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-   -   I told my mom I hated her. What now? (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=761865)

  • Aug 8, 2013, 06:38 PM
    krayyme
    I told my mom I hated her. What now?
    She's always calling me names like skinny, ugly, and yellow. She compares me to my best friends saying she's much prettier, and boys like her better. She brings up breakups I've had and makes fun of me for being upset over them. I told her I hate very much, cause I do. What now?
  • Aug 8, 2013, 06:46 PM
    Alty
    Now you two continue to fight, unless one of you sits down with the other and gets to the root of the problem, which is what she says to you, and how you feel about it.

    A teen telling her mom she hates her isn't new. My parents were wonderful, but when I was a teen I didn't see that. I call it teen vision. I told my parents I hated them numerous times, and they never did anything to deserve that. But teens rarely see the truth, the think they know everything, and they feel justified in everything they say and do. That hasn't changed since I was a teen.

    I wonder what your mom would say if she saw this post. I bet her version of events is very different than yours.
  • Aug 8, 2013, 07:13 PM
    Homegirl 50
    Oops! You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Alty again.


    What did you expect to happen after you told her you hated her?
  • Aug 8, 2013, 07:40 PM
    Fr_Chuck
    Now she gets worst, and treats you worst.

    Increasing the anger, only makes the fighting worst. There may be more issues, to why she is doing this, perhaps you not doing what she says ? Not following rules ?

    Without knowing full story, no way to tell.
  • Aug 9, 2013, 12:51 AM
    joypulv
    I'm curious what you mean by 'what now?'
    You said the worst thing someone can say to someone, short of 'I wish you were dead,' which is also something teens say to parents.
    The thing about words is that they cannot be undone. And many a teen has suffered the horror of losing a parent to illness or accident, and boom, they feel horrible and guilty. Be careful about spouting out any old words to express yourself.
    Instead prepare some questions for your mother for when she puts you down.
    'Are you sorry I'm your daughter?'
    'Is there a reason you want me to feel ugly?'
    'Did your mother put you down too?'
    Ask questions and wait for her to answer!

    You say yellow - are you Asian? Do you know about the famous Tiger Mom, Amy Chua, who ferociously pushed her daughters to excel in everything, and who wrote a book 'Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother.' Google her if you don't want to read the whole book. The mom world is divided into two camps about it.
    Of course pushing to excel isn't the same as putting you down, but it all falls under Mean Mom. I had a mean mother, and I could never be good enough.
    PS: I struggled with fat my whole life, and would take skinny any day. Don't worry about that part!
  • Aug 14, 2013, 09:55 AM
    keeks143
    Alty is right, it is 'teen vision' the things our parents say and do now don't seem relavant now but later we will see the benefits. Although what your mum's saying doesn't sound very pleasant - we don't know you closely.
    Good luck anyway x
  • Aug 18, 2013, 01:52 PM
    hixiefrance
    Don't let her put you down, don't take what she says to heart.
    Maybe sit down and talk to her calmly and tell her how she makes you feel, and no matter what she's says, don't get mad, just try to talk it through with her.
    If that doesn't work, maybe talk to someone about it: a close friend, or a professional and see what they think?

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