Ask Me Help Desk - Mental problem?

>Threads merged to keep all information on this subject in one place.<
Me and my girlfriend are great , but I have this issue , I have this idea or vision on what I need to do to make her happy , well basically if my plan falls apart I panic, I do what ever it takes to fix my plan , I take in no consideration of my actions , even if they are upsetting my girlfriend , to me aslong as I can make this idea or plan of mine that I planne work I think she will be happy no matter what happens in the process , I know it's wrong because she always tells me she doesn't care she is happy regardless if my plans fall part but that's never the case to me , my plans must go threw , I experience this also in many other aspects in my life , is this normal ? How can I fix this ? Also I have problems with change of routines , we both go to different universities and I see her once a week , I am fine with that , wee been dating 10 months this is our first summer seeing each other almost every other day is very over whelmeing , but after getting used to it I can barely go three days without her , I'm scared for school to start back up , please help me !

You may have good intentions but if you are always obsessed with planning and not including her in the plan making then you are being selfish in a sense. I think you need to just have times where you are just glad to see her and NO plans just go minute to minute. That might make her happier than all your efforts. Since you say you have a problem with change of routine as well, so I would say you could be OCD. To overcome obsessive compulsive you need to do what I already mentioned - take chunks of time, even days, and just get out with no plan and see where it leads you. Go to a shopping mall, a park, where ever for no reason and just enjoy life without plans. Let your girlfriend pick where she wants to go on dates sometimes and let it be a last minute surprise to you.

Time for therapy and/or counseling. You have a problem that is effecting your life and actions. This can lead to serious issues and problems down the road.

So my girlfriend broke up with me , this isn't the first time, last time she said she was done forever but that lasted less then a week, we been together for almost 10 months, she says I constantly screw up , although I never mean to, no matter what I screw up everything in her eyes , it's hard I guess , I never understood how I screw up because I do same thing she usually does , she's kind of a hypocrite, anyway she' means a tone to me and I don't know what to do , I told her I would change but she won't listen :( any suggestions ?

Are you the one that needs to change or are you that desperate to keep her? People say they will change but people are creatures of habit and really haven't a clue how to change.
You have to be you rather than making yourself into something someone wants. That is not being true to you to try and be someone you aren't.

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Originally Posted by N0help4u

Are you the one that needs to change or are you that desperate to keep her? People say they will change but people are creatures of habit and really haven't a clue how to change.
You have to be you rather than making yourself into something someone wants. That is not being true to you to try and be someone you aren't.

So what your saying is I should just let it go ?

If she expects you to jump through hoops expecting you to be someone you are not.
If her 'requests' are reasonable and you can handle it and compromise then possibly try and work it out. But more often than not when people try to change, the changes are not consistent and you get one change down and then something else you had changed starts going back to the old ways. So basically if she is asking you to change WHO you are then it ain't going to work. If she is asking you to compromise on little issues then you can give it a try, but I wouldn't drag that out either.

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Originally Posted by N0help4u

If she expects you to jump thru hoops expecting you to be someone you are not.
If her 'requests' are reasonable and you can handle it and compromise then possibly try and work it out. But more often than not when people try to change, the changes are not consistent and you get one change down and then something else you had changed starts going back to the old ways. So basically if she is asking you to change WHO you are then it ain't gonna work. If she is asking you to compromise on little issues then you can give it a try, but I wouldn't drag that out either.

She thinks I'm needy and clingy . Which I always have been , I don't find it over the top but she has sealed past 10 months ? Why tell me now! So confused...

Yeah needy and clingy guys are very hard to change. I noticed that most of the guys that cry about ''why do all the girls go for the bad guys?'' are rather needy and clingy. It is a turn off to girls. Girls aren't looking for a guy who revolves around a pedestal around them. Girls want a guy that is independent, assertive and outgoing. She probably figured she would give it a go with you because she really did care and liked you but realized she can't handle needy and clingy.

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Originally Posted by N0help4u

yeah needy and clingy guys are very hard to change. I noticed that most of the guys that cry about ''why do all the girls go for the bad guys?'' are rather needy and clingy. It is a turn off to girls. Girls aren't looking for a guy who revolves around a pedestal around them. Girls want a guy that is independent, assertive and outgoing. She probably figured she would give it a go with you because she really did care and liked you but realized she can't handle needy and clingy.

So I'm destined for no one!

No many girls love guys like that. You just got to look for someone more suited for you. In the mean time work on your 'image' a little

Quote:

Originally Posted by CGILLY

So my girlfriend broke up with me , this isn't the first time, last time she said she was done forever but that lasted less then a week, we been together for almost 10 months, she says I constantly screw up , although I never mean to, no matter what I screw up everything in her eyes , it's hard I guess , I never understood how I screw up because I do same thing she usually does , she's kind of a hypocrite, anyway she' means a tone to me and I don't know what to do , I told her I would change but she won't listen :( any suggestions ?

So, she makes plans and does whatever it takes regardless of your feelings to make her plans happen?

Quote:

Me and my girlfriend are great , but I have this issue , I have this idea or vision on what I need to do to make her happy , well basically if my plan falls appart I panic, I do what ever it takes to fix my plan , I take in no consideration of my actions , even if they are upsetting my girlfriend , to me aslong as I can make this idea or plan of mine that I planne work I think she will be happy no matter what happens in the process , I know it's wrong because she always tells me she doesn't care she is happy regardless if my plans fall part but that's never the case to me , my plans must go threw , I experience this also in many other aspects in my life , is this normal ? How can I fix this ? Also I have problems with change of routines , we both go to different universities and I see her once a week , I am fine with that , wee been dating 10 months this is our first summer seeing each other almost every other day is very over whelmeing , but after getting used to it I can barely go three days without her , I'm scared for school to start back up , please help me !

This may seem harsh, but you need to understand that we do look at past and current posts to try to understand what is happening in a relationship. We cannot give you accurate advice if you are changing your story.

Things are not fine between you. You are apparently not together at this moment. You also appear to be blaming her for your behavior.

I think you need to take some time to work through your own issues. Learn how to stop when you know you are going too far. Find a counselor/therapist who can help you develop better coping skills for when things go wrong or out of your control. After you gain control of your own behavior you can think about a relationship. For now, though, work on your internal issues so that you are not making your girlfriend (this one or the next one) deal with them.

Good luck and take care.

Ahh, I was thinking the posts looked similar. You have to do what I said and do things spontaneous, let her or whoever make plans and surprise you. When someone is OCD obsessive compulsive which you seem to have a tendency of, you have to do the opposite of what your obsession is. You obsess about things going the way you plan out in your head, so you have to learn some spontaneity. If a person is obsessed with everything being clean a counselor will make them have a messy room and sit in the yard and play in the dirt to over come the way they are obsessed with. You can't just wish and think of change, you have to actively DO things to make the change. Go outside of your comfort zone.