the moment I want to scream. I want to shake him and get him to recognize how he's affecting me. Affecting our family.

But once the mood passes - I just feel sorry for him. I know it's not intentional. But it's still such a lonely lonely place to be.

Advice would be appreciated!

He could be bipolar, without the mania. He at least is cycling in and out of depression.
You can force yourself to not take it personally! For the sake of your children. And because there is virtually no reason to.
Steer clear of him when he's depressed and don't ask questions. Asking him if he is OK is bound to be very frustrating for him - of course he's not OK.
Tell him that you will stay out of his way, and ask him for a code word to use when he wants that. A simple, single, meaningless word, like elephant.
During a time when he's feeling better, ask him if he would consider seeing a psychiatrist. Don't press it if he says no.

Does he take meds, or see someone about this condition? Seems to me you are not handling that one day a week funk any better than you say he does. How you deal with it is your key so ask your own physician for some suggestion on things you could do but as WG suggests why take this personally, and why are you feeling isolated, and helpless to help or change him for that one day.

He is on medication and is seeing a psychiatrist and therapist. Meds don't seem to help with his rapid cycling. One dr thought bipolar 2 (no mania) but current dr doesn't think so.

Whatever it is - its completely draining.

Sometimes avoiding him doesn't work. Like when he's fine Friday so we make plans to do something Saturday.. But then Saturday morning he is clearly not doing well. I'm petrified. I don't know if I should point out his mood.. And that maybe we should cancel whatever plans we made? Go through with the plans and have a miserable time? (He will rarely speak up and say he can't go. He will force himself to go through the motions. I feel like I'm darned if I do and darned if I don't. :/

That damned if you do and fanned if you don't will get you because you end up revolving your life around his moods. Then you can't enjoy anything yourself because you end up feeling you are obligated to live inside his head. Being with someone with this type of emotional baggage is extremely challenging and hard for the average person to know how to deal with.

Has his thyroid been checked?
Do you know that he actually takes the meds? What is he taking?
Do you have a best friend who can fill in when he suddenly won't go somewhere?

Have you talked to his doctor about coping strategies to help YOU? Its never easy caring for or even being around a sick relative, or spouse, and taking care of yourself and your own needs, but what could help are some planned breaks just for you to renew, and gain strength for yourself.

I am sure he could get along for a while on his own while you did some good thing for yourself, that you can enjoy without him. The balance may give you the motivation to deal with him better, give you something to look forward to, and be more flexible making good adjustments when you have to.

I assume he works, do you? How old are your kids?

We both work, our girls are 4 and nine months. He IS taking his meds.

Thank goodness he is proactive and wants help. He knows its necessary for his and his family's sanity.

He takes an anti depressant daily and anxiety meds as needed. He went the whole spectrum of bipolar meds and they did not work at all.

I do not take time away for myself because of the girls. I will leave and just grocery shop alone lol... But as far as extended time away - it doesn't happen.

I found some CBT workbooks that I printed for him today. Hopefully he will give that a try.

I'm just completely drained after a day of his depression. I'm such a nurturer by nature and its hard not to try and "help".

And many times if I can get him to talk - we can talk it out and he won't go so far away. If that makes sense. He shuts down but by talking sometimes we can get whatever is bothering him in the open and he recovers much quicker.

A lot of his depression seems situational to me. Even though he swears nothing is wrong. There's almost always a trigger.

Haven't checked his thyroid?