Ok so there's this guy.. we were together for a little over a year... well not so much... more or less we had the last 3 months of the relationship all to ourselves w/out him cheating on me... at least I think... soo we break up get back together about ohhh 5 or 6 times id say.. finally I had enough I got to where I couldn't bring myself to have sex with him... I was just emotionally scarred from all the cheating... so after all the drama his ex being back in the picture (he screwed her the same week we broke up btw) she gave me all throughout this time and I gave her right back obviously... I knew that if I truly wanted him back all I had to do was say I want to spend the rest of my life with you and he'd be back in a snap and I told her that and she didn't believe me... well little did she realize that he was telling her one thing and me another and I caught on he's not a very good liar... I love him I care about him my daughter loves him... so now my question is this... I want to be with him but he wants me to give up going to the bars on occasion which I don't go often anyway.. parade him around like a trophy or something and brag all over the world he's with me... do more family oriented stuff which I can do I do that anyway with mine... hes got all these expectations that I'm supposed to just jump and do to make him happy because he's "changed for the better" so he says... but I don't really think he has deep down I think its more of a matter that his brother is getting married this summer and one of his best friends is already married with one kid and a 2nd one they're trying for... and I think he just wants to be up there with all of that like he's something so good... can someone give me some input and tell me what you think!? Should I try since he says he's changed or should I just let it be and learn from it?

"...i love him i care about him my daughter loves him..i want to be with him but he wants me to give up going to the bars on occasion...parade him around like a trophy or something and brag all over the world hes with me...hes got all these expectations that im supposed to just jump and do to make him happy...just let it be and learn from it?!"


The last sentence Quoted is the only one that makes sense to me. How can you say you love this guy but you are not willing to make changes to make him happy? He has obviously been messing with your head, and it sounds like you have been playing games too... with him and his ex.

I think you are in this for the game of it- because he is so hard to keep, it makes it an interesting challenge. But what does it do to your daughter to have him in and out of your life? Do you really think he has stopped cheating on you if he's still talking to his ex? That just sounds ridiculous to me... Not to say that people don't change, I believe that they can, but when they change, they change completely, its not a once in a while thing... or well yeah I have changed but I still talk to my ex... You sound like a smart girl, and you have the right idea to just move on, so do it.

This guy may end up a good guy someday, but its not now, and you can't make him into one just by wearing his ring. Marrying hastily to 'just do it' cause everyone else is- is the wrong answer.

I just turned 25, 2 weeks ago, and while I feel envious of all of my friends who are married and have kids already- I am also happy I have not had a divorce, and I have had plenty of screwed up relationships to know I am glad I can see the games now. Anyways-- I say let this guy go, and don't rush into things just cause you want to prove to his ex, or to him or whoever... that you can get married. It should be about feeling entirely happy with a person, and wanting to compromise t make the relationship work.

I hope maybe this helps you a little bit. I don't mean to offend you in anyway- just some advice from a fellow female..
Best of luck